Death Be not Proud

Sometimes, news hits you with such a grandiose haymaker that many times you lose balance and cannot throw anything back. Sad news knows how to bring stillness while at the same time cause such turmoil.

Death is the ultimate sad news. Nothing can beat it. Forget about the small 200 million shilling debt you may be having, or perhaps that retake or that accident which damaged your car. Forget about your lack of supper or fuel, death surpasses all these.

This year has been one of those that are just well, trying, to say the least.

At the beginning of the year, I received a text from a friend. "My dad has died.".

Angst! Fury! Carnage! Such a grave statement made even more grave by just the four words and a full stop. I find it hard to explain why that statement made me solemnly sad but it was just the pure admission and perhaps resignation in it that gave my heart pangs.

Some months down the road, another text. Meanwhile, they are always texts. "My dad has died.". Again. The same words. And this time it was my cousin. I did not know how to react. I knew I had to go home and see my aunt and cousins but damn, now? I keep wondering why the same words?

Another few months down the road, we are celebrating new birth. Two new boys, twins in fact. The spirits are high. And then, first day, "Kato abuuse." (Kato has died). Darn. Insert an angry word. However, the life of Wasswa is consolation.

Sunday night,we are watching the news and a call comes in, mom picks it and goes to her bedroom. Moments later she comes with deep distress announcing "Wasswa naye abuuse!". Both twins, gone. 7 months all gone up like smoke. The beautiful boys gone. I had not even yet laid an eyes on either.

Pause.

"Kasita nze ndi mulamu." Was the consolation she gave us her younger brothers. "At least I am still alive." Heave.

Another friend lost her mum, and there I was looking awkward trying to make her feel better. Darn.

Just this week, I read about Leland Shores. He died too, pneumonia. Such a man of God, who had lived diligently for the sake of the gospel. I saw him one time at the Food Court at Garden City and wanted to go over and ask him to pray for me, since I had my issues. But I was with a friend, and he was having lunch with friends so I decided not to bother him. Leland shores was in charge of Andrew Wommack ministries in Uganda. I had also seen him last year at the Gospel Truth Seminar at Serena.

Now today in the morning, my mom tells me Bishop John Michael Mugerwa died with colleagues in an accident in Kakira, that after 30 minutes, they were still cutting out the remains of the deceased.

Pause.

Sometimes I do not get it.

All I can say is, may He comfort our hearts, the God of all comfort. I know, not one of us has not experienced this, so my thoughts are with us all.

Death, be not proud, though some have called thee
Mighty and dreadful, for thou are not so;
For those whom thou think'st thou dost overthrow
Die not, poor Death, nor yet canst thou kill me.
From rest and sleep, which but thy pictures be,
Much pleasure; then from thee much more must flow,
And soonest our best men with thee do go,
Rest of their bones, and soul's delivery.
Thou'art slave to fate, chance, kings, and desperate men,
And dost with poison, war, and sickness dwell,
And poppy'or charms can make us sleep as well
And better than thy stroke; why swell'st thou then?
One short sleep past, we wake eternally,
And death shall be no more; Death, thou shalt die.

Isaiah 25:8

He will swallow up death forever,
      And the Lord GOD will wipe away tears from all faces;
      The rebuke of His people
      He will take away from all the earth;
      For the LORD has spoken.

Another time, another place

Before I start this tale, a small reminder:

So, I went to Church on Sunday. I decided to go for the 10am service. I could have gone for the 5pm service on Saturday, but what with chasing fate!See, I have a dream and that dream could only become visual on Sunday at 10am.

I mentioned to you previously how I should at least have got her name. Unfortunately for a weak guy like me, I did not and had to spend the ensuing week ruing a missed chance. However, not to be outdone, a lot of options were presented to me. Some advised I give a testimony in Church so she could see me, others said I should become an usher but what I decided on was to go to the same seat and see if she would do the same.

Unfortunately for me, the best time to do it should have been a week after but the week after I was occupied in Malaba. So this was a really tough call but hey, better to take it than keep on ruing. So I went to Church last Sunday aiming for the same seat, hoping she would do the same.

Unfortunately for a second time, I this time arrived late; a few minutes after 10am. I still went to the same place hoping, just, maybe she is there. And I walked mindful of the faces above and below, my eyes simulated the form and face I was expecting to see, but unfortunately for the third time, she was not there.

Assumptions processed in my mind :She did not see me last week, so she gave up.She was late too.Dude, stop dreaming.

