Saying Goodbye for Good.

She never took her eyes off him the entire time the vows were being made. Her big round eyes. She stared deep into his eyes, ultimately showing certainty of what she was doing.

There are things in life which when they happen, momentarily challenge your sanity. July meant my time was up and that all hope was lost and that if I had any hope, I better relinquish it.

There's something about an ex getting married that touches you at the base. You may even be friends with her, not beefing with her but the fact that she is getting married rubs you the wrong way.

I will be honest. I had mixed emotions. On the one part I was happy for her, why? God had totally transformed her. I remember back when we were at Bible Study together and she used to say she never wanted to get married. I must admit I hoped that sort of thinking did not persist [for my own sake of course]. So seeing her make those vows to that man to me was God.

On the other hand, I was angry, selfish, dejected. I felt cheated, I felt like I had watered the plant and pruned it well only for someone else to eat the fruit. I know- I was being vain, there are the sowers and reapers and both must rejoice. However in my heart I was like it was 3 years of Nevonic presence in her life that brought about that change snd what were my gains?

I know- this is selfish but let me get it off my chest. I invited her to Church...the place she would grow and even find a husband and when I left she got angry. I felt I deserved more but heck life is not fair.

I approached to take the gift [in Church], and when she saw me she said " My God you made it!!". Yes, at one time we were inseparable and if she had invited me there would be no doubt I would be there. However, we grow up, we get exposed to Politics. Politics; she invited me, hoping I would make it but knowing I had an ego and may avoid it. However, she was my friend first. I owed her that. Therefore, I showed up; her acknowledging it made the Church feel a little warmer somehow.

I watched as she gave herself away, as she officially became his. As all prayer requests tumbled and broke, all hope was lost etc. . . Well not really. She was gone before she was married. I knew it was over at one point. However there's that thing about a girl you love well, when she goes, she never really goes. So now maybe the curtains are closed and I can focus on my hiking and adventuring business.

This is it. Freedom.

I ask myself at this point: LORD, did I learn the lesson you were teaching me all this while?

nowplaying : This is your life [Switchfoot]

Yesterday is a wrinkle on your forehead, yesterday is a promise that you've broken; Don't close your eyes this is your life, and today is all you got now, and today is all you'll ever have....

Forward we move [Kwame Nkrumah]