I just want to write. Simply write. Open the laptop, go to Word, and write. Get my notebook out and pen and just write. It's been ages since I wrote. I do not mean writing a simple verse or a short story once in 8 months, I mean write with my heart; pour out my thoughts like a libation. I just want to write.
Back then, I did. I wrote. Every morning, every evening, every night. Like a salah. More because back then "mon joug est dur et mon fardeau était lourd." My yoke was was hard, my burden was heavy. I needed to lay it down. I did not know how else to apart from write. I wrote because I did not talk much. Not to family, not to friends. Even when I talked to Him, I felt a burning in my heart and I still needed to write.
Is the burden lighter now? No. I am older, it gets heavier by the day but then the older I get, the less time I think I have to write. The more I chase things that I hope will be enough substitute for writing. And yes, these things are the normal things to do. Go out more often, meet new people. Enroll in a class, know how to do business. Join prayer class, learn how to pray. Join discipleship class, grow in the Lord.
Things to do. Writing not one of them.
Writing made me think. This was the one thing that would make me observe things around me. The lady in the park with the baby who would ask for help every evening at around 8. The old mzungu who would sit at the Cafe with the cigarette and the newspaper and a cup of coffee. The look of longing in my mother's eyes. These were untold stories. Not the ones meant for Nambi's show or CNN, but the ones that my pen needed to tell.
Not only would it get me thinking, it would change me. Once I got entangled within the lives of these people I asked questions; the why's, who's, how's and more. Perhaps I needed to have more conversation with my mother about simple things like getting a girlfriend. Maybe I needed to throw stones at the mirror before throwing them at anyone else?
I need to write. Wanting won't do. I need to start and let the river flow. I need to not be scared to write for lack of relevance. I need to write. I want to write. I must write or the waters that stir my soul shall calm down and stagnate the pools created in me. I shall write lest my being is set aflame with fires unhindered.
I wrote today, I hope I will write tomorrow.