Toblerone.

Delicious. White. Chocolate. So she says. However, I have never tasted it. I had never really taken notice of it till she mentioned it. "White chocolate", I thought to myself, "...is it like white white gold?" Of course I would get no answers, just speculation.

White chocolate on Christmas evening.

So I set out on finding this treasure with just hours to the deadline. When I say deadline, I mean that I do not know whether supermarkets work on Christmas, because quite naturally, the people working also have families, they are not robots. Thus, I wonder who would work on Christmas?

That aside, I had forgotten or ignored the fact that it was 24th December.

"Strings of street lights Even stop lights 
Blink a bright red and green  
As the shoppers rush home with their treasures..."

The number of shoppers in the city was unprecedented by me. And may I make it clear, not just in the city, the number of people in the supermarkets with white chocolate was unprecedented! I had met a friend who knew where to get this "White Gold" and had recommended three places, Capital Shoppers, Shoprite or Uchumi.

I went to Capital Shoppers first and even before entering, already lost hope. It was lines and queues everywhere, even at the entrance. The place was filled! I managed to get in but it was so stuffy I felt I needed to leave immediately. I managed a quick scan, and got to the sweets/ chocolates but no Toblerone, no white chocolate.

I wasted no time leaving.

I would try Shoprite next, it was just down the road. 

When I got to Shoprite, I thought there was a thief being manhandled! A scuffle was going on at the Parcels area. People were retrieving, and storing their bags, parcels and whatever packages they had come to shop with. There was a small crowd, people struggling to have their cards taken and their bags given them, and to add to this, they had Shoprite polythenes in one hand. In other words, when I sensed the bag on my back, I turned around and went to Cooper Complex. There was an Uchumi on the way home.

Now Uchumi was much better. Cool (I mean literally cool), Kirk Franklin playing in the background and no queues and lines. Now onto the most important thing, "White Gold", Toblerone.

I walked from the first aisle to the last aisle looking for even the sight of just one packet of that crystal (pun not really intended, lol )shaped chocolate. No Toblerone. Sigh. I had info that Toblerone was the best. A gem indeed. 

Uchumi Kabalagala did not have it.

Yet they did have Cadbury's! Not Toblerone, but "White Gold" all the same. So I picked it and now, I cannot wait to get it to her....

See her then.

The Inn Keeper - A Short Story (3)

...From Part Two

Royalty!

Expensive jewels on their fingers and ears, so bright they shone in the night. He closed the door quickly and hurried to his room to look through his window! And soon after he was there, the three men dressed like Kings got to the stable. He was able to hear their conversation as they reached:

“Finally we’re here!”

“Yes, the star light points us here!”

“Yes. We can now behold the child of hope.”

As soon as they saw the child, they went on their knees and bowed.

What are they doing? They are dressed like Kings, Magi, yet they kneel before a two hour old baby?

“Frankincense I offer.”

“Myrrh, I bring.”

“Gold, for the King of Kings.”

He pinched himself to make sure he wasn’t imagining this! He had to see this for himself. This time he hurried out without lamp to the stable. And he had not dreamt it! There was gold, the aroma of frankincense and sweet smelling myrrh.

This failed him. The boy and his parents were simpletons. They were in a stable moreover. What was so great about that?

The three men, the father and the mother looked at him a bit surprised by the shocked look on his face.

“It’s alright dear Sir, this boy, this child in your stable is the Saviour of the Jews but also of the whole world.” One of the three men told him assuredly.

He looked at the child for a minute and a tear almost came out. Before he could let anyone see it, he rushed back in, sat down and stared at the lamp.

Gods just sent a savior and he’s in my stable! Oh! Had I known! I’d have given the best room; but I didn’t know!

He kept on staring.

There’s a saviour in my stable!

And he began laughing out. Joy, disbelief ran through his blood as he laughed! He laughed and Chloe woke up and came to him;

“Sir, is everything alright?”

“Hahaha, Chloe, God knocked on our inn for a room, and we sent Him to the stable! Hahahaha”

Chloe was confused.

“Sir, maybe you should go to rest, I think you’re tired.”

“Chloe, go to rest, I have finally found my rest. Do not take a care for me!”

And he continued laughing. Then he went silent again, till the break of dawn, eyes wide open in disbelief and joy.

God, you should have told me to keep a room at least! You preferred the Christ be born in a manger?

…

A few years onward as he told a story to his now youthful grandson;

“I had God in my stable and didn’t even know it!”

The two fell silent and then suddenly broke out into laughter.

And it was true. The Saviour chose to be born in an Inn Keeper’s stable- because as after His own nature, He would in turn exalt the humble, and debase the proud. He would lift the weak and make them strong. He would take the helpless and give them help. He would take the poor and make them rich, the foolish and make them wise, the dead and give them life!

He was the persona of humility. A God that chose to be born like an animal, live like a deliverer and die like a criminal.

Are you too proud to make Him Lord?

Merry Christmas!

Joel Ntwatwa

The Inn Keeper - A Short Story (2)

...From Part One

So he just sat and tried to listen.

A little while after, he heard the cries of a baby! He was delighted. He got up and looked, they were all there, the mother was alive, the father excited, the child. The strange thing is he never heard the mother moaning or anything. Strange.

He wanted to get up and go congratulate the parents; he got lamp in hand and began heading out. As he approached the door, he heard quick, excited footsteps outside his door. He opened the door to proceed to the stable and bumped into some shepherds!

“Sir, Sir, are you going to see the Saviour too?” One of the shepherds asked!

“Saviour? What do you mean? There’s a child in the stable, wrapped in swaddling clothes….” And before he finished one of the shepherds interrupted,

“Friend! That is the Saviour!...” And they went on to explain to him how angels appeared to them and told them how they’d find the child.

What new wine are these poor shepherds drinking? Angels? Saviour? Do they know how ordinary the people they are talking about are?

Their foolish talk made him think twice about going to see the child now. He directed them to the stable dismissing their talk yet the shepherds went on. It occurred to him they had the talk of men certain of their words, not weak knees swayed by wine! Might they be telling the truth?

He went back inside with his lamps; a little afraid and unsure. He went back to his room and looked through the window.

Soon after, the shepherds left. Singing and worshipping God, almost so loud they could have woken up the sleepers in the inns on that way.

His heart stilled.

The night was getting spent and already he was exhausted. Chloe and Mark were not allowed to sleep while he was still awake, so they were quietly talking to each other in the first room, Chloe in particular wondering what was happening.

“Chloe, Mark, you can go to bed now! I will stay up a little longer.”

“Master Phinehas is acting strange tonight. You think he’s alright?” Chloe asked.

“Of course, he is fine. You’re the one who’s tired. Go and rest. See you in the morning.”

He picked up his lamp to go and check on the two and as he neared the door this time heard camels outside!

What now? Richer shepherds perhaps?

He decided to open the door and have a look.

And he almost dropped his lamp!!!

Continue to Part Three...

The Inn Keeper- Short Story (1)

Tired already, but still needing to serve some clients, he heard a desperate knock on his door.

Dadadadada

He immediately knew what it was, another traveler looking for a place to stay for the night. Ever since the Emperor, Augustus had decreed the census, there had been very many people in the area and almost everyone needed a room. Business was good but it was also very exhausting. He could not count the number of times he had to tell customers “No room!” in the past few days.

Dadadadada.

It went again and this time he shouted;

“No room!”

Oh gosh. He knew he’d been praying all year for God to bless his business but quite literally now his cup was running over. He had actually no room to accommodate any clients now.

Dadadadada.

This was getting to him, so he had no option but to literally face whoever it was and send them away. As he approached the door, lamp in hand, the angry sound came again;

Dadadadada

And this really got to him, anger rose up and as he opened the door shouted;

“Are you going to sleep in the stable? BECAUSE I HAVE NO ROOM LEFT!!!”

As soon as he saw the man and the woman with him, he thought to himself; Perhaps I need to make room in the stable. The man in front of him reminded him of his own son. He had become a father too at around this age- they grow up so fast!

“Sir, we’ve tried every other Inn and we were really hoping there would be some room, anything, anywhere my wife can lie down because the baby is soon coming! Dear Sir, if you have any room, please help.”