Ah, all for not asking a name, perhaps maybe a number as well. Good news is, I am over it somehow. Maybe another time, another place, I will ask her name and maybe get her number soon enough.

So, fare thee well, fair lady, till another day in paradise, maybe you will come in a fairer form and I will be a bolder man.

"If only I had asked her name."

"If only I had asked her name."

I keep telling myself, two days after I saw her. She was the prettiest sight lately, the most dove eyed beauty to pass my way in a

long time. She, graceful and stately, stood beside me the whole time, and I wish, keep wishing;

"If only I had asked her name."

Her eyes never danced at all, they were steady.When she looked at me, she would stare deep and not try to rush away. Her smile was

a wine brew, glaring in the light. She was such a beautiful woman,

"If only I had asked her name."

The Pastor asked us to join hands across the pew, and give thanks for all God's blessings.Our hands intertwined, she pressed gently

onto mine. My goodness, I felt a tingle, fire warming my veins!And now I am ruing,

"If only I had asked her name."

The rain was falling, I was last at the door.The wind was blowing, I had no sweater on. Yet each time I looked, at the placid joy

in her eyes, my body was revived, and it was cold no more.

"If only I had asked her name."

She was gentle, she was beautiful, she was most of those things men dream of . As they asked us to pray, I muttered,

"Father I receive a wife."

And now I am thinking, constantly deliberating, planning to become an usher so that I may see her again. Maybe I should try the

same seat, same service and hope she does so too. I need to find that woman, coz I think she'll be my wife.

Manoeuvre

Note: when you mouse over the scriptures they will pop up. :-)

"Ran out of places I can run...". 4th Avenue Jones finishes that line by saying "...God take me away..." in their song Take Me Away. I do not have the ignorance to ask for such a thing anymore. The escapism and individualism that some of the monks had. Placed in a world full of dirt and slime, one would think tis better to run away or get away so as not to be tainted. Unfortunately, that luxury does not exist. Not even Jesus Christ took it. The only time He did that was the 40 days He fasted and more so the prayers He would have, away from the crowds.

Point taken:- You cannot get away from the world physically. You can get away from the world Spiritually. How? Through prayer and fasting.

 Back to this world. It is such a distress that it seems slime and dirt follow me everywhere I go. The very things I am avoiding are the very things availing themselves.

Scenario: I am trying my best to keep my eyes away from indecency. Trying to avoid those women who were deceived that the more flesh they show, the more likeable they are. To an extent there is some truth; the flesh will demand of the flesh. The eyes will want to see more "skin". So, in the flesh, the more skin the better, the more skin the more "beautiful" or "likeable" or as the world commonly puts it "sexy"/"desirable".

What is worse is that sometimes it is not even the women exposing their skin. It is the men. In my line of work, I look for a lot of resources in terms of graphics, that is, vectors, pictures, brushes. In this line of work, the women may not neccessarily choose indecency however, due to the "gift" of drawing and animating some men have, they will create their women, with barely enough clothing or none. Sometimes I cannot avoid stumbling onto these.

I hate it when I am watching a program or a match and then the ads come on. Now I like ads, some are really nice. However, I wonder why a woman is always involved. And most times she prolly has no clothes on, even when the advert is about jeans!

I know, you're going to say I have a weak or dirty mind. If that is the case, then I am attempting to detoxify. It is hard, I must say. So hard that my advice to the pure of mind is for them to make up their minds never to get dirty. lol.

Point is, how do I manoeuvre these things? They are all over the place! In the papers. On the radio. In the TV. On the internet. Everywhere. Does that mean I am a slave to these "chancings" of decadence? No. I am accountable. To God, the Father, the Son, the Holy Spirit. I must mind what I hear, see, read, think.

Christ began with a fast, however, we see Him at 12 years of age having already been a student of the word. We see Him treasure prayer so much he even rebuked His disciples once by saying "What, could ye not watch with me one hour?" See more Matthew 26:40-44.

Gosh, this calls for repentance!

Bottom line is, I believe I must once again, target my heart through my mind and also strengthen my spirit. At the end of the day, when it pops up, I can simply turn away, and not follow the link. And not buy the paper, and not turn up the volume, and not rewind the scene.

See John 6:63. See Romans 12:2

Be blessed.

Run out of places I can run.

