Sojourn by circumstance

Guys, I have not really had a so so good week, in fact I have come to ask of your forgiveness because I am not going to be here. My brother is seriously sick but he is coming down with a healing soon. Me, my foot has refused to be well, but only for a while. Your prayers are welcome.

Meanwhile, I leave you with this.

Psalm 21.

Joy in the Salvation of the Lord
To the Chief Musician. A Psalm of David.
The king shall have joy in Your strength, O Lord;
And in Your salvation how greatly shall he rejoice!
You have given him his heart's desire,
And have not withheld the request of his lips.
Selah

For You meet him with the blessings of goodness;
You set a crown of pure gold upon his head.
He asked life from You, and You gave it to him--
Length of days forever and ever.
His glory is great in Your salvation;
Honor and majesty You have placed upon him.
For You have made him most blessed forever;
You have made him exceedingly glad with Your presence.
For the king trusts in the Lord,
And through the mercy of the Most High he shall not be moved.

Your hand will find all Your enemies;
Your right hand will find those who hate You.
You shall make them as a fiery oven in the time of Your anger;
The Lord shall swallow them up in His wrath,
And the fire shall devour them.
Their offspring You shall destroy from the earth,
And their descendants from among the sons of men.
For they intended evil against You;
They devised a plot which they are not able to perform.
Therefore You will make them turn their back;
You will make ready Your arrows on Your string toward their faces.

Be exalted, O Lord, in Your own strength!
We will sing and praise Your power.

1Pet 2:9 But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God's own people, that you may declare the wonderful deeds of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.

Love you all.

This little shy boy is my cousin.

This little shy boy is my cousin.


He has a knack for asking questions that I find hard to answer. He is as persistent as a monkey that wants to know how smooth snake skin feels. However that is not the problem. This little cousin of mine and I have struck up a nice relationship. In fact we sleep in the same room and on some nights discuss matters of absolute importance (read girls) till the almost wee hours of the morning.

This is me...(notice the resemblance)


Joel and I share a name; yes I mean that while his name is Joel mine is Joel- make sense? Okay, we move on. He and I never used to talk like we do previously. By previously I mean before last year. Talking was never a priority. In fact at home it was mostly voice commands when it came to him; and that was what everybody else used, like

“Have you bathed?”, “Have you taken drugs?” etc etc and his answer would either be “yes” or “no”. There was nothing like a relationship. I doubt he enjoyed coming to visit us, apart from playing Mortal Kombat and Bikes on the computer, the rest was really impersonal.

This is our favourite rap duo- The Grits. (Our favourite song is Where are you going by these two- Coffee and Bonafide)


What made it worse for the poor boy was that he had just previously lost his mom and brother. So, the trauma never allowed him to speak. We mistook the trauma for pride, I think. I am ashamed of myself. But let us move on anyway.

So Joel joined secondary school three years ago. He is now going to join senior three and so he came home for the Christmas break. I guess it would have been the same as each year hadn’t I moved out of the main house. So, my ka-temporary place is a bit spacious. It can handle two beds and ….yeah, so… My aunt decided that instead of sleeping via some hard floor he better move in with me.

The first nights were “normal”, normal being we did not talk that much if at all. However the subsequent nights kind of eased the both of us and we began speaking for long hours and on comprehensive topics (read girls). He does not talk to any of the guys at home like he does with me. I have been able to promise and deliver ice cream which he had longed for and made it a point to chip in some chops. (Sweet buttercookie, it was for the love of the boy…)

This is Coffee in the video of "Here We Go".

Yesterday I had issues. So when I got home, I went straight to my crib, did not talk mob with anyone. I decided to get onto the laptop and play NFS MW, to pass some time and think of my issues. After a while, I needed to go to the toilet and in the process passed by the fridge to get something cold. From the toilet I was going back to my crib and Joel said,

“Eiiih…as if I am not a person?”

I wondered whatever this little boy was trying to say

“Ever since you came back, you have not even said anything to me?”…

I felt bad on the inside, in fact I knew I was guilty but I like most guys would do, spoke as if I did not even commit the crime committed. I then went on to ask him how he was and that he was looking different because of the new t-shirt he was donning.

I quickly continued to my crib. Then I felt that sincerely I had not been a good brother/cousin. Thus this post. I love my cousin, he is one of the few souls I can take freely with among my relatives. He is like my kid brother. I felt bad for what I did but would like to give him a treat..what do u think I should do? I mean in a big way? More ice cream perhaps?