He could not just tell them to try elsewhere, they had been trying elsewhere probably all evening, especially seeing how worn out they both looked.

“Mark? Take a vessel and some towels to number 14 and 3. Ask Chloe to make sure she takes food to 4 and 8. Okay?”

“Okay Sir!”

He came out, lamp in his hand, closed the door behind him.

“Come, my inn is full, but there is a stable behind. There’s a little space I was preparing for some two donkeys I was going to buy but I imagine it will be of help. There’s a manger for feeding the animals. Let me clean it for you. I hope it will be of some use.”

He led them to a stable with some animals in it, a cow, some chickens, and two goats. As they got in, the animals made no noise, the cow chewed cud as he observed the three people come in, as if wondering what was happening.

“There are some vessels I can bring you and a little warm water.”

He cleared out some hay and formed a bed, helped Joseph lay out some mats and create a makeshift bed for the soon to be mother.

“I am so sorry, I do not have any space left, but I do hope this will help.”

Now, he wondered to himself:  Why am I being so nice? He did not answer himself; he continued to clean one of the mangers.

The man who’d finally been helped, in a relieved yet tired voice told the Inn Keeper,

“Thank you Sir, may God bless you.”

“Don’t worry Sir; just making sure your wife is fine. Let me go get you the vessels and warm water. “

There’s something strange about these people, I cannot put a finger to it, he said to himself as he went inside the inn. He called Chloe, one of the maidens he employed to prepare some towels for him and a little warm water.

She wondered what for, since there were no more people inside the inn who needed them. Is he getting old? However, she simply did as told. As soon as she gave them to him, he went out quickly and delivered them to the couple.

After that, he decided to leave, but he would keep an eye on them. So he went to his room, there was a small window overlooking the stable, from here he could see what was happening.

Phinehas, perhaps, you will look after she’s delivered.

Continue to Part Two...

Grown Up.

My desire this year, my prayer is to walk the talk. To be the change in my community, my family, my friends, my country, my cell, at Church. Tired of talking, I need to start stepping.

I am growing up. My priorities are changing slowly. My focuses are changing. My hopes are changing. What was appealing before seems to be dim now, and the dim now brighter. The time is upon me to live on purpose. 11.12.11. Remember that date.

Time to live from heart to head.

Time to walk by His voice. Time to grab opportunities. God of all, your son prays for strength in the inner man. Ephesians 1 and 3 this year Lord.

And for the things I have sought after year after year, Lord give me rest over them, peace. I hand them over, that You may make those things perfect in timing and quality.

Thanks for family, friends and subscribers ;). I love you Lord.

Miss writing.

At twenty three, writing was my dream, my passion, my obsession. My mind was always on the look out for a story. Whether sad or good, my mind was hungry to translate individuals onto paper and have others share of their lives.

I have been writing since I was eleven. I am captivated by words. They are like colours, all different but contributing to one light. I fell in love with the words of that story- when a girl fell in love with a boy, and that story when a boy had adventures at his school, and that story about solving mysteries. I loved stories, the stream from the beginning to the end; the rollercoaster ride, the adrenaline and the sadness all at once. So I decided to start writing too.

I decided to imagine I was solving a mystery, telling a girl I loved her, praising the Master. So I wrote and my heart loved to write. In sadness I wrote. In heart break, I wrote;  in disappointment , I wrote; in excitement, I wrote. Writing became my escape.

I owned many journals from the time I was young. I would record the days, the good and bad, the high and low. And days later when years had passed, I would read the stories and see how far I had come.

How I miss my writing, that old old passion, that thing that made me calm when my day was haywire. Today I want to write but it's got a lot harder. As soon as I put pen to paper and my heart pulls out. So I suffer with heavy burdens, heavy thoughts. I toss and turn in my bed at like one a-m and now a paper cannot even help me to sleep.

I end up turning on lights, turning on a computer, maybe a television, maybe a console.

And it's not just for mourning, I mean my writing, for when I was twenty three all my writings were blessings. Commentaries and advice on the things of life, exciting encouragement on the things of Christ. It was easier then, but so much harder now. Is it coz I'm in a hurry to live my next moment?

For writing can't be rushed, no, it can't be forced out. It is like a river, or the brewing of a wine, or the bearing of a baby or the blooming of a fruit. Yet sometimes I need to move quickly, get over this, go ahead, life becomes too quick and I just have no time to write.

Yet I miss you writing. The highs and the lows and that God would revive me to tell those stories again. Yes I write still, but not as before, so God make it better than ever before.

Be Strong in Grace

1 You therefore, my son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus. 2 And the things that you have heard from me among many witnesses, commit these to faithful men who will be able to teach others also. 3 You therefore must endure [fn1] hardship as a good soldier of Jesus Christ. 4 No one engaged in warfare entangles himself with the affairs of this life, that he may please him who enlisted him as a soldier. 5 And also if anyone competes in athletics, he is not crowned unless he competes according to the rules. 6 The hardworking farmer must be first to partake of the crops. 7 Consider what I say, and may [fn2] the Lord give you understanding in all things.
8 Remember that Jesus Christ, of the seed of David, was raised from the dead according to my gospel, 9 for which I suffer trouble as an evildoer, even to the point of chains; but the word of God is not chained. 10 Therefore I endure all things for the sake of the elect, that they also may obtain the salvation which is in Christ Jesus with eternal glory.
11 This is a faithful saying:

For if we died with Him,
We shall also live with Him.
12 If we endure,
We shall also reign with Him.
If we deny Him,
He also will deny us.
13 If we are faithless,
He remains faithful;
He cannot deny Himself.

Approved and Disapproved Workers

14 Remind them of these things, charging them before the Lord not to strive about words to no profit, to the ruin of the hearers. 15 Be diligent to present yourself approved to God, a worker who does not need to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth. 16 But shun profane and idle babblings, for they will increase to more ungodliness. 17 And their message will spread like cancer. Hymenaeus and Philetus are of this sort, 18 who have strayed concerning the truth, saying that the resurrection is already past; and they overthrow the faith of some. 19 Nevertheless the solid foundation of God stands, having this seal: “The Lord knows those who are His,” and, “Let everyone who names the name of Christ [fn3] depart from iniquity.”
20 But in a great house there are not only vessels of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay, some for honor and some for dishonor. 21 Therefore if anyone cleanses himself from the latter, he will be a vessel for honor, sanctified and useful for the Master, prepared for every good work. 22 Flee also youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart. 23 But avoid foolish and ignorant disputes, knowing that they generate strife. 24 And a servant of the Lord must not quarrel but be gentle to all, able to teach, patient, 25 in humility correcting those who are in opposition, if God perhaps will grant them repentance, so that they may know the truth, 26 and that they may come to their senses and escape the snare of the devil, having been taken captive by him to do his will.

2 Timothy 2 (Blueletterbible.org)

Fadtastic Uganda

So, Golola just got himself in between a rock and a hard place and all Ugandans can do is make jokes about him. Meanwhile, Bad Black is back in jail, not much ado there till she comes out. The Uganda Cranes did a dozen on CECAFA and there was no crowd to welcome them back home this time as it was in the 90s.After failing to qualify for AFCON, the blame game started.

Kabakumba Matsiko is being urged to resign because of radio equipment by MPs. A little while back, UMEME was in the dock, then a former youth MP became a hero because of oil allegations but now those are silent.

Sebaggala once came back as a convicted felon and was praised for being sharp. Michael Ezra the same, Rubeleto is praised for money bags as the Kirumiras. Pablo used to be the talk of town and now there are Crackers and a whole lot of other comdey troupes.

Afrigo band now tussles it out with Eagles' and many other bands in many bars around town.

Ugandans seem to me to have a habit of moving on very quickly from things.So much drama in Uganda it feels like a soap opera. In parliament nothing is ever resolved, just excitement of stopping corruption and that is it. No developmental stuff, nothing.

Lugaflow came, Zamba ate his money, now lugaflow is off. Zamba is almost becoming a legend in a baboon forest.

The dollar is at 2400/- today and fuel stations are selling petrol at 3950/-. Sugar simply failed to go back below 3000/-. I wonder, don't dollars have anything to do with inflation and the economy? Why is nothing changing?