Prada Body Bags and Heart to Hearts

I was greatly privileged last Saturday morning with the honour of spending almost an entire day with a lady of amazing depth and soul. The privilege was threatened by the morning drizzle and cool temperatures but the two of us insisted that this meeting must go ahead. We were not to meet in a building, however, we were to take a walk and enjoy one of the higher heights of the city.

It amazes me how unique people can be but at the same time, how similar we all are. One of the things that unites us as people is the heart. It is interesting to note that when referring to a central and important part of anything, the word heart is used.

Heart is core.

During the time I spent with this gem of a woman, I discovered a great deal about the heart: the heart having a mind of its own separate from the brain. It is queer since I have already heard of statements like "Follow your heart, not your head". It seems that the heart disagrees with the brain on many things and the few times when the two agree, it is bliss!

In the decision making process, the war between the two can be easily seen. A man who wants to cut weight should take the necessary steps; gym, diet, etc. However, why is that hard to do? The aspect of appetite comes in. Whereas the ideal thing is fore-go another plate of rice,chicken,matooke and peas, something else appeals to the taste buds and the stomach and a problem arises.

When offered a job that earns you three times your former salary, the decision to take it should be easy, only if you did not have to cross two oceans away from your loved ones and entire history.

The heart and mind disagree on major things.

The heart is a core of the human, affecting every decision he makes. When a heart is raw, unused, tender and pliable, it is capable of everything and anything that it is taught. Proverbs 22:6 highlights that whatever is taught a pliable heart will make the final mould.

At the end of the day, will the heart resemble a statue or remain beating with life. If you read "Don't Let it Get Hard" you will know what I mean.

The heart to heart with this woman opened my "heart", if I can say that. The two hearts connected on key levels and revealed things that may have been there but ignored or forgotten. The problem with the human heart is that it is dark and twisted. Jeremiah 17:9. The propensity of evil that a human heart has is unimaginable and only needs "activating" with the right head knowledge.

A child can easily turn terrorist because of the things his heart is being fed. At the same time, a child can become the very opposite, depending on how their heart is being moulded. Note this: information moulds the heart. Information changes the mind of the heart or approves what is already there.

Lately, people's hearts are hard. Everyone is becoming more insensitive and "open minded". What was strange to the heart is now commonplace. Information is changing our hearts.

At the core, we want what is bad for us. And go out of our way to even fight for it. We become broke because of it, lose sleep to it, fall sick by it, lose our very lives because of the bad. Our hearts wicked already become more wicked.

Thankfully, Ezekiel 36:26 provides a solution. Transplants are possible.

You can exchange your old heart for a new one. With freshness, purity, goodness. This heart can be maintained with a proper mind system. Right thinking!

When the writer in Romans 12 verse 2 writes "And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what [is] that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. " He shows us that you prove the will of God placed in your new heart by renewing your mind. What I am saying is, your new heart has all the files, updates, patches, fixes, needed. Your mind is now the only thing that needs convincing.

How does the renewing occur? Do not conform to the world. Conform to the Word. Many focus so much on the external, you would think they were going to eternity with it. Prada is just a body bag, Ray Ban suglasses your double eye patch, Revlon- the spice that removes the stench of the rotting corpse, Dolce Vita the anesthetic on the thorn filled path to destruction. "Whoredom and wine and new wine take away the heart. " Hosea 4:11

So much focus on the external blinds us to the reality of eternity, the reality of righteousness, the reality of God. Jesus notes "Take heed and beware of covetousness, for one’s life does not consist in the abundance of the things he possesses" Luke 12: 15.

Mind the heart. For out of it flow the issues of life. Proverbs 4:23

Having heard such a hearty exchange with the lovely lady, I am convinced, if half of the hearts in the world were in the right place, half of the vices would not exist. So, what are you feeding your heart? Is it the old dead one or the new one? Are you priding yourself in dead things, or awakening to the living?

I am pondering on these words of Jude

"¹² These are spots in your love feasts, while they feast with you without fear, serving only themselves. They are clouds without water, carried about^[c] by the winds; late autumn trees without fruit, twice dead, pulled up by the roots; ¹³ raging waves of the sea, foaming up their own shame; wandering stars for whom is reserved the blackness of darkness forever. " Jude 1:12-13.

I do not want to be twice dead. Period. I am going to mind my heart. It would be well you too, do.

Further study:
Hosea 4. Romans 1. Romans 12. Titus. Jude.