Anyway, when all is said and done, I guess the point of this post is to remind us not to forget who we are in the eyes of those around us. Be the Father, Mother, Wife, Husband, Brother, Sister, Teacher you ought to be despite your own personal struggles. There are people who look up to you for hope and consolation; you are their piece of relief. Whether you’re feeling wicked on the inside or angelic, to them you remain Joel, the cousin who talks with them each time he comes back from work.


On my stereo

No more- Papa San feat Cyril
Tight with these- Grits
How it used to be -Kirk Franklin
All I Ever Needed- Sherwin Gardner feat Isaac Blackman
Eye on the Sparrow- Sherwin Gardner
Disaster- Papa San
What is this- Mary Mary
Still in love- Kirk Franklin
Higher Heights- Papa San

Give me more

Chords, strings, hihats moving together in sync. It starts like a marathon race, first slowly then picking pace. Once in a while the pace slows down, like the runner slowing to grab a bottle of water and then again picks up.

There is a rush that comes with it, something deep down in the underground of the body. It is something that cannot be touched, cannot be explained aptly; it can only be felt.

It is the heart's pace growing faster with every turn on the journey. A fire starts and cannot be put out.

It feels good. It feels damn good.


Accelerando: the waves take me on a new high, I can almost touch the stars. I can almost kiss the moon.

Cadence: suddenly dawns on me, the bridge I can sit on.

Adagio: Somehow the waves take carry me like a baby in a cradle and the mellow sound puts me at ease. I feel peaceful.

I want more, I want some more and a lot more. Yet a time comes for the journey to end. The sway of the feeling must meet demise when the last string is strummed, when the last hihat is heard and I must stop.

The music is magical people, the music is like a drug. Give me music, give me their music.

Introducing

INTRODUCING




THE SAFYRE





The big brother/cousin I told you about has followed me to blogger...hehe. For those who didn't attend BHH, you will see him another time. As for now, enjoy.

Desert song

Bang bang bang!!

The hammer keeps banging at the bones. He tries to rub the knee but the pain cannot be touched; it is only felt.

Bang bang bang!

His eyes become watery and he lifts up his leg, hoping the pain will subside....
But this pain sometimes never listens: Bang bang bang!

I do what I know best but at some point the groans almost whet my eyes to tear. So I walk out of the room, praying he gets better.

I wish I could explain it was a friend, but no- it's my brother in crisis.

...
Desert Song, Hillsong

Verse 1:
This is my prayer in the desert
And all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in the hunger in me
My God is a God who provides

Verse 2:
And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames

Chorus:
And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon forged against me shall remain

I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

Verse 3:
And this is my prayer in the battle
And triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand

Bridge:
All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

Verse 4:
This is my prayer in the harvest
When favour and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I've received I will sow...

Fellowship at Mateos

I swear Antipop has a recording camera in her eyes and a mic in her ears plus a well controlled Operating System up in her head. She remembers word for word most of the conversations she took part in yesterday. If you have already watched the showing I do not know if you will enjoy this a lot because I think Carlo and I seem to share agnosia (snob sickness) but here I go.

I never go to a new place alone. Mummy told me if I am to talk to strangers I should move with someone older. I am not saying all of the people at Blogopolis are strangers but how would I know I had never seen them! I could believe Lulu because I "see" her often. For Dee, I had met previously at a soup kitchen but also had been surprised to see her on another occasion when I bought airtime. The Dark Knight-Rogue-Dawg-King removed the mask recently so I knew what to expect. I had been able to catch glimpses of Detamble but it was good finding out yesterday Rev's hair was actually not red. I had caught a glimpse of Chanel5 but thought she would be taller.

Apart from the afore mentioned, I could call the rest strangers. So I came with my big brother/cousin Simon, who is 13 days older than me.

Bare with me I cannot recount a story as good as Antipop so let me....uh, try to make some sense.

Edmund looks suave. And he behaves like a gentleman. I noticed coz my big brother Simon is always giving me pointers on how to be a gentleman and I saw some in him. Please, I am not gay, just paying homage.

Lulu, sweetness. She can talk. Problem is I did not talk with her that much but she gave me a head pat. The one big sisters give kid brothers. She has gained good weight. Last time I saw her she looked like a shorter Ivan. That was way back in school.



I was shocked to find that Detamble looks more peaceable in person. I hope she was not being too protected by Rev, who wants to buy a gun given his pocket knife proved non yielding in stopping robbers who were running away from his hands' thrusts. I learnt he is a code freak but is also a major fan of the Rogue King. This brother owns green- no wonder he is giving up on communism.