Taxi fares change hapharzadly. School fees go up on the guise of the economy.

Where is the root of Uganda? Why are we so fadtabulous? Why are we so pedantic? Selfish? Egotistic?

Even Isaiah Katumwa is old news. Thankfully even Gaetano is now old news.

There is no root in this nation. No staying power except corruption. What is there to be proud of if the only thing were doing is hedonistically jumping from one pleasure to another and senselessly complaining about lawlessness, the same which we subject others to?

UG? Warup?

Baseline:
Proverbs 14:34- Righteousness exalts a nation, but sin is a reproach to any people.

Changes...(Part 2)

When he had first seen her, he realised he had a crush. There was something about her that just instantly made him admire her. However, he made a deliberate decision not to pursue any such thing for his own good.

When a meeting with her was gifted, he did not anticipate what would ensue. He said

"Hi".

Normally, a girl like her would have a voice with a high pitch and would talk excitedly! When she opened her mouth to speak...

Low tone, mature, controlled clarity of a woman! These are the very things he was trying to prevent and just this one meeting and the water tried to break the dam. Her voice was uniquely beautiful and calm! He stretched out his hand, and she received it.

At that moment, he did not envision he would have this predicament now. What should he do now?

Scribbled for 1st December

HIV/AIDS.

We take it for granted coz we think we can handle it; with wads of moneys that can buy ARVs. How about those in the rural rural areas, sufferin on their death beds coz their flesh took over once... AIDS has not relented, but our carnal nature has, so we keep joining networks, buying condoms etc.

ABC- Abstain Be Faithful Christ's conviction but then we make it look like condoms can be sustained? Our  flesh keeps bugging, and then we throw them out the door, and anyway, we all die someday, so we throw caution to the wind.

God help us buffet this flesh and the only way I know is help us change our minds. Help us grow up. Help us cherish marriage, and honour the marriage bed, help us drink water from only our cisterns, help us only look to and enjoy the mates of our youth. Yeah, sex is nice, but the pleasure lasts seconds, and then you're back to step one trying to get another high. And you try to please the flesh but it never gets satisfied, if only you could get your Spirit intertwined with your soul, you'd know that besides the Lord are pleasures forever more.

Pleasures forevermore.

You will show me the path of life; in Your presence is fullness of joy, at Your right hand there are pleasures forevermore.^{(B)
Psalm 16:11}


Peace out to those who got the virus from no fault of your own, let God be your healer, let God press your wounds.

If you do not know your status, style up.

Red hearts.

It is no mistake that our hearts are red
That when thorns went through them, they bled.
Was no mistake they were made after that fashion
For red, no doubt is the colour of passion.

And when we loved, red hearts gave their all,
And the love was full, no leaks, there were no holes,
Our hearts gave of themselves, they gave of their nature
And expected no less, to them dishonesty was obscure.

And you can't fault a heart filled,
But what happens when its hopes are killed,
When the seeming truth was a lie,
When what should have lived, had died?

After building hopes and dreams
They tumbled, burned down, replaced with eerie screams,
Tears like torrents fell, lungs filled with sorrow to the brim,
When the red heart broke, it seemed life turned grim.

But we mustn't stifle the sorrow-

Let us mourn today for we must live tomorrow,
Let our tears overrun the dams of sobriety
Let's not just move on yet our wounds hurt still,
Let us allot the healing our hearts need now,

For when we love tomorrow,
Our hearts should not love any less because of yesterday
Let them still give of their fullness,
Let their passion remain,
Let our hearts remain red with passion

When we love again tomorrow.

For love cannot be forsaken because of the past,
It's life and energy rested because of scars,
We are given to love, for we are children of love.

Changes...(Part 1)

There was nothing extraordinary, at first, except that she looked very familiar. She brought back a whiff of nostalgia he was not pretty sure he could place his finger on. What was it about her? Regardless of the fact that she looked familiar, she did look pretty. She wasn't "hot" per se, she was beautiful; a gentle dove eyed beauty that was placid to behold.For those reasons, whenever he passed by Church, he thought about her, hoping perhaps he would chance on her again.


On the occasions he would see her and steal a glance, he would always be caught stealing it.She'd never look surprised; her eyes almost intimidating, as if she knew what he was thinking. So, he would quickly turn away and continue doing whatever he had been doing or pretended to be doing something.

Several years later he found himself in a spot. They were now friends.And not just friends, they were good friends who had experienced a bit of the sour part of life and were able to strengthen each other through it. Right now he had a decision to make...it could change everything..........

Word

Ever since the scales fell off and the light came in,
I have seen more clearly how this all fits in,
See the square peg can't fit in a round hole,
So it's time to pack these bags, time for me to move.

Funny how an angel of light can actually be an agent of darkness. Sometimes fools' gold shines brighter than real gold. Do we ever think about the things that we say, what we want them to mean or if we mean what we say? Try to understand that this world moves by Word, forget about the forces that the sciences give to it. In the beginning was Word, and Word keeps the world going on which is why this small rudder can steer a ship on a sea. Same reason why the tongue needs to be mastered.

When you say something, it is your creation. You either sustain the creation by your consistence or risk your honour by your vacillation. In the end we are murals. We are artworks.Whatever view I have of you is what I will take. If the side I see is inconsistent with your whole state, you pretty much cannot blame it on me, it is what  I saw.

What am I saying? Style up man, be a man of your word.

"This time I asked her name"

"This time I asked her name."


I tell myself in consolation after failing to get her number. See, she was another "prettiest sight lately" and this time I was not about to rue having gone without her name.

I had a lot of time to think how to go about it, get her name that is, but when push came to shove, I threw thinking out altogether and decided to say hullo. She was tall, pretty, had braids. She had a smile as lovely as an aurora, I could not help but find out her name.

She was talking with a friend, and they seemed to be deeply engrossed in their conversation but names must be got. So I dragged my friend along and ended their conversation. Call me reckless or impatient, but I went straight ahead- "Hi I'm Joel."

This would either backfire or work just fine; thank God it did the latter, her name escaped her lips gilded with a smile. Now, to protect her identity, her name I shall keep to myself just in case. (The world's just too small these days).

It is at this point I realised that I should have thought this through at first. It felt like asking a girl out and she says yes and you are faced with no idea of how to be a boyfriend.

I had her name. So?

That is where my friend stepped in, trying to steer the conversation into getting more than just a name. I did not catch this vision well. In the attempt, out of the four persons exchanging small talk, only one person gave out their number.

Now, I am telling myself, "I wish I'd asked for her number". Well,  much more than asking, probably negotiated better.

Oh well! Life is good! :) Number next time.

"Kamu kamu gwe muganda", one by one makes a bundle.A little better everyday. Yeah, I got my glass half full.

Mbu you have issues...

Have you ever wanted to go back to school after dropping out but cannot because the money just can't become enough! You have saved and saved but damn it! It's never enough!

Have you ever wanted to sleep but cannot unless you take some weed? The only thing close to a bedsheet is a thin film of polythene and an old thrown-away teddy bear for a pillow.

Have you ever wanted to have a clean piece of bread but dust covered morsels are all you ever get?

Ever wanted to call home, but all your people are dead?

Ever wanted to be alone, but there are deadlines ahead?

You think you have issues.....

A self centered life is a dead life.

Give, receive, thank.

Life.

Does not need to be lived waiting for a phone call. Doesn't have to be lived ruing a missed goal. Doesn't have to be lived licking at somebody's feet. Arise, Ntwatwa, Christ has given you light!

Death Be not Proud

Sometimes, news hits you with such a grandiose haymaker that many times you lose balance and cannot throw anything back. Sad news knows how to bring stillness while at the same time cause such turmoil.

Death is the ultimate sad news. Nothing can beat it. Forget about the small 200 million shilling debt you may be having, or perhaps that retake or that accident which damaged your car. Forget about your lack of supper or fuel, death surpasses all these.

This year has been one of those that are just well, trying, to say the least.

At the beginning of the year, I received a text from a friend. "My dad has died.".

Angst! Fury! Carnage! Such a grave statement made even more grave by just the four words and a full stop. I find it hard to explain why that statement made me solemnly sad but it was just the pure admission and perhaps resignation in it that gave my heart pangs.