Enjoy.

chaos

When did I ever wake up this early? I cannot remember. I wonder why I am up and I am conviced it is because of work. However, deep somewhere down in my heart I know that is not the reason. I have poundings in my heart. Painful pangs of chaos. ...

My current state of "repairs".

So, this is an attempt to prevent any unwanted usage as a mat of a transformer, according to Angela Kintu. I hope I beat the 235 minute deadline. :)

I am attempting to write this post the fastest way I can but the distractions are immense. I have an appointment in less than half an hour, and I need to have some samples designed before that time. I am also interviewing a great designer for an upcoming article, not to mention I may have to chip in tea.

I was not told that an office job is crazier than freelancing. Deadlines, multitasking, attention to detail on a much greater level. I am happy I am employed, it is a testimony that God hears and does answer in His perfect timing. Do not quit believing.

I am not about to get married. However, many of my friends are.

[an hour later, I am still working on this post].

I like my space sometimes. Problem is, on the days I want it most, there are many that would want my attention. That is not a bad thing. It helps one avoid pitfalls sometimes, for example, depression. However, when my space is for issues of relating with God, I am sorry I may not give my space away. I still have some exceptions on that case....mostly fair ones. ;)

I love fried stuff, nonetheless, I am not fat. I tried to get fat, and concluded that is not my gift. Maybe I did not really try. A workmate asked one time why "geeks" or computer people are small and I am no longer amused by the question. Nor by the one that suggests that IT people, take longer to marry because there is initially a conflict of interest. Women and IT, sadly have not yet mixed.

I miss writing. Writing poetry, writing pietry, writing prose... I miss it. I have sort of moved away from my heart and moved outside to things like gaming. What should I do? And to think I had wanted to win a Laureate award back in the day. Hmmm...

I am nobody important, you would not know me, except of course if for some reason you've seen my name randomly in a Newspaper or on a wall in graffiti on some road in the UK. I am shy. Please talk to me first, it's not that I am proud, I just have failed to say the first word.

I heard a funny word yesterday- xyctosis, I do not think it is even a word, it is just a sound. A funny sound. I was being cautioned on not wasting my xyctosis on the wrong thing. That I must wait for the right thing to come along. Thing in which case could range from living things to non living things.

I went visiting on Tuesday at a hostel and felt lost. Growing up really gives you perspective. The things people at hostels [read Campus] value are such diminutive in comparison to the things they will value when off campus. Sometimes however, a season will not affect value, rather a person's character and sadly fewer and fewer people, especially the youth, have values.

Okay, I can say I am done with this randomness. Coz, frankly, I need to go make money for this company but I must say this was fun. :) Will try it again some time.

I did not even talk about repairs... ugh! But, next time.

England Looting and God

If you look at this article and this and also this, and even this you will realise that many people in England have lost faith.

The fact that there is looting by the youth as young as 12 or even younger indicates that there is a generally growing trend of secularism. Given that the items looted are mainly electronics like laptops and phones, not to mention designer clothes, it would seem the rioters are satisfying a need to be as materialistic as their richer friends.

There is no contentment, there is lack of restraint, frustration, no conscience at all. Why? God has been forgotten. Right and wrong thrown to the dogs. One wonders why the same people impose rules on other states who are still seeking the direction of God.

If a leadership abandons God, the people being led follow suit. When the economy takes precedence in a man's affairs, his conscience surely departs.

I could have said more, but my opinion is, these riots show us that England has stopped teaching her children the values, ethics, morals that come from the knowledge of Our Maker.

There is a lack of godliness in England. How sad yet it was England that brought the knowledge of God to this country.

Alas.

Proverbs 14:34.

She wants a Chef

When a man is looking to marry, there are certain things that never fail to appear on his "list of thing a good wife must have/know how to do". Here is a peak, and by the way, please do not go off saying this is some sexist gender biased post, it is not.

1. Great body
2. Well mannered
   
3. Educated mind
4. Amazing culinary skills
5. Better laundry skills
6. Good at handling money
7. God fearing
8. Good with children
9. ................................(fill in)

The items are not placed in any particular order. However, this is my point, what if the women had a list too, how many of these would I tick ?

So she wants a chef...lol

Mind Your Business

I woke up this morning needing refreshment. There are days we wake up and when we try to peek into the day, see a lot of discomfort, pain and anxiety. My heart was thirsty for it knew my soul was parched. Thoughts of anger, lack of motivation, unforgiveness, hatred and many other were stuffing all the good space in me. I was bound to have a bad day if I started it like this.