Dee is a friendly gael. She made me feel comfortable with her conversation which due to agnosia I cannot properly remember. But she talked about VISA....Eh, and she had a new camera which I think will have a pishure of me for your brain's "my pictures" folder.

Then a white lady came in. She had not seen us till Dee called her by this name "Rebekah". Remember her in the Bible the one who favoured one of her children over the other? Yes I was reading about her favouritism just a few minutes ago. I was informed that she is the grandmother of BHH- jAckfruity.

I was now getting bored. Dee had gone to sit with Lulu, Rev was talking with Detamble and Rebekah and I had no blogger to talk to. Lindah, who says she is a laywer then arrived. She could not pay attention to my pestering of who she was and what she does so it was a relief when a tall guy walked in smarted up and introduced himself as Johhny!

I couldn't believe it! I am sure he saw how I worshipped with the gleam in my eyes...I was excited to meet this guy coz his stories are quite interesting. I later got to find out he is my O.B as well. This is when I loosened up and knew I could talk to any one.

Johnny seemed like he was not well settled as he was asking where Antipop was. I am sure the person he talked to was her coz after that call he told me she would be coming.

Kings cannot be missed! So when the Dawg, Rogue, King man arrived I knew it was his highness. He is quite the popular one. He must have received a hug from every female.

After that I briefly moved out with Simon to meet a friend and when I came back I discovered my seat was inconspicuously hidden. More had arrived. I first passed a small dimpled woman who I assumed could be the Antipop. We said nothing to each other at the moment. She first went round, distributing hugs and handshakes and when she came back found me engaged in conversation with a rather good looking young belle who I found out is a neatsilverbow. Eunice is her name and does she remind me of....not today!

She gives off energy this silver bow, that's all I can say for now. I found out she and Antipop were former workmates but also friends, so she must work at The Chapter! I was taken aback when I saw her article- about babies and constipation.

So when she (the antipop) returned, I introduced myself as the nevman and then the dimples...ooh those dimples...

Ivan then appeared as if from nowhere, a tall man with almost no expression on his face. The Chanel5 followed after, and then Sula (whose blog I have now forgotten).

By this time my good seat had been taken over and I could only manage to sit behind the Rev and talk to those closest.

Lulu had left by now. And at the time Antipop and the Silver Bow were leaving. I was joining suit but then SK informed me the Cheri was arriving and wanted to talk to me.

So I waited and she called. I was glad to hear the voice of the butter cookie who informed me she would be sorting out some men issues thereafter. It was exciting talking to her.


After that I said my good byes.

I did not see Igis, Baz,Carlo, Tumwi etc. I thought UgGal would come...But enough talking. I am out of cyber saliva.

Dee, I am waiting for the snaps.

A Morning at the Police

She was a small bodied woman. Fair skin and braided hair. It looked old. She was short like Chandiru of the three . She came in, walking languidly and stood at the counter. She said something to the officer and a black book was opened.

"I have come to visit one of the people in the cell."

The cell was just adjacent to where the counter was. A heavy steel door with bars near the top where once in a while, someone would hold and peep through. It had a worn out tri-cycle padlock on it.

She told him a name and he got a book; it was a large one. I do not remember what was written on it but it recorded the names of people in the cell, the dates they were put in and the crimes they were accused of. He began turning the pages carefully, looking for the name. His finger landed on a particular name and it remained there.

"Do you know what case he's in here for?"

"No."

"Attempted rape."

As though he was poking at her.

.............

Brown skinned girl, not over 22. Blouse and skirt. No shoes. She was being moved to and fro offices. She had gentle looking eyes. Had a calm composure. Why was she here?
What was her story?

She reminded me of her. The big round eyes. She said nothing all the time I was there. All she said was yes to a question of whether the shoes she was being given were hers...

.............................

Dark man, normal build. He was putting on a white and red track suit and nice looking snake skin shoes. I wondered what he did for a living. I had been waiting four hours now for the O.C to make a return. There was no place to sit so we all were lingering outside the offices. So he began in Luganda;

"Life is not easy man."

I could only respond with a "Hmmmm.."

He then continued to tell me how he was reporting on issues of his bond. And how he ended up here.

"I was there in my butchery one day doing my good work when a police man came and told me to get out. He tried to come in on his own and I beat him. As I was there, I never realised there were four others outside. They were telling me to come out. I said I would not come out. "

I added an occasional "Eh! Ah!" here and there.

