Just make up your mind

I tire of this formless light
This enduring blight, this deceitful mirage.
You could be the silver orb in my ebony night
But you'd rather be a flickering firefly
Ever fluttering out of sight.

You could be the way I spell forever
The only way for me to tell the time.
But you've become a callous pendulum
Never standing still,
Always going away, always coming back.

Yet I'm not asking you to give up your life
To forfeit your dreams to become an Ethiopian wife.
I am just saying that haven't you really noticed how
You beautifully blossom when
You are with I?

Social Media Love

See I saw you on Instagram
And I instantly hearted you,
Met you on Facebook and took a second
To like you
Soon as I joined Twitter couldn't wait
To mention you ,
Retweet you
And favourite you, if not
To DM you,
Get your number
And finally Whatsapp you.
Now that we're past all that,
Can I take you out sometime?

image: lovesocialmedia.com

She became poetry

She's right there
Next to me in her golden brown skin
Embellished by her gorgeous blue dress;
Head scarf wrapped just right
Like an African girl in a painting.

She's right there!
But I can't move.
I'm planted in my seat like an immovable
Bronze statue;
Listening to her accented voice paint the air
With silky tones so smooth I thought I could try to touch,
But with only enough strength to say
Wow...albeit in hushed tones.

I want to tap her shoulder and say
"Habari"
But I don't speak Swahili well
And even if I did
I'm too dumbfounded too say anything worth its weight in sanity.

I'm struck stuck.
My words are arranged like an unsolved Rubik cube;
I cannot fix them well enough quick enough to strike up a conversation.

She moves like a lioness
Controlled , gentle but steady;
Barefoot, one with the earth
Her blue dress kissing the ground around her as she moves.
God knows if I had a kingdom I might have given her half.

And when she smiles (Oh you should but see)
The air becomes rosemary,
The lights glow warmer
Gravity gives up a little
And the heart sinks in invisible velvet!
What a girl this is!

And she's right there;
The most colourful flower in the room,
I'm inches away from forty years ahead 
But I'm stuck in my grey area
Riveted by fear and propriety.
Because I can't find the right words,
The lovely girl wanes into a piece of poetry
Light years from possibility and reality.

Death

Death

How many have written sour words
Who have tasted the bitter bile
You left on their tongues when
You removed the honey of life
The cadence of the living
And left them with but mere shadows
And fading whispers.

A roaring silence weighed upon my soul
Words were too mere and fickle
Deep breaths are all I could muster
In the mist of the news.

Clocks had stopped ticking,
The cursors had stopped blinking.
I was suddenly hollow;
I saw my frame for what it was-
A bottomless pit of nothingness
I'd tried to fill up all my life
With things and experiences.

And now the paint removed
Suddenly, salt had no taste,
Sugar, what a waste!
The colours of life faded into a dark grey
The round edges now jagged and stray.

Death
The things you have spoken to me
Only one can fill
Or I remain empty still
"I need Thee every hour,
Most gracious Lord,
Every hour I need Thee".

Tithe : The increase of Christ

I recently read a book called Richest Man in Babylon. It was interesting to find a tenth of income talked about in the ancient land of Babylon.

For the longest time I'd imagined the tithe was instituted by God but reading this I realised it started with man in a sort of "Save for or save  yourself" scenario especially regards finances.

It was advised that for financial vision , one needed to save one tenth of his income which he would use later for investment.

It was all about prudence , or let me call it a financial salvation plan. Die today, live tomorrow. Today I wondered why God would take this as a shadow of His Son and then I saw it.

The same way God asked Abraham for His Son is the same way the tithe became a picture too.

The tenth was man's wisdom but now God asked it to die at the altar. He would demand tithe but I think more than showing confidence it spoke of the increase of Christ. How?

A seed doesn't produce until it dies. For increase, death was needed. In the case of tithe, a continual saving was meant to guarantee a later investment and gain. Tithe sown over and over increase over again, multiplying the saving, so that the safety and wealth of the person was great.