So, I decided to do what I knew would change the situation. I talked to Him. There is something about Him which is just so liberating .2Co 3:17 . Liberating in that, it frees you from those thoughts that make you want to feel like that's how life is, yet to Him, there is a more excellent way!

I did talk to Him. Released my heart. Spoke His Word. Maybe I let some anger go, some frustration, some tears. I needed to, I think.

Then as I read and thought about Him, it occurred to me that His only business was His Father's. He completely gave up His own desires, dreams, hopes, fantasies, and decided to go after only that which was in His Father's interest. Phil 2:5-9. John 14:24.

He did not ever caught up in wanting to be like His peers. Sure, he had peers. Some were married, some were fathers, some were wealthy business owners, some had repute. However, that was not His focus, not His interest. His interest was in pleasing His Father. Luke 2:49. John 5:30.

His mind was focused on pleasing His Father. He was about His Father's business. Not His own.

Strangely enough, even when He called two of His disciples, Simon Peter and Andrew, He said to them, Matthew 4:19. They would no longer continue in their vocation, or profession. They were no going to follow Him and do His will.

So why do we get discouraged, distracted, when living for the Lord? Why do we seek to live Bill Gates life, or Usain Bolt's life, or Chris Brown's life when our Lord specialised and his disciples did too?

We are not called to live the same life. There are those of us called like Christ Jesus to devote to the Father, and nothing else will work unless we do. Matthew 6:33. We are busy seeking other things before we have found the Lord, thinking they are the key to joy, peace, happiness , LIFE!.

Yes He does tell us to glorify Him in all we do. 1 Cor 10:31. Yet there are many of us who have told to only have one way to do so, and that is by living for Him, telling others about Him, doing what He asked us to do.

I pray to be the kind that shall mind my own business, by minding His business, just like Jesus Christ's only business was the Father's business.

God bless.

Baseline:

John 15:4,7 Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it remains in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me. If you abide in Me, and My Words abide in you, you shall ask what you will, and it shall be done to you.

Forbidden Memoirs

They had not talked in a while. It was not abnormal. After all, she was a married woman. They were not supposed to be talking all the time; that used to happen when they were still both single, but now that she was married, she needed to talk to her husband more.

However, she was here and so was he. He said her name, "Michelle", she replied " "Ethan, it's been long." He asked her how she was and she said she was okay. Then proceeded to say how her life was grown up and that it was very scary. She had to take responsibility for her husband, and him her.

He thought that that was standard procedure and found it a non issue. She did not take his belittling of her situation lightly. She told him he did not understand and said it was a new experience, at the same time difficult. He smiled and thought it funny, that she was talking like this, after almost a year of marriage. However, he did not back down, maintaining it was her responsibility, she had to do her duty regardless of how she felt. After all, she made vows, she must have known what she was getting into.

Maybe she got a little angry, he did not know, all he could see were the words appearing on the screen as she typed.

She seemed not to mind as she told him how she'd not been feeling well. He sympathised. Perhaps had they been physically communicating, maybe he'd have offered an embrace, maybe. Maybe she'd have accepted it.

For some reason he asked her about a certain call she had made, and why she had hung up on him. At first, she could not exactly remember, but after some explanations she did. She had hung up because she was reminding him about a moment they had shared and that while she remembered everything very well, he seemed to have no idea what she was talking about.

It was a big deal to her. And although at the time he seemed to have no idea, it was a big deal to him as well. Later as she explained, he understood: it was the time they had that magical walk across the timeless bridge. That moment stayed etched on each others heart, as though joining them regardless of how far they had separated.

Nay, it was not the only thing. For from that moment, they followed a train of conversation remembering the good times they had shared in the past. He dared that she had forgotten a lot, but as she spoke, he discovered that she had not forgotten anything and that she treasured the memories as much as he did. She called them poignant memories. A troubling thing for a married woman to say.

At the moment, they failed to see it, but their hearts were leading them on. She did not want to give herself away, she could not make it explicit. She was married. What he saw on the screen next broke his heart. "I must have liked you some. I hang out with you, so much."

When chatting, silences mean a lot and he did not want to appear caught off guard. So he told her she was in denial she had liked him all along. She said maybe she had been in denial , but added, "I don't know how many guys I would have dated unnecessarily if it weren't for you."