"These men thought I was easy but I stood my ground. So when they saw I wouldn't barge, they shot at me. Bwana, six shots through the roof! They thought they could scare me but I still jammed! I told them I was not going anywhere until they brought the Chairman to explain to me why they wanted to take me away.!"

I thought he had a good reason for resisting arrest until

"I knew why they had come but I just didn't want to go with them. The case is about the disappearance of some guy."

then I thought, "What if they see me talking to him and say I am an accomplice?" I prayed he would finish.

"Anyway, it was until the chairman came that I went but then as they were coming in to get me, one of them was pierced and they claimed it was me. I think one of the hooks that I hang the meat on did that. But then they put that case on me."

I wondered whether he was telling the truth.

"So man they opened three cases against me...."

"Ssebo, I think return at around 2pm because right now the O.C may not be coming."
This statement saved me from this butcher man. I decided to leave.
....................

"So brother why not I help you and you help me, on humanitarian grounds..."

I feigned ignorance of what he was meaning.

"What should I do?" I asked.

"Sir, the ball is now in your court, so...."

..............

Reporting loss of an I.D to the police in Uganda can take long but my visit to the station was quite interesting.

Fly things

"According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a man should be able to fly. He has no wings and his bones are too heavy to stay off the ground. The man, of course, flies anyway. Because man doesn't care what humans think is impossible."

No! I did not steal it from the Bee Movie...maybe just a little.

This is the year I want to go bungee jumping in Jinja. Why? I want to fly. It's getting tired; this pork eating bizness, and ice creaming in town. I want a new experience, I want to fly.

Flying for a minute may look vain but it is one minute...0ne, two , three, fifty nine, sixty seconds! Just free fall, the feeling of letting go.

Jinja is a wonderful place for nostalgia. The quiet as you approach the city is calming, the environ just amicable. I was there; remember when I crossed the river with her?.

I want to go back. Perhaps as a ritual. Usually defeating nostalgia needs facing it. But forget that, I am not writing about that today. I am writing about flying! And yes, men can fly.

God never gave us wings because (I posit) he gave us creativity and adrenaline. Look around you: the humiliation of Chelsea FC by Man United; Louis Hamilton at the F1 track; Usain Bolt at the 100 metres and me this December at Jinja.

December. The month where I usually grow older and think deeper. Also the month I will have saved enough dime to go bungee jumping, and it is one of the less congested months. All this hoping I will not have attended my burial by then.

This is not a bucket list. This is a fly plan.

I and my frère are less privileged than most of the people we know personally. He was set back as I was by a demon that decided to reincarnate in me and him. There was hope late last year that that demon can actually die but the costs are a tad too high. So, with that I began feeling the need to represent this thing; okay the people suffering from it.

I hate being called a sickler. It makes me feel less human than everybody else yet there is some truth in it. Take for example the fact that I was not really encouraged to get sporty because of the risks involved; I joined boarding late in life because of the same fear.

My condition made me hate a part of myself, I hated the disease and everything to do with. Tis the reason why I never felt particularly confident with her at first. In fact when she found out she was pissed off! But not because I was sick, rather because I was pity partying. The girl gave me a rebuke!

But do people understand this thing? Do people know what it means to be a minority? I do yet so vaguely. I have been to the Sickle Cell Clinic at Mulago and it brings tears to my eyes as well as questions to Abba. My mzee has somehow been able to pay the bills but the guys who go there cannot afford it.

The crises are so bad.....in the words of a singer whose name I cannot remember It's like rain made of broken glass falling heavily upon the bones.

What does this have to do with flying?

Like I said, men will fly despite the limitations. They will rise higher than the challenge and live.

I want to go bungee jumping in December to celebrate my life. Many say it is a miracle for us to live beyond twenty but looky here, I am almost fifty! Hehehe.
I should have died before, even my brother-he has been on oxygen many times but God is faithful!

Men can fly people, no matter their limitation. However, the men who fly highest are those least expected, and those are the ones who God strengthens.

So no matter what you're feeling now, how un-winged you see yourself, how lonely you are, God is able to make you fly. And this is why:

Isaiah 40:31 But those who trust in the LORD for help will find their strength renewed. They will rise on wings like eagles; they will run and not get weary; they will walk and not grow weak.

Live Coverage of the Israeli Palestinian war

...continues as we go on to give you updates.