Some months down the road, another text. Meanwhile, they are always texts. "My dad has died.". Again. The same words. And this time it was my cousin. I did not know how to react. I knew I had to go home and see my aunt and cousins but damn, now? I keep wondering why the same words?

Another few months down the road, we are celebrating new birth. Two new boys, twins in fact. The spirits are high. And then, first day, "Kato abuuse." (Kato has died). Darn. Insert an angry word. However, the life of Wasswa is consolation.

Sunday night,we are watching the news and a call comes in, mom picks it and goes to her bedroom. Moments later she comes with deep distress announcing "Wasswa naye abuuse!". Both twins, gone. 7 months all gone up like smoke. The beautiful boys gone. I had not even yet laid an eyes on either.

Pause.

"Kasita nze ndi mulamu." Was the consolation she gave us her younger brothers. "At least I am still alive." Heave.

Another friend lost her mum, and there I was looking awkward trying to make her feel better. Darn.

Just this week, I read about Leland Shores. He died too, pneumonia. Such a man of God, who had lived diligently for the sake of the gospel. I saw him one time at the Food Court at Garden City and wanted to go over and ask him to pray for me, since I had my issues. But I was with a friend, and he was having lunch with friends so I decided not to bother him. Leland shores was in charge of Andrew Wommack ministries in Uganda. I had also seen him last year at the Gospel Truth Seminar at Serena.

Now today in the morning, my mom tells me Bishop John Michael Mugerwa died with colleagues in an accident in Kakira, that after 30 minutes, they were still cutting out the remains of the deceased.

Pause.

Sometimes I do not get it.

All I can say is, may He comfort our hearts, the God of all comfort. I know, not one of us has not experienced this, so my thoughts are with us all.

Death, be not proud, though some have called thee
Mighty and dreadful, for thou are not so;
For those whom thou think'st thou dost overthrow
Die not, poor Death, nor yet canst thou kill me.
From rest and sleep, which but thy pictures be,
Much pleasure; then from thee much more must flow,
And soonest our best men with thee do go,
Rest of their bones, and soul's delivery.
Thou'art slave to fate, chance, kings, and desperate men,
And dost with poison, war, and sickness dwell,
And poppy'or charms can make us sleep as well
And better than thy stroke; why swell'st thou then?
One short sleep past, we wake eternally,
And death shall be no more; Death, thou shalt die.

Isaiah 25:8

He will swallow up death forever,
      And the Lord GOD will wipe away tears from all faces;
      The rebuke of His people
      He will take away from all the earth;
      For the LORD has spoken.

Another time, another place

Before I start this tale, a small reminder:

So, I went to Church on Sunday. I decided to go for the 10am service. I could have gone for the 5pm service on Saturday, but what with chasing fate!See, I have a dream and that dream could only become visual on Sunday at 10am.

I mentioned to you previously how I should at least have got her name. Unfortunately for a weak guy like me, I did not and had to spend the ensuing week ruing a missed chance. However, not to be outdone, a lot of options were presented to me. Some advised I give a testimony in Church so she could see me, others said I should become an usher but what I decided on was to go to the same seat and see if she would do the same.

Unfortunately for me, the best time to do it should have been a week after but the week after I was occupied in Malaba. So this was a really tough call but hey, better to take it than keep on ruing. So I went to Church last Sunday aiming for the same seat, hoping she would do the same.

Unfortunately for a second time, I this time arrived late; a few minutes after 10am. I still went to the same place hoping, just, maybe she is there. And I walked mindful of the faces above and below, my eyes simulated the form and face I was expecting to see, but unfortunately for the third time, she was not there.

Assumptions processed in my mind :She did not see me last week, so she gave up.She was late too.Dude, stop dreaming.

Ah, all for not asking a name, perhaps maybe a number as well. Good news is, I am over it somehow. Maybe another time, another place, I will ask her name and maybe get her number soon enough.

So, fare thee well, fair lady, till another day in paradise, maybe you will come in a fairer form and I will be a bolder man.

"If only I had asked her name."

"If only I had asked her name."

I keep telling myself, two days after I saw her. She was the prettiest sight lately, the most dove eyed beauty to pass my way in a

long time. She, graceful and stately, stood beside me the whole time, and I wish, keep wishing;

"If only I had asked her name."

Her eyes never danced at all, they were steady.When she looked at me, she would stare deep and not try to rush away. Her smile was

a wine brew, glaring in the light. She was such a beautiful woman,

"If only I had asked her name."

The Pastor asked us to join hands across the pew, and give thanks for all God's blessings.Our hands intertwined, she pressed gently

onto mine. My goodness, I felt a tingle, fire warming my veins!And now I am ruing,

"If only I had asked her name."

The rain was falling, I was last at the door.The wind was blowing, I had no sweater on. Yet each time I looked, at the placid joy

in her eyes, my body was revived, and it was cold no more.

"If only I had asked her name."

She was gentle, she was beautiful, she was most of those things men dream of . As they asked us to pray, I muttered,

"Father I receive a wife."

And now I am thinking, constantly deliberating, planning to become an usher so that I may see her again. Maybe I should try the

same seat, same service and hope she does so too. I need to find that woman, coz I think she'll be my wife.

Manoeuvre

Note: when you mouse over the scriptures they will pop up. :-)

"Ran out of places I can run...". 4th Avenue Jones finishes that line by saying "...God take me away..." in their song Take Me Away. I do not have the ignorance to ask for such a thing anymore. The escapism and individualism that some of the monks had. Placed in a world full of dirt and slime, one would think tis better to run away or get away so as not to be tainted. Unfortunately, that luxury does not exist. Not even Jesus Christ took it. The only time He did that was the 40 days He fasted and more so the prayers He would have, away from the crowds.

Point taken:- You cannot get away from the world physically. You can get away from the world Spiritually. How? Through prayer and fasting.

 Back to this world. It is such a distress that it seems slime and dirt follow me everywhere I go. The very things I am avoiding are the very things availing themselves.

Scenario: I am trying my best to keep my eyes away from indecency. Trying to avoid those women who were deceived that the more flesh they show, the more likeable they are. To an extent there is some truth; the flesh will demand of the flesh. The eyes will want to see more "skin". So, in the flesh, the more skin the better, the more skin the more "beautiful" or "likeable" or as the world commonly puts it "sexy"/"desirable".

What is worse is that sometimes it is not even the women exposing their skin. It is the men. In my line of work, I look for a lot of resources in terms of graphics, that is, vectors, pictures, brushes. In this line of work, the women may not neccessarily choose indecency however, due to the "gift" of drawing and animating some men have, they will create their women, with barely enough clothing or none. Sometimes I cannot avoid stumbling onto these.

I hate it when I am watching a program or a match and then the ads come on. Now I like ads, some are really nice. However, I wonder why a woman is always involved. And most times she prolly has no clothes on, even when the advert is about jeans!

I know, you're going to say I have a weak or dirty mind. If that is the case, then I am attempting to detoxify. It is hard, I must say. So hard that my advice to the pure of mind is for them to make up their minds never to get dirty. lol.

Point is, how do I manoeuvre these things? They are all over the place! In the papers. On the radio. In the TV. On the internet. Everywhere. Does that mean I am a slave to these "chancings" of decadence? No. I am accountable. To God, the Father, the Son, the Holy Spirit. I must mind what I hear, see, read, think.

Christ began with a fast, however, we see Him at 12 years of age having already been a student of the word. We see Him treasure prayer so much he even rebuked His disciples once by saying "What, could ye not watch with me one hour?" See more Matthew 26:40-44.

Gosh, this calls for repentance!

Bottom line is, I believe I must once again, target my heart through my mind and also strengthen my spirit. At the end of the day, when it pops up, I can simply turn away, and not follow the link. And not buy the paper, and not turn up the volume, and not rewind the scene.

See John 6:63. See Romans 12:2

Be blessed.

Run out of places I can run.

Prada Body Bags and Heart to Hearts

I was greatly privileged last Saturday morning with the honour of spending almost an entire day with a lady of amazing depth and soul. The privilege was threatened by the morning drizzle and cool temperatures but the two of us insisted that this meeting must go ahead. We were not to meet in a building, however, we were to take a walk and enjoy one of the higher heights of the city.