What ensued was a conversation they had been avoiding for ages: The reason why they had ended up apart. He had needed to choose between her and God and that time. She never understood why. They had already chosen God. Why was he leaving her now? Why did he need to change Church? She had been brought here by him. It was everything she wanted and now after bringing her, he would leave her there? She explained to him, that at that time, she had not understood. For a moment it brought them apart. Only for a moment. However, that moment remained.

It was evident for now that perhaps some mistakes had been made, that perhaps some rash decisions were taken, that perhaps in another life, the surname she would be using would be his. In this life however, that had not been.

They both felt a deep sense of regret, because on the opposite sides of the screen were the people they were had been most comfortable with, the people they wanted to be with. Even when they spent ages apart, a single session of communication joined them instantly.

Michelle told him she had to leave and run some errands, so she excused herself and left Ethan alone in thought. But she was running away, again. Some things were hard to bear.

It was sad. Perhaps better they had not had this conversation. He realised she could have been his, and kept wondering why she had gone on with the wedding? Was it her family? Was it her friends? He would keep asking himself. And that he was learning all this now?

JBN

Amazing

The LORD thy God in the midst of thee [is] mighty; he will save, he will rejoice over thee with joy; he will rest in his love, he will joy over thee with singing. (Zephaniah 3:17)

Amazing.

Sometimes Girls Are Just ....

"It is not fair for one person to have that much power over another..." That is what somebody said regarding a boy/girl relationship. And yesterday I saw the truth in that statement. One of the few things that will make a man considerably weak and helpless and downright exposed, is his emotions for a woman.

"If you're a player out there sit your tail down and grow up..."

I am not writing from the view of a player, I am writing from the view of men who have discovered that the one worthwhile thing they can truly love is also the same thing that can make them truly abhor.

I do not know if I have the words to express what I want to express but, darn, sometimes girls just need to grow up.

There is an old tradition among women which goes along the lines of a guy doesn't love a woman who is "easy to get" and therefore meaning, never say yes to a guy the first time he asks you out. In other words, there is some unwritten rule that allows women to lead men on on the guise of proving if the guys really like them. So, they expect that the guy who doesn't take no for an answer really likes you, and the one who believes your no and moves on was just a joker.

I am not saying there is completely no truth in the above statement, however, over time, men are changing. After preaching the "no means no" gospel in the last century, women expect men not to practice what they have preached. No means no. Not wait.

I have met men who have taken the women at their word, honorable men who do not have time to engage their hearts in dangerous risk behaviour of maybes. They have received the no's albeit with a lot of heartbreak but have moved on, gone forward, left the women in their past.

So it is annoying when the same women come back and assault you with an unbelievable amount of attention trying to entice you back to what you have moved on from.

For some reason, men are taken to be beasts with hearts of steel. On the outside, maybe, but very few women know the thing a guy goes through to express his heart for a girl. A man is raised up to be strong, courageous, honorable and it seems to many men are more machine than human. That is not true.

The reason men seem to become machine is that they treasure their heart immensely and when one plays with it, the man, retrieves heart and guards it at whatever cost. Never wonder why crushes at school used to make men soft? That is a sacred part of a guy. Not saying it is not sacred for a woman too.

What I am saying is, girls need to grow up and stop thinking men are playthings you can remove from the closet whenever you feel like it.

A close friend shared with me how he was cruelly let down by a girl after almost a year of pursuit. She accepted the dates, received the gifts, as though everything was okay. Brother plots to make his true heart known and does so. Girl tells him she has heard and will get back to him as she has certain pressing things to do. Time passes and finally they meet. So, she decides to give him the answer, and the best way for her to do it was by saying, she has met someone she is more attracted to than him?!!!

Friend loses words, loses appetite, almost breaks down. His heart has been hit by a 2 ton boulder, and pressed against a 10 metre thick wall of concrete.

Well, if you don't like me like that, tell me so. Better yet, do not lead me on to think you may like me back like that. But what is worse is demeaning and devaluing a man by telling him there is a better guy you have met. That to me was cruel. Can easily make a man a player.

Another friend had a similar experience, he did not even drive home, he walked home. Grieved like he had lost a relative. The thing is , I do not think women take a man's pursuit in the same importance with which they treat their "in love" emotions. Want to break a man, (not a player), break his heart through a love for a woman.

You will know why Samson lost his hair and died a blind man.