The time is 9.00am and all the soldiers are fresh. The Palestinians look particularly relaxed and are laughing out loud at blonde jokes. They are particularly taken up by the shock 1-0 win of Derby over Manchester United.

The Israeli army though looking strong, seem a bit uncertain and unnerved by the whole scenario.

Their Commander in Chief is still with his generals considering how to deal with the threat posed by the Palestinians. As we all know, this is Nevender, live in Socoh east of Bethlehem. It is forty days since Goli Ath, the Palestinian Commander made his challenge to the Israeli's but up to now, there has been no response.

(Aside...receiving a call) What? Wha... hold on! This just in: a David of Jesse, 17 years old has taken on the challenge of Goli Ath. Live pictures are coming to you in a moment...and there he is! Dressed up in the brass armour that we all know belongs to the Commander in Chief.

We are still trying to ascertain more details..but wait..the boy, David is returning to the Commander's tent. Must be to receive last minute instructions on the battle ahead. However, we are all in shock, in utter disbelief at the turn of events. Why hasn't the Commander in Chief himself gone to fight? No one can tell. Yes the Palestinian champion Goli Ath is several sizes bigger than Saul, but he is the Commander in Chief! He should risk his own life, not some little kid's..!!?

This is sad. It is surely going to be a sad day for Israel. Stay with us as we continue coverage...

Back on the scene.
Goli Ath has just received the news and is laughing uncontrollably; he leads the entire Palestinian army into a bout of laughter as he shows off his huge armour. Saul's armour will not stand against this, especially with a boy putting it on.

And here we see David! Gosh! Cannot believe my eyes; David has emerged from the tent. However, he has done so without Saul's armour. Does he think this is some adolescent joke? Well, no one's laughing, not even him. All he carries is his staff, a sling and leather bag.

He is scouring for pebbles as he moves towards the giant. Something is wrong with this picture...I hope he doesn't want to engage the soldier from Gath in a game of duulu*. Well he continues, putting some in the bag, dropping others.

From my counting, he has put five smooth pebbles in the bag and now approaches Goli Ath. The two are now facing each other although several meters from each other. Goli Ath seems to be saying something to the boy...wait, we have it...
"Am I a dog that you come to me with sticks? Come to me, and I will give your flesh to the birds of the air and to the beasts of the field."

If I were David, I would plead for mercy now...yet he says something back:

"You come to me with a sword and with a spear and with a javelin. But I come to you in the name of Jehovah of Hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied. Jehovah will deliver you into my hand today, and I will strike you and take your head from you and give the bodies of the army of the Philistines to the birds of the air today, and to the wild beasts of the earth, so that all the earth may know that there is a God in Israel. And all this multitude shall know that Jehovah does not save with sword and spear; for the battle is Jehovah's, and He will give you into our hands. "

This boy David has oversized courage.

As Goli Ath readies his spear, David runs towards him, removing a pebble from his bag and putting it in his sling then hurling it at the giant.

..........[speechless]...............
Viewers, this is unbelievable.

[softly]The giant has been hit between the eyes by the pebble which David threw and has stopped moving....

Oh my God...he is falling, he has fallen! David is running quickly to him...He retrieves the giant's spear....he is aiming for the neck......[signal lost]

THIS BROADCAST HAS BEEN DEEMED UNSAFE FOR MINORS.

Today's verse: Kiss the Son, lest He be angry, and you perish from the way, when His wrath is kindled in but a little time. Blessed are all who put their trust in Him.Psalm 2:12

The Picture

This is a piece about a girl.
~
I watch closely as she skips from one end of the compound to another. Like a light bulb, her smile is ever switched on. When she has no one to talk to- she simply sits on the verandah, knocks her knees and places her right elbow on her right thigh.

However, like a piece of lost treasure, the nearest person jumps for her attention and she never turns a friendly face away. She is like an angel, petite and joyful.

I try to put my head down in an attempt to sleep, but her picture on the side of my bed keeps my mind alert and stern. Her eyes stare back at mine, like brown pearls swimming in a pool of milk.

I attempt once more to close my eyes, but my closed eyelids spring once more to life, to catch another glimpse of her smile, like an arch of stars in the dawn of the morning.

This time I dare not to fight it. I muse at the smoothness of her skin, velvet in light brown.

Her stance is elegant and steady like a doe in the green serenity of a forest. her feet are small and shapely, in shoes that liken her to a princess.

The red flowers in the background fade out, as her beauty overwhelms my senses. The hanging lamps behind her look like lanterns in comparison to her pose. She is the highlight of the painting; the picture in the picture.