It amazes me how unique people can be but at the same time, how similar we all are. One of the things that unites us as people is the heart. It is interesting to note that when referring to a central and important part of anything, the word heart is used.

Heart is core.

During the time I spent with this gem of a woman, I discovered a great deal about the heart: the heart having a mind of its own separate from the brain. It is queer since I have already heard of statements like "Follow your heart, not your head". It seems that the heart disagrees with the brain on many things and the few times when the two agree, it is bliss!

In the decision making process, the war between the two can be easily seen. A man who wants to cut weight should take the necessary steps; gym, diet, etc. However, why is that hard to do? The aspect of appetite comes in. Whereas the ideal thing is fore-go another plate of rice,chicken,matooke and peas, something else appeals to the taste buds and the stomach and a problem arises.

When offered a job that earns you three times your former salary, the decision to take it should be easy, only if you did not have to cross two oceans away from your loved ones and entire history.

The heart and mind disagree on major things.

The heart is a core of the human, affecting every decision he makes. When a heart is raw, unused, tender and pliable, it is capable of everything and anything that it is taught. Proverbs 22:6 highlights that whatever is taught a pliable heart will make the final mould.

At the end of the day, will the heart resemble a statue or remain beating with life. If you read "Don't Let it Get Hard" you will know what I mean.

The heart to heart with this woman opened my "heart", if I can say that. The two hearts connected on key levels and revealed things that may have been there but ignored or forgotten. The problem with the human heart is that it is dark and twisted. Jeremiah 17:9. The propensity of evil that a human heart has is unimaginable and only needs "activating" with the right head knowledge.

A child can easily turn terrorist because of the things his heart is being fed. At the same time, a child can become the very opposite, depending on how their heart is being moulded. Note this: information moulds the heart. Information changes the mind of the heart or approves what is already there.

Lately, people's hearts are hard. Everyone is becoming more insensitive and "open minded". What was strange to the heart is now commonplace. Information is changing our hearts.

At the core, we want what is bad for us. And go out of our way to even fight for it. We become broke because of it, lose sleep to it, fall sick by it, lose our very lives because of the bad. Our hearts wicked already become more wicked.

Thankfully, Ezekiel 36:26 provides a solution. Transplants are possible.

You can exchange your old heart for a new one. With freshness, purity, goodness. This heart can be maintained with a proper mind system. Right thinking!

When the writer in Romans 12 verse 2 writes "And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what [is] that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. " He shows us that you prove the will of God placed in your new heart by renewing your mind. What I am saying is, your new heart has all the files, updates, patches, fixes, needed. Your mind is now the only thing that needs convincing.

How does the renewing occur? Do not conform to the world. Conform to the Word. Many focus so much on the external, you would think they were going to eternity with it. Prada is just a body bag, Ray Ban suglasses your double eye patch, Revlon- the spice that removes the stench of the rotting corpse, Dolce Vita the anesthetic on the thorn filled path to destruction. "Whoredom and wine and new wine take away the heart. " Hosea 4:11

So much focus on the external blinds us to the reality of eternity, the reality of righteousness, the reality of God. Jesus notes "Take heed and beware of covetousness, for one’s life does not consist in the abundance of the things he possesses" Luke 12: 15.

Mind the heart. For out of it flow the issues of life. Proverbs 4:23

Having heard such a hearty exchange with the lovely lady, I am convinced, if half of the hearts in the world were in the right place, half of the vices would not exist. So, what are you feeding your heart? Is it the old dead one or the new one? Are you priding yourself in dead things, or awakening to the living?

I am pondering on these words of Jude

"¹² These are spots in your love feasts, while they feast with you without fear, serving only themselves. They are clouds without water, carried about^[c] by the winds; late autumn trees without fruit, twice dead, pulled up by the roots; ¹³ raging waves of the sea, foaming up their own shame; wandering stars for whom is reserved the blackness of darkness forever. " Jude 1:12-13.

I do not want to be twice dead. Period. I am going to mind my heart. It would be well you too, do.

Further study:
Hosea 4. Romans 1. Romans 12. Titus. Jude.

Enjoy.

chaos

When did I ever wake up this early? I cannot remember. I wonder why I am up and I am conviced it is because of work. However, deep somewhere down in my heart I know that is not the reason. I have poundings in my heart. Painful pangs of chaos. ...

My current state of "repairs".

So, this is an attempt to prevent any unwanted usage as a mat of a transformer, according to Angela Kintu. I hope I beat the 235 minute deadline. :)

I am attempting to write this post the fastest way I can but the distractions are immense. I have an appointment in less than half an hour, and I need to have some samples designed before that time. I am also interviewing a great designer for an upcoming article, not to mention I may have to chip in tea.

I was not told that an office job is crazier than freelancing. Deadlines, multitasking, attention to detail on a much greater level. I am happy I am employed, it is a testimony that God hears and does answer in His perfect timing. Do not quit believing.

I am not about to get married. However, many of my friends are.

[an hour later, I am still working on this post].

I like my space sometimes. Problem is, on the days I want it most, there are many that would want my attention. That is not a bad thing. It helps one avoid pitfalls sometimes, for example, depression. However, when my space is for issues of relating with God, I am sorry I may not give my space away. I still have some exceptions on that case....mostly fair ones. ;)

I love fried stuff, nonetheless, I am not fat. I tried to get fat, and concluded that is not my gift. Maybe I did not really try. A workmate asked one time why "geeks" or computer people are small and I am no longer amused by the question. Nor by the one that suggests that IT people, take longer to marry because there is initially a conflict of interest. Women and IT, sadly have not yet mixed.

I miss writing. Writing poetry, writing pietry, writing prose... I miss it. I have sort of moved away from my heart and moved outside to things like gaming. What should I do? And to think I had wanted to win a Laureate award back in the day. Hmmm...

I am nobody important, you would not know me, except of course if for some reason you've seen my name randomly in a Newspaper or on a wall in graffiti on some road in the UK. I am shy. Please talk to me first, it's not that I am proud, I just have failed to say the first word.

I heard a funny word yesterday- xyctosis, I do not think it is even a word, it is just a sound. A funny sound. I was being cautioned on not wasting my xyctosis on the wrong thing. That I must wait for the right thing to come along. Thing in which case could range from living things to non living things.

I went visiting on Tuesday at a hostel and felt lost. Growing up really gives you perspective. The things people at hostels [read Campus] value are such diminutive in comparison to the things they will value when off campus. Sometimes however, a season will not affect value, rather a person's character and sadly fewer and fewer people, especially the youth, have values.

Okay, I can say I am done with this randomness. Coz, frankly, I need to go make money for this company but I must say this was fun. :) Will try it again some time.

I did not even talk about repairs... ugh! But, next time.

England Looting and God

If you look at this article and this and also this, and even this you will realise that many people in England have lost faith.

The fact that there is looting by the youth as young as 12 or even younger indicates that there is a generally growing trend of secularism. Given that the items looted are mainly electronics like laptops and phones, not to mention designer clothes, it would seem the rioters are satisfying a need to be as materialistic as their richer friends.

There is no contentment, there is lack of restraint, frustration, no conscience at all. Why? God has been forgotten. Right and wrong thrown to the dogs. One wonders why the same people impose rules on other states who are still seeking the direction of God.

If a leadership abandons God, the people being led follow suit. When the economy takes precedence in a man's affairs, his conscience surely departs.

I could have said more, but my opinion is, these riots show us that England has stopped teaching her children the values, ethics, morals that come from the knowledge of Our Maker.

There is a lack of godliness in England. How sad yet it was England that brought the knowledge of God to this country.

Alas.

Proverbs 14:34.

She wants a Chef

When a man is looking to marry, there are certain things that never fail to appear on his "list of thing a good wife must have/know how to do". Here is a peak, and by the way, please do not go off saying this is some sexist gender biased post, it is not.

1. Great body
2. Well mannered
   
3. Educated mind
4. Amazing culinary skills
5. Better laundry skills
6. Good at handling money
7. God fearing
8. Good with children
9. ................................(fill in)

The items are not placed in any particular order. However, this is my point, what if the women had a list too, how many of these would I tick ?