Man can be wealthy, honorable, wise, but once you put a woman in the picture, all those things suddenly lose splendour. When a man loves a woman, believe me it is not a joke. I am not saying that means he deserves to be loved back just cause he loves seriously and solemnly.

I have a friend called Adler. She is a woman. She did not lead Sherlock on. From the moment she discovered he had feelings for her, she let him know she was not in the same mindset or "emotionset" and told him she would not lead him on but that they could be friends. Sher and Adler are one of the greatest examples of friendship I know. Why? There was mutual respect for each others feelings.

So, before you lead a guy on, girl, know that if you are joking about it, you may make a beast or a machine out of a man and so it is better to be wise enough and kind enough to let him know the truth early on before he gets over the moon.

Some people learn on the job, some people come already qualified. Whether you like a guy or maybe think you can learn to like him, why not be wise enough and let him know what is on the ground?

I think sometimes women/girls are just so selfish and cruel.

Baseline:
...does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 1 Cor 13:5

We are Hosea's Wife

I just spoke silence with the seeker next to me
She had a heart with hesitant, halting speech
That turned to mine and asked belligerently
"What do I live for?"

I see the scars of searches everywhere I go
From hearts to wars to literature to radio
There's a question like a shame no one will show
"What do I live for?"

We are Hosea's wife
We are squandering this life
Using people like ladders and words like knives

If we've eyes to see
If we've ears to hear
To find it in our hearts and mouths
The word that saves is near
Shed that shallow skin
Come and live again
Leave all you were before
To believe is to begin

There is truth in little corners of our lives
There are hints of it in songs and children's eyes
It's familiar, like an ancient lullaby
What do I live for?

We are Hosea's wife
We are squandering this life
Using bodies like money and truth like lies

We are more than dust
That means something
That means something
We are more than just
Blood and emotions
Inklings and notions
Atoms on oceans

By Brooke Fraser

Why Grace?

It's not that people cannot work for it, it's just that people will always want to do more, will always want to prove something, will always want to have one more star, their name in lights, on the silver screen...men will always need approval for their efforts.

Men can attempt to do right but at one point the line between doing right and motive for doing right will be lost. Sooner than later, you won't be giving because it is the right thing to do but rather because you want to receive applause for giving the bigger amount. Didn't the pharisees blow their own trumpets before they gave alms?

Righteousness can not be attained through our works, because somewhere along the way, superlatives will come into play.

Adam levelled the ground, out of him reduces us all to failure. Which is why we need grace. Grace demands no superlatives. Grace will take the best or the worst, the cleanest or filthiest. The shortest or tallest. The wisest or stupidest.

No need to pull rope trying to prove I am better than you. His blood makes us all acceptable.

Forget your goodness, your wealth, your wisdom, there are earthly merits. When it comes to God, the only merit is grace and faith in the Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.

God bless.

I am Your Everyday Academic -Emotional Christian

I am an Academic -Emotional Christian. I am far from the Spiritual, Faith part of this walk.

I am moved by the Word of God, yes. I am moved by the Word of God only to the point of saying "wow", or "amen" or "this is so true", or "My God". Sure it moves me but not to the point where I actually want to make a difference:Where I know it is true but will not take the effort to make a change.
I am moved by the word of God. I am moved by the word of God but only through television, and in the e-mail devotional, Oh yes even on radio broadcasts. I catch snacks instead of "man shall not live by bread alone but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God" I limit the effect of God's word by demeaning it's importance in my life. I never have time for meditation, for study, for prayer, but have enough time for facebook, tetris, cards and FIFA10... I know, I've heard guys saying this before, but it's just no longer appealing.

I am able to recite John 3:16 , Jeremiah 29:11, Philippians 4:6,7, 1 Cor 2:9 but never willing to go further to John 3:17, 18, 19 , 20; Jeremiah 29:11 onto 18 and 19; Philippians 4:8 and 9; 1 Cor 2:8. I prefer what is emotionally appealing.

I am emotionally living and not living by faith. I love to not judge, but am quiet on correcting and discipline. I am quick to be "inclusive" at the expense of holiness and justice.

I am going to be held accountable for loving someone so right yet not enough to lead them to the cross. I think I will hurt their feelings by telling them God does not approve of how they live their life. I am scared of being called unloving, politically incorrect, unfeeling, inhuman, selfish, close-minded if I tell it like it is.

I am glad when I hear feel-good Christian music but when it gets preachy, I lower the volume. I dance at God is enough-Lecrae but slightly turn away when they play After the music stops by the same man. I am wary of reproof but rejoice at encouragement.

