Life in October.

Ten.

See it's October, ten months of a twelve month year gone. I did look up the meaning of ten on a numerology site and according to them, ten speaks of these:

"Leadership, confidence, optimism, energy, independence, creative power and every, success, original, adaptable, individualisation, determination."

Now, for a moment I thought I should stop and make meaning of these things but I continued to read and they began to talk about October;

"October is an ‘action’ month, so make the most of this time.  By month’s end you will find yourself in a much stronger position on a physical, mental and spiritual level."

Okay, so I guess I should have stopped to think about that too but then I just stopped reading. October is much more than a number with magical properties to me. Do not get me wrong, I find nothing oddly special about this month just sharing a few things that have come to me as this month gets going.

1. Breaking Up

For some reason, I had hope. I thought that a time would come and things would go back to normal, and the slate would be clean; and my sins would be white as snow. Unfortunately, the more I hoped, the more things turned sour.

Apologies mean nothing to a woman scorned. Even if you accidentally tipped the glass and it broke. See, (this is where the nostalgia kicks in) she was the first. Her love was like a crown of beautiful gems on my head. Her love was full, untainted (or was it?). I keep telling myself, I should have done better, I should have kept my honesty to myself, my hopes for a uniform mind off to a later time in the future but I hurried.

I tried to make the plant grow faster than it was meant to, and I lost it. She never was the same.

See, it has been almost two months since the break up and only recently, in fact, this week, did it completely sink in that this was truly over. There was no coming back. Much as I wanted reconciliation, it takes two to tango. So, indeed, I guess October is about letting go and looking to new things.

2. Fighting Demons

Old habits die hard they say and I do believe that was not an overstatement. This year was about kicking out old habits. Fine, it was not ABOUT that but it was part of the vision. However, one thing I have or should be learning is that passive action is no action. If I want to manage my money better, I need to actually start doing things that people who manage their money better do. So, again, at loss , perhaps realising all my demons have the same power, I should use this month as an opportunity to be pro-active and be on the offensive.

3. Going with the flow

I find myself a fairly odd person. I am not good socially. However, I think when someone gets to know me, I become in my own sight, fairly normal. I've always had a problem going with the flow, doing what everyone is doing, buying the clothes everyone is buying! Thank God I was born a guy 'cause if I were born a woman, tisk, I would get  more depressed than I do being a guy. I do like my space too, so sometimes I keep people away. There's nothing about October that seems will change this, I am at a place where sometimes you just don care.

4. Leaving institutions

I left the insitutional church; a small problem though - Where will I get married? Lol.

Guys, have a great October. Celebrate the 50th independence with some style this time and yes I intend to write again. I will make time for it.

Cheers.