Christ however is sown once but forever he keeps revealing to us himself : the length, breadth, height, depth etc of him who is love. The greatness of our salvation in one saving. One tenth. To redeem the entire purse. One for all.

In this case, we never tithed, for our tithe was filthy rags, for we were like leaves, here today, gone tomorrow but when God saved his tenth , the eternal God redeemed us all.

What a beautiful realisation. The tithe a picture of God's eternal purpose to redeem to Himself His whole purse through one beloved tithe.

And now his purpose fulfilled, surely can I relegate my tithe to a financial magic box to solve my purse issues?

No, I praise God that the shadow became substance: Jesus lives. I no longer, for He is the whole purse redeemed to God, only when He appears do I appear.

Image: https://ladyamcal.wordpress.com/tag/19th-century-bags/

Hard to say goodbye.

http://www.ldparker.me/

"You feel like a stranger."
The first thing she said to me when we were finally alone. After the masks had gone off, when she could finally tell me the truth in confidence; the first thing she told me was that I felt like a stranger.

And she wasn't lying. We'd become strangers. It had been almost six months since we last spoke in person. And now when finally we had time and space; we no longer had time neither did we have space. She was leaving. She was going away for a year. And she was leaving in three days.

At the time, it hadn't sunk in yet. Here she was; looking rugged and sporty yet through my lenses all I could see was beauty. The same beauty I'd seen the first time I had laid eyes on her. She had a magnetic look in her eyes. Magnetic yet gentle. I looked away but looked again. I was standing outside the church building, she was in a crowd. It was the first time I saw her, but I believe I had seen her before.

Here she was; the same ageless flower I'd fallen for.

"You chucked me". She continued to speak.

I was quick to respond: " I don't chuck people. So if I didn't, then perhaps you're the one who chucked me." A short silence ensued as we reached the gate to her home. I always wondered about her silence. What did she mean? Concession? Abandon?

I realised she was right. This felt awkward. As we broke the silence with small talk about work, computers and her packing, I felt like I was chatting up a stranger. I couldn't look her straight in the eye. My arms were crossed one moment and the next in my pocket. I was anxious, nervous.

It wasn't until the small talk ended that we could speak like we had before. I asked when she knew she was going, and when she was going. When she said she'd known for a while, I asked her why she hadn't told me. She said she had written a mental note to tell me. I heaved.

I heaved because I knew she might have never told me. It was a friend that had told me. I realised we had grown so far apart. So far apart.

However, some miracle brought us to chat about  closer-to-the-heart issues. I don't what it was. Some voice in the heart ? I don't know. When we began chatting, from the heart, I saw her open up like a butterfly. I saw her, the old gem I had always treasured. In a moment, we were in a time portal to the past; the long walks and deep conversations, the writing challenges and the endless texts...

In that blink in eternity, I was no longer a stranger. I could see it in her eyes and her smile.

And then the goodbye. It was almost eleven pm. I wanted to stay longer. I wanted to talk more. I wanted to confess things to her, but it was late. Time had passed me by.

"I guess this is goodbye." She said.

I tried my best to be a man and be strong.

I hugged her (not long enough as I regret now) and said goodbye. I wished her the best and walked off into the night, back home.

There was no power. I sat down, lantern on the table, thinking through the events of the night: The party to send her off; the conversation with her, the hug she gave me when she had walked in and hugged me, the last hug I gave her. And now in this dim light, I realised I needed her a lot more than I had ever admitted.

I do not know what it was about her but I needed her in my life. And now after six months, I wanted to see her, hold her, walk with her, talk to her. But I couldn't get that chance. She was leaving in three days.

I was struck with a feeling of loss. A feeling of regret. A feeling of pain. A stream of questions flowed through my mind. None I could answer. Her impending departure began to sink in.

I tried to cover up this feeling but as the immense cadence of my heart revealed - this feeling had never left. And here I am, heart in my throat, tears at the precipice of my eyes as I realise I might not see her again.

I wasn't ready for this. I hadn't prepared for this. So every time I think of you, I shiver, because I am not too good with goodbyes to people I truly love.