So she wants a chef...lol

Mind Your Business

I woke up this morning needing refreshment. There are days we wake up and when we try to peek into the day, see a lot of discomfort, pain and anxiety. My heart was thirsty for it knew my soul was parched. Thoughts of anger, lack of motivation, unforgiveness, hatred and many other were stuffing all the good space in me. I was bound to have a bad day if I started it like this.

So, I decided to do what I knew would change the situation. I talked to Him. There is something about Him which is just so liberating .2Co 3:17 . Liberating in that, it frees you from those thoughts that make you want to feel like that's how life is, yet to Him, there is a more excellent way!

I did talk to Him. Released my heart. Spoke His Word. Maybe I let some anger go, some frustration, some tears. I needed to, I think.

Then as I read and thought about Him, it occurred to me that His only business was His Father's. He completely gave up His own desires, dreams, hopes, fantasies, and decided to go after only that which was in His Father's interest. Phil 2:5-9. John 14:24.

He did not ever caught up in wanting to be like His peers. Sure, he had peers. Some were married, some were fathers, some were wealthy business owners, some had repute. However, that was not His focus, not His interest. His interest was in pleasing His Father. Luke 2:49. John 5:30.

His mind was focused on pleasing His Father. He was about His Father's business. Not His own.

Strangely enough, even when He called two of His disciples, Simon Peter and Andrew, He said to them, Matthew 4:19. They would no longer continue in their vocation, or profession. They were no going to follow Him and do His will.

So why do we get discouraged, distracted, when living for the Lord? Why do we seek to live Bill Gates life, or Usain Bolt's life, or Chris Brown's life when our Lord specialised and his disciples did too?

We are not called to live the same life. There are those of us called like Christ Jesus to devote to the Father, and nothing else will work unless we do. Matthew 6:33. We are busy seeking other things before we have found the Lord, thinking they are the key to joy, peace, happiness , LIFE!.

Yes He does tell us to glorify Him in all we do. 1 Cor 10:31. Yet there are many of us who have told to only have one way to do so, and that is by living for Him, telling others about Him, doing what He asked us to do.

I pray to be the kind that shall mind my own business, by minding His business, just like Jesus Christ's only business was the Father's business.

God bless.

Baseline:

John 15:4,7 Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it remains in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me. If you abide in Me, and My Words abide in you, you shall ask what you will, and it shall be done to you.

Forbidden Memoirs

They had not talked in a while. It was not abnormal. After all, she was a married woman. They were not supposed to be talking all the time; that used to happen when they were still both single, but now that she was married, she needed to talk to her husband more.

However, she was here and so was he. He said her name, "Michelle", she replied " "Ethan, it's been long." He asked her how she was and she said she was okay. Then proceeded to say how her life was grown up and that it was very scary. She had to take responsibility for her husband, and him her.

He thought that that was standard procedure and found it a non issue. She did not take his belittling of her situation lightly. She told him he did not understand and said it was a new experience, at the same time difficult. He smiled and thought it funny, that she was talking like this, after almost a year of marriage. However, he did not back down, maintaining it was her responsibility, she had to do her duty regardless of how she felt. After all, she made vows, she must have known what she was getting into.

Maybe she got a little angry, he did not know, all he could see were the words appearing on the screen as she typed.

She seemed not to mind as she told him how she'd not been feeling well. He sympathised. Perhaps had they been physically communicating, maybe he'd have offered an embrace, maybe. Maybe she'd have accepted it.

For some reason he asked her about a certain call she had made, and why she had hung up on him. At first, she could not exactly remember, but after some explanations she did. She had hung up because she was reminding him about a moment they had shared and that while she remembered everything very well, he seemed to have no idea what she was talking about.

It was a big deal to her. And although at the time he seemed to have no idea, it was a big deal to him as well. Later as she explained, he understood: it was the time they had that magical walk across the timeless bridge. That moment stayed etched on each others heart, as though joining them regardless of how far they had separated.

Nay, it was not the only thing. For from that moment, they followed a train of conversation remembering the good times they had shared in the past. He dared that she had forgotten a lot, but as she spoke, he discovered that she had not forgotten anything and that she treasured the memories as much as he did. She called them poignant memories. A troubling thing for a married woman to say.

At the moment, they failed to see it, but their hearts were leading them on. She did not want to give herself away, she could not make it explicit. She was married. What he saw on the screen next broke his heart. "I must have liked you some. I hang out with you, so much."

When chatting, silences mean a lot and he did not want to appear caught off guard. So he told her she was in denial she had liked him all along. She said maybe she had been in denial , but added, "I don't know how many guys I would have dated unnecessarily if it weren't for you."

What ensued was a conversation they had been avoiding for ages: The reason why they had ended up apart. He had needed to choose between her and God and that time. She never understood why. They had already chosen God. Why was he leaving her now? Why did he need to change Church? She had been brought here by him. It was everything she wanted and now after bringing her, he would leave her there? She explained to him, that at that time, she had not understood. For a moment it brought them apart. Only for a moment. However, that moment remained.

It was evident for now that perhaps some mistakes had been made, that perhaps some rash decisions were taken, that perhaps in another life, the surname she would be using would be his. In this life however, that had not been.

They both felt a deep sense of regret, because on the opposite sides of the screen were the people they were had been most comfortable with, the people they wanted to be with. Even when they spent ages apart, a single session of communication joined them instantly.

Michelle told him she had to leave and run some errands, so she excused herself and left Ethan alone in thought. But she was running away, again. Some things were hard to bear.

It was sad. Perhaps better they had not had this conversation. He realised she could have been his, and kept wondering why she had gone on with the wedding? Was it her family? Was it her friends? He would keep asking himself. And that he was learning all this now?

JBN

Amazing

The LORD thy God in the midst of thee [is] mighty; he will save, he will rejoice over thee with joy; he will rest in his love, he will joy over thee with singing. (Zephaniah 3:17)

Amazing.

Sometimes Girls Are Just ....

"It is not fair for one person to have that much power over another..." That is what somebody said regarding a boy/girl relationship. And yesterday I saw the truth in that statement. One of the few things that will make a man considerably weak and helpless and downright exposed, is his emotions for a woman.

"If you're a player out there sit your tail down and grow up..."

I am not writing from the view of a player, I am writing from the view of men who have discovered that the one worthwhile thing they can truly love is also the same thing that can make them truly abhor.

I do not know if I have the words to express what I want to express but, darn, sometimes girls just need to grow up.

There is an old tradition among women which goes along the lines of a guy doesn't love a woman who is "easy to get" and therefore meaning, never say yes to a guy the first time he asks you out. In other words, there is some unwritten rule that allows women to lead men on on the guise of proving if the guys really like them. So, they expect that the guy who doesn't take no for an answer really likes you, and the one who believes your no and moves on was just a joker.

I am not saying there is completely no truth in the above statement, however, over time, men are changing. After preaching the "no means no" gospel in the last century, women expect men not to practice what they have preached. No means no. Not wait.

I have met men who have taken the women at their word, honorable men who do not have time to engage their hearts in dangerous risk behaviour of maybes. They have received the no's albeit with a lot of heartbreak but have moved on, gone forward, left the women in their past.

So it is annoying when the same women come back and assault you with an unbelievable amount of attention trying to entice you back to what you have moved on from.

For some reason, men are taken to be beasts with hearts of steel. On the outside, maybe, but very few women know the thing a guy goes through to express his heart for a girl. A man is raised up to be strong, courageous, honorable and it seems to many men are more machine than human. That is not true.

The reason men seem to become machine is that they treasure their heart immensely and when one plays with it, the man, retrieves heart and guards it at whatever cost. Never wonder why crushes at school used to make men soft? That is a sacred part of a guy. Not saying it is not sacred for a woman too.

What I am saying is, girls need to grow up and stop thinking men are playthings you can remove from the closet whenever you feel like it.

A close friend shared with me how he was cruelly let down by a girl after almost a year of pursuit. She accepted the dates, received the gifts, as though everything was okay. Brother plots to make his true heart known and does so. Girl tells him she has heard and will get back to him as she has certain pressing things to do. Time passes and finally they meet. So, she decides to give him the answer, and the best way for her to do it was by saying, she has met someone she is more attracted to than him?!!!