Yeah I love the Lord, I know he understands my addiction, my passion, my habit. I guess if He saw fit since He is sovereign to give me this "thorn", then He will take it away Himself. I am okay with how I am. I won't be bothered to grow in discipline after all He can take it away, His grace is sufficient. I have relegated the need to grow to the need to be accepted, the need to feel okay

I am academic, I know what's in the Bible, and I am emotional, I love to feel good inside. But going further addressing the spiritual?

Baseline:
¹² For though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you again the first principles of the oracles of God; and you have come to need milk and not solid food. ¹³ For everyone who partakes only of milk is unskilled in the word of righteousness, for he is a babe. ¹⁴ But solid food belongs to those who are of full age, that is, those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil. Hebrews 5. NKJV

John 6:63 It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh profits nothing. The words that I speak to you are spirit, and they are life. NKJV

⁶ For to be carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace. Romans 8. NKJV

Find me

When it rains, let is wash
For my sins are upto my neck,
Regret down to my toes
Water, crystal clear, crystal clean
Wash away my sorrow.

When I let my eyes rove to the left ,
To the right;
Where is my shield, where is my name
Floating on this field creaking crumbling, very weak
Rain from above, wash away, wash away?

In a frenzy of uncertainty,
In a fury of doubt,
Ageless grace won't you find me
Direct me in your stream,
Carry me with your flow?

I don't know, I am scared
Sort of flipping, very pale,
What was clearing, some blurs more
I hate these shades,
Give me grace, no greys.

Risk Management

Was reading up about risk management, trying to understand more about risk in business ventures. In short, it involves identifying the risk, assessing it and prioritising it. Risk is in simple terms an uncertainty of an objective- your plans could succeed or fail. There is no definite way to predict to the highest correctness whether the outcome of your actions will be a success and not a failure.

Somethings are more risky than others because of the value of loss involved. Chances are if you bet on Manchester United winning in a Champions' League Final against Barcelona FC, you will lose your money. Why? Manchester are not half as good as the Catalans. In such cases, the skill is measurable.

What about when it comes to unmeasurables, for example, a person's will?

In Economics, one of the reasons people buy yet they do not necessarily need to is because despite the measurable variables, humans are oft illogical and will sometimes be led by their hearts and not their heads.

Between the heart and mind, what would I choose? Tough decision, out of the heart the issues of life flow but with a dead mind, we make all the wrong decisions.

When it comes to a person's will and their emotions, risk management becomes impossible. No way to determine an outcome, no previous data, nothing at all. Which is why we have this thing called hope. Hope is a nice little animal that sees the glass as always half full. There is always something good to look forward to in its books. Our hearts for some reason decide to hope, when they do not, they draw back.

The WORD lets us know that faith is the substance of things hoped for. Faith without hope isn't faith. There needs to be a glass half full seen before one can believe it will be.

So, when our happiness depends on unclear circumstances, or a person's choice, we are left with hope, not even faith, just hope. For a man's will is theirs, and unless illegally bent by mind control, it is not subject to anyone else.

Can hope be perfected? So that despite the outcome, a man's heart fails not? I believe it can be.

Rom 5:5 And hope does not make us ashamed, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit given to us.

Risk management when dealing with free will? Hope. Especially when the love of God has been poured out in the heart through God's Holy Spirit. May there be comfort, refuge and restoration when things go bad, even when you hoped they would not. With these, hope and love, you can be like Joseph who endured his brothers' ostracism, prison, betrayal but still forgave.

You can be like David who though could have killed his enemy, turned from the evil act or above all, be like Emmanuel who forgave his assailants in the act of murdering him.

Hope you make sense of this.
Goodnight.

This is just for you.

Strange but Sweet Love.

Laughter, smiles, voice
When all are yours,
Leave me utterly no choice
But to ask for more.

More time to hear, feel, love, look
"Don't go yet"
Fairy tale book;
Sweets, ...it might be flavoured fate.

Elixir of love?
Fuel of longing?
It is all I have
And I keep on hoping.

I could start now,
To open and fill these cherry pages,
But we're both asking how
Yet somehow the double-tip pen forward-edges.

Subtle, but strangely imposing
It stays like good wine in a cellar.
Two boats on a sea sailing,
You and I, dreams gone stellar.

Isn't it strange yet sweet, love?