My heart beats a bit faster as I look at the picture again. Her earrings like little pearls on a bronze arch maker her glow brighter than before.

She calls for remembrance each time I look away but I have to remind myself that tomorrow yet comes my way.

So I look at the picture one last time tonight; prepare to say a prayer and then rest my enchanted head down.
***

Word for the day:

Blessed is the man
who walks not in the counsel of the wicked,
nor stands in the way of sinners,
nor sits in the seat of scoffers;
but his delight is in the law of the LORD,
and on his law he meditates day and night.
He is like a tree
planted by streams of water,
that yields its fruit in its season,
and its leaf does not wither.
In all that he does, he prospers.
Psalm 1:1-3

Be blessed.

Happy New Year bloggers...

I thought TRP was joking when she talked about Llamas in the city but boy was she right! Every time I hit the street there is a llama spewing spittle. I guess with the men I can cut some slack but I was most amazed when I met a female llama! Gwe you guys I felt like puking...a female llama!!! Pity on the dudes.

Then I was on my way home from work yesterday and met a cool site. Two belles buying maize. Immediately my mind raced to SKing . Remember that time he didn't want to be seen buying maize by a belle but was later shocked by the same belle when she bought the maize?

Things remind me of bloggers.

Sometimes it is just seeing them, like Lulu on the tele looking gooood!! Then sometimes it's listening to a show like Pablo and Ben in the morning talking about nkuba kyeyos who are reluctant to go back to kuba kyeyo , when I remember the likes of Miss Cheri and Emi still missing out on the warm sunshine of Uganda.

Whenever I think of software solution, one name rings clear Solomon King .

Inspiration from so many: Walkonby , Master's Apprentice etc etc

I can walk on more and talk some more about bloggers (upto now the word blogger is unrecognised, mbu it should be web loggers) naye I would not finish. So here goes---

RogueKing
Lucy
EBaz
Tandra
B2B
Kizito
Antipop
Carlo
Princess
Chanel5
TRP
The Intelligensia
Yvonne
Emi
Tumwi
Sybella
Mudamuli
Ivan
Jaycee
UgGal
Petesmama
A Kintu
Elle B
Madandcrazy
Miss Cheri
Igiss
Eddsla
Jasmine
Minty
KigandaSkunk
Feather

and all you wonderful people at Blogspirit.
I loved reading your blogs last year. Hope you will be good and do some more great writing. Officially opening my blogging year today, so HAPPY NEW YEAR!! Hehehe.

***

The darkness is calling....I don't want to look for the light...

Call it Two Face, Face Off...watever.

Woe unto my soul.

The waves in my heart are impossible
The fires in my mind are intolerable;
Can't get a few days of relief from this darkness
Till I'm again enveloped in the perpetual sadness.

I wonder what is wrong with him,
Gilded on the outside yet rotten within:
Masks of smiles and glowing eyes
Concealing the wails,the sobs, the sighs.

Oh woe unto my poor soul.

Can this test come to an end
For I am in despair, and my heart may rend;
Cycling forever on a round path
I seek to touch heaven, but I'm stuck on brown earth.

The man is weak,
His lips have forgotten they can speak;
A prisoner of his own mind,
His thoughts are the shackles that bind.

Oh woe unto my helpless soul.
~~~

Starting today I am bringing my psychological battle to the blog. Heard of Sasha Fierce, Bruce Wayne, Peter Parker, Clark Kent? Or better Mr Jekyll, Mr Hide? Well, my battles with myself must come to an end this year.

Mr Solomon King, I do not want to copy your 2 weak dude thing but I need to do something like that of my own. Coz, honestly there are two dudes in me and I wish one would just fade away...like that.. in a twinkling of an eye yet wapi! That is for fairy tales.

This is Nevender as in Joel as in Ntwatwa as in Benjamin. Occasionally I may not be the one writing here because well, I would simply have taken the Jekyll portion and turned bad. I (screams....wicked laughter...)...I, I ....noooooo.....

Hahaha...silly boy. I have a question for you guys..ever been on the edge and want to fall over? Yes,to the other side;where the grass is greener, the barbecue is ready, the hot chicks, and you are the most suave gentleman of the evening.

Gentleness, humility? What if I would not like to talk to you? Or what if I want to call you a [screened out].....shit...stupid boy....

...(Gasp) You see what I mean? I am disconcerted...waves of darkness....

I am just not myself...and at the beginning of the year. How that sucks....