Friend loses words, loses appetite, almost breaks down. His heart has been hit by a 2 ton boulder, and pressed against a 10 metre thick wall of concrete.

Well, if you don't like me like that, tell me so. Better yet, do not lead me on to think you may like me back like that. But what is worse is demeaning and devaluing a man by telling him there is a better guy you have met. That to me was cruel. Can easily make a man a player.

Another friend had a similar experience, he did not even drive home, he walked home. Grieved like he had lost a relative. The thing is , I do not think women take a man's pursuit in the same importance with which they treat their "in love" emotions. Want to break a man, (not a player), break his heart through a love for a woman.

You will know why Samson lost his hair and died a blind man.

Man can be wealthy, honorable, wise, but once you put a woman in the picture, all those things suddenly lose splendour. When a man loves a woman, believe me it is not a joke. I am not saying that means he deserves to be loved back just cause he loves seriously and solemnly.

I have a friend called Adler. She is a woman. She did not lead Sherlock on. From the moment she discovered he had feelings for her, she let him know she was not in the same mindset or "emotionset" and told him she would not lead him on but that they could be friends. Sher and Adler are one of the greatest examples of friendship I know. Why? There was mutual respect for each others feelings.

So, before you lead a guy on, girl, know that if you are joking about it, you may make a beast or a machine out of a man and so it is better to be wise enough and kind enough to let him know the truth early on before he gets over the moon.

Some people learn on the job, some people come already qualified. Whether you like a guy or maybe think you can learn to like him, why not be wise enough and let him know what is on the ground?

I think sometimes women/girls are just so selfish and cruel.

Baseline:
...does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 1 Cor 13:5

We are Hosea's Wife

I just spoke silence with the seeker next to me
She had a heart with hesitant, halting speech
That turned to mine and asked belligerently
"What do I live for?"

I see the scars of searches everywhere I go
From hearts to wars to literature to radio
There's a question like a shame no one will show
"What do I live for?"

We are Hosea's wife
We are squandering this life
Using people like ladders and words like knives

If we've eyes to see
If we've ears to hear
To find it in our hearts and mouths
The word that saves is near
Shed that shallow skin
Come and live again
Leave all you were before
To believe is to begin

There is truth in little corners of our lives
There are hints of it in songs and children's eyes
It's familiar, like an ancient lullaby
What do I live for?

We are Hosea's wife
We are squandering this life
Using bodies like money and truth like lies

We are more than dust
That means something
That means something
We are more than just
Blood and emotions
Inklings and notions
Atoms on oceans

By Brooke Fraser

Why Grace?

It's not that people cannot work for it, it's just that people will always want to do more, will always want to prove something, will always want to have one more star, their name in lights, on the silver screen...men will always need approval for their efforts.

Men can attempt to do right but at one point the line between doing right and motive for doing right will be lost. Sooner than later, you won't be giving because it is the right thing to do but rather because you want to receive applause for giving the bigger amount. Didn't the pharisees blow their own trumpets before they gave alms?

Righteousness can not be attained through our works, because somewhere along the way, superlatives will come into play.

Adam levelled the ground, out of him reduces us all to failure. Which is why we need grace. Grace demands no superlatives. Grace will take the best or the worst, the cleanest or filthiest. The shortest or tallest. The wisest or stupidest.

No need to pull rope trying to prove I am better than you. His blood makes us all acceptable.

Forget your goodness, your wealth, your wisdom, there are earthly merits. When it comes to God, the only merit is grace and faith in the Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.

God bless.

I am Your Everyday Academic -Emotional Christian

I am an Academic -Emotional Christian. I am far from the Spiritual, Faith part of this walk.

I am moved by the Word of God, yes. I am moved by the Word of God only to the point of saying "wow", or "amen" or "this is so true", or "My God". Sure it moves me but not to the point where I actually want to make a difference:Where I know it is true but will not take the effort to make a change.
I am moved by the word of God. I am moved by the word of God but only through television, and in the e-mail devotional, Oh yes even on radio broadcasts. I catch snacks instead of "man shall not live by bread alone but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God" I limit the effect of God's word by demeaning it's importance in my life. I never have time for meditation, for study, for prayer, but have enough time for facebook, tetris, cards and FIFA10... I know, I've heard guys saying this before, but it's just no longer appealing.

I am able to recite John 3:16 , Jeremiah 29:11, Philippians 4:6,7, 1 Cor 2:9 but never willing to go further to John 3:17, 18, 19 , 20; Jeremiah 29:11 onto 18 and 19; Philippians 4:8 and 9; 1 Cor 2:8. I prefer what is emotionally appealing.

I am emotionally living and not living by faith. I love to not judge, but am quiet on correcting and discipline. I am quick to be "inclusive" at the expense of holiness and justice.

I am going to be held accountable for loving someone so right yet not enough to lead them to the cross. I think I will hurt their feelings by telling them God does not approve of how they live their life. I am scared of being called unloving, politically incorrect, unfeeling, inhuman, selfish, close-minded if I tell it like it is.

I am glad when I hear feel-good Christian music but when it gets preachy, I lower the volume. I dance at God is enough-Lecrae but slightly turn away when they play After the music stops by the same man. I am wary of reproof but rejoice at encouragement.

Yeah I love the Lord, I know he understands my addiction, my passion, my habit. I guess if He saw fit since He is sovereign to give me this "thorn", then He will take it away Himself. I am okay with how I am. I won't be bothered to grow in discipline after all He can take it away, His grace is sufficient. I have relegated the need to grow to the need to be accepted, the need to feel okay

I am academic, I know what's in the Bible, and I am emotional, I love to feel good inside. But going further addressing the spiritual?

Baseline:
¹² For though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you again the first principles of the oracles of God; and you have come to need milk and not solid food. ¹³ For everyone who partakes only of milk is unskilled in the word of righteousness, for he is a babe. ¹⁴ But solid food belongs to those who are of full age, that is, those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil. Hebrews 5. NKJV

John 6:63 It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh profits nothing. The words that I speak to you are spirit, and they are life. NKJV

⁶ For to be carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace. Romans 8. NKJV

Find me

When it rains, let is wash
For my sins are upto my neck,
Regret down to my toes
Water, crystal clear, crystal clean
Wash away my sorrow.

When I let my eyes rove to the left ,
To the right;
Where is my shield, where is my name
Floating on this field creaking crumbling, very weak
Rain from above, wash away, wash away?

In a frenzy of uncertainty,
In a fury of doubt,
Ageless grace won't you find me
Direct me in your stream,
Carry me with your flow?

I don't know, I am scared
Sort of flipping, very pale,
What was clearing, some blurs more
I hate these shades,
Give me grace, no greys.

Risk Management

Was reading up about risk management, trying to understand more about risk in business ventures. In short, it involves identifying the risk, assessing it and prioritising it. Risk is in simple terms an uncertainty of an objective- your plans could succeed or fail. There is no definite way to predict to the highest correctness whether the outcome of your actions will be a success and not a failure.

Somethings are more risky than others because of the value of loss involved. Chances are if you bet on Manchester United winning in a Champions' League Final against Barcelona FC, you will lose your money. Why? Manchester are not half as good as the Catalans. In such cases, the skill is measurable.

What about when it comes to unmeasurables, for example, a person's will?

In Economics, one of the reasons people buy yet they do not necessarily need to is because despite the measurable variables, humans are oft illogical and will sometimes be led by their hearts and not their heads.

Between the heart and mind, what would I choose? Tough decision, out of the heart the issues of life flow but with a dead mind, we make all the wrong decisions.

When it comes to a person's will and their emotions, risk management becomes impossible. No way to determine an outcome, no previous data, nothing at all. Which is why we have this thing called hope. Hope is a nice little animal that sees the glass as always half full. There is always something good to look forward to in its books. Our hearts for some reason decide to hope, when they do not, they draw back.

The WORD lets us know that faith is the substance of things hoped for. Faith without hope isn't faith. There needs to be a glass half full seen before one can believe it will be.

So, when our happiness depends on unclear circumstances, or a person's choice, we are left with hope, not even faith, just hope. For a man's will is theirs, and unless illegally bent by mind control, it is not subject to anyone else.

Can hope be perfected? So that despite the outcome, a man's heart fails not? I believe it can be.

Rom 5:5 And hope does not make us ashamed, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit given to us.

Risk management when dealing with free will? Hope. Especially when the love of God has been poured out in the heart through God's Holy Spirit. May there be comfort, refuge and restoration when things go bad, even when you hoped they would not. With these, hope and love, you can be like Joseph who endured his brothers' ostracism, prison, betrayal but still forgave.

You can be like David who though could have killed his enemy, turned from the evil act or above all, be like Emmanuel who forgave his assailants in the act of murdering him.

Hope you make sense of this.
Goodnight.

This is just for you.

Strange but Sweet Love.

Laughter, smiles, voice
When all are yours,
Leave me utterly no choice
But to ask for more.

More time to hear, feel, love, look
"Don't go yet"
Fairy tale book;
Sweets, ...it might be flavoured fate.

Elixir of love?
Fuel of longing?
It is all I have
And I keep on hoping.

I could start now,
To open and fill these cherry pages,
But we're both asking how
Yet somehow the double-tip pen forward-edges.

Subtle, but strangely imposing
It stays like good wine in a cellar.
Two boats on a sea sailing,
You and I, dreams gone stellar.

Isn't it strange yet sweet, love?

Leaving May.

Isn't it weird that it seems I always write an end of month post? Hmm...

May. Is going away.

I remember that as April came to an end, I thanked God for certain good things and hoped to do some new good in May. Well, the fifth month of the year is over and now we are crossing into the second half of 2011.

One. If there was actually a rapture and it took a select few, then I am in trouble. It means no more grace; this translates into getting what we deserve, earning our salvation, henceforth meaning we must all be on our best behaviour even after accepting the good Lord and Saviour. Not that we behaving badly was sanctioned before the rapture, but that after the rapture, there is no grace, no cover for your wrongs. Thank God Jesus is the picture of grace. Thank God for grace. With it, we can actually live a life pleasing to Him even when we are so weak (of course through faith- Eph 2:8)

Besides that, there are things I thought I would have done by the sixth month but the machinery for bringing them is taking its time. I am still patient though, because I have hope, I have a dream and will keep believing till I see these things come to pass.

Now, May has been particularly victorious. I was able to form a mutual benefit friendship with a very wise person and we are both reaping from the support we give each other. Iron sharpens iron, they say- cannot be truer. The Word says that two are better than one, one person puts 1000 men to flight, two people put 10,000 men to flight. So I am glad for the victories that are out of friendship that is honest and supportive.

However, scoffers were shouting very loudly in this month and for the past few days, I felt like I had no faith whatsoever! I was scared! Uneasy. Unhappy. Only for grace did I get the courage to pray and tell Him about it and already I am feeling better.

Love is funny. But it is beautiful too.

I am hoping for a June that is far greater in excellence than May. I know it is possible- I am believing and praying. May has been a testimony that God actually hears us when we pray and sends us the help we need.

Come June. You are already blessed.

Go with them two miles

I don't want to sleep tonight.

I have a working day tomorrow notwithstanding.

I think the muse had plans for me tonight but must have forgotten to make up his mind along the way; and I just thought, maybe music comes from the word muse.

I like to remind myself- there is grace, and it has no greys. To remember that when it rains, all our sins are washed away. Grace is not a mystery, it is not in need of a thesis. Grace is precious like gold, yet common like the airtime vendor. Nothing complex about it yet it is very comprehensive....all our sins are washed away.

Well, when the grace of God is in your life, you realise quickly that you've been given a get out of jail free card and some others to give out. Isn't it strange when we fail to do the same for others, when we fail to mete out the grace poured upon us to others? Claiming how incredulous people can be yet that's what the "accuser" is always telling God about us?

I can be dumb. Allow me to express myself though, hoping to emulate King David in his sincerity.

I never thought I'd ever be stood up, at least since 2007. I thought I had a good understanding with the people I connect with in that if anything happens maybe I will get a call to warn me about the danger of being stood up. For example, if I am running late, be told so.

I did not think it too much to ask since I like to be the one keeping time most of the time, and since I have learned to wait. I once had to wait close to two hours for a meeting I had been invited to to start, in those two hours none of the "inviters" had showed up!

I do not think it too much to ask for a warning.

Anyway, on this day as I get to the venue, I receive a text announcing how the other party has already left. The party cites their reason for leaving as having been there earlier and the waiter giving strange looks.

Blank stares and disbelief follows. I go an extra step and call up other party. They promptly apologise and go ahead to hang up on a call I have made... Hmmm. This time laughter ensues. I decide I will not whine or complain so I turn my attention to other things.

Today though, this thought comes up because worse than being stood up is being left on a date, with the wine glass in your hand, or worse still with the ring still in the box.

And are those not the times it calls for grace? I have my failings, I agree but they have to do with relatives... relatives can be such a test... As for those we relate with by choice, certain actions can easily cause anger, disbelief, ire, etc... So, in consideration that we have done worse to God, can't we be more gracious to others in how we react to the wrongs they do us?

Jus saying.

Baseline
You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles. Matthew 5:38-41

Open letter and apology to my homosexual friends

For the homosexual who may not be comfortable with his or her sexual conduct, I pray you give me ear.

For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God, being justified freely by His grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus; whom God has set forth to be a propitiation through faith in His blood, to declare His righteousness through the passing by of the sins that had taken place before, in the forbearance of God; for the display of His righteousness at this time, for Him to be just and, forgiving the one being of the faith of Jesus. Then where is the boasting? It is excluded. Through what law? Of works? No, but through the law of faith.
Therefore we conclude that a man is justified by faith without the works of the Law. Or is He the God of the Jews only, and not also of the nations? Yes, of the nations also, since it is one God who will justify circumcision by faith, and uncircumcision through faith. Do we then make the Law void through faith? Let it not be! But we establish the Law.
Rom 3:23-31

There is a debate going on about the passing of the Anti-Homosexuality Bill and it has generated a lot of anger from you. It seems like the intention of the Uganda Government and all in support of the Bill want to lock you up and let you rot in jail because of what you sanely choose.

Sorry for appearing like a self righteous bigot whose only estimation of you is that you should die. If that has been seen in the way I express myself I am sorry, I beg to rectify that image.
As a Christian, I take great comfort in knowing that I once was bound in hopelessness too, hating the thing I was doing but not seeming to stop doing it. I take great comfort in Jesus laying His life down for me so that I could receive His righteousness. I recognize when He reached out to me, I was a sinner to the core without hope and a child of His wrath because of my disobedience.

I learned that no matter how much I wanted to change, the law could not help me, it was but a shadow. It showed me the standard but did not really show me how to live to it. It never empowered me. In the same way, many of you feel like the Bahati bill cannot in anyway cause you to change, and that it in fact condemns you. It seeks not your welfare but your destruction. I understand how you feel. That is the work of the law. It shows perfection, rarely gives a solution.

The tug of war that seems to be going on between so called pro and anti has taken away much of the attention from the core issues I think we need to address. Yes, some of you seem to be in a circumstance you cannot control, but it is known there are others who have been oriented into that position.

While I agree the Bahati bill cannot work towards rehabilitation, it works especially against those who shamelessly do their acts in an aggravated manner. From my estimation of the bill, most of the focus is on aggravated homosexuality though it still addresses homosexuality in it’s “consentual” form. The aggravated form of it needs to be addressed, and in this case there are victims as well, who do not offer any consent and suffer.

I personally would like that a clause be included for those willing to change.

My beliefs may never meet with yours but I ascribe to rehabilitation. There are many who have changed their “orientation”, in which case I bring you to notice it is more about what you train your mind to accept rather than what you naturally feel.

I do not desire any of you perish. No, not in this life or the next. I pray that you may be able to see the grace of God available for you to change. Of course this only applies to those who see gay conduct as ungodly. There is help in God. No hope is lost.

God loves you, He seriously does, to the point He sacrificed His own son. Being gay is a choice, you can walk out of it, it is not God’s will.

I would like to say sorry for all the hate you seem to meet, sometimes we are misguided. In the end, my desire is we all may live righteous and uphold God’s holy law by the power that is given to us through Christ.

You can change.

Much love.