Grace, No Greys

Happy New Year

2012-01-30T23:14:00.000+03:00

Happy new year folks. I know, I know; it's the end of January and you are probably wondering, did it take me this long to finally get into 2012? Well, I got into 2012 the same time you did. Regards, Petesmama, I was on my bed while the fireworks was about to go off for you and the whole world. Truth be told, I did not enter the year with much gusto but rather "quietness and confidence."

I decided not to make resolutions but rather quietly hope and walk. I watched a few fireworks displays from the home balcony before I nibbled on a bit of pork and then set myself to sleep. The post December 31, 2011 days have not been a breeze I tell you, which is why I am saying happy new year now.

I noticed some of you noticed my picture in the papers. Noted.

Anyway, three things: worship, work, women. It's been excruciatingly and yet wonderful walking this January given that it has not been the best of January's. I would never have imagined one as such as this. Even while the theme at Church is "Favour", I felt like there was little or none of it. Let's be clear, God has been good to me, exceptionally. I know why I say so. It may not look like it from afar but I know why I say so.

There has been a lot of pain in January. Personal, physical pain. Days after days of lying in the bed and keeping back moans and groans. The pain has been there but thank God, there was worship too. There was wisdom too. There was understanding as well. I am a doofus in the things of God, truthfully speaking; I am still asking God to clear the air in some areas and this pain is one of them. When God however reassures you with Word like When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow you... Isa 43:2, you learn to rest and wait "For so says the Lord Jehovah, the Holy One of Israel, In returning and rest you shall be saved; and in quietness and hope shall be your strength..."Isa 30:15.

It has been a long January. I have been to work only once, frustrated later with the pain. A lot of drama has happened too with the women. That, I will not talk about. I am in 2012 and crossing over to February, the so called month of love. It is just a reminder to all of us as we leave the first month, let love sustain us all the way through "Love quietly covers all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. "1Co 13:7.

This note is a little reminder to all of us, the walk with God may not make sense at all times, but He gives us peace, "Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. " John 14:27.

Blessed 2012.

Toblerone.

2011-12-24T20:34:00.001+03:00

Delicious. White. Chocolate. So she says. However, I have never tasted it. I had never really taken notice of it till she mentioned it. "White chocolate", I thought to myself, "...is it like white white gold?" Of course I would get no answers, just speculation.

White chocolate on Christmas evening.

So I set out on finding this treasure with just hours to the deadline. When I say deadline, I mean that I do not know whether supermarkets work on Christmas, because quite naturally, the people working also have families, they are not robots. Thus, I wonder who would work on Christmas?

That aside, I had forgotten or ignored the fact that it was 24th December.

"Strings of street lights Even stop lights
Blink a bright red and green
As the shoppers rush home with their treasures..."

The number of shoppers in the city was unprecedented by me. And may I make it clear, not just in the city, the number of people in the supermarkets with white chocolate was unprecedented! I had met a friend who knew where to get this "White Gold" and had recommended three places, Capital Shoppers, Shoprite or Uchumi.

I went to Capital Shoppers first and even before entering, already lost hope. It was lines and queues everywhere, even at the entrance. The place was filled! I managed to get in but it was so stuffy I felt I needed to leave immediately. I managed a quick scan, and got to the sweets/ chocolates but no Toblerone, no white chocolate.

I wasted no time leaving.

I would try Shoprite next, it was just down the road.

When I got to Shoprite, I thought there was a thief being manhandled! A scuffle was going on at the Parcels area. People were retrieving, and storing their bags, parcels and whatever packages they had come to shop with. There was a small crowd, people struggling to have their cards taken and their bags given them, and to add to this, they had Shoprite polythenes in one hand. In other words, when I sensed the bag on my back, I turned around and went to Cooper Complex. There was an Uchumi on the way home.

Now Uchumi was much better. Cool (I mean literally cool), Kirk Franklin playing in the background and no queues and lines. Now onto the most important thing, "White Gold", Toblerone.

I walked from the first aisle to the last aisle looking for even the sight of just one packet of that crystal (pun not really intended, lol )shaped chocolate. No Toblerone. Sigh. I had info that Toblerone was the best. A gem indeed.

Uchumi Kabalagala did not have it.

Yet they did have Cadbury's! Not Toblerone, but "White Gold" all the same. So I picked it and now, I cannot wait to get it to her....

See her then.

The Inn Keeper - A Short Story (3)

2011-12-21T11:37:00.003+03:00

...From Part Two

Royalty!

Expensive jewels on their fingers and ears, so bright they shone in the night. He closed the door quickly and hurried to his room to look through his window! And soon after he was there, the three men dressed like Kings got to the stable. He was able to hear their conversation as they reached:

“Finally we’re here!”

“Yes, the star light points us here!”

“Yes. We can now behold the child of hope.”

As soon as they saw the child, they went on their knees and bowed.

What are they doing? They are dressed like Kings, Magi, yet they kneel before a two hour old baby?

“Frankincense I offer.”

“Myrrh, I bring.”

“Gold, for the King of Kings.”

He pinched himself to make sure he wasn’t imagining this! He had to see this for himself. This time he hurried out without lamp to the stable. And he had not dreamt it! There was gold, the aroma of frankincense and sweet smelling myrrh.

This failed him. The boy and his parents were simpletons. They were in a stable moreover. What was so great about that?

The three men, the father and the mother looked at him a bit surprised by the shocked look on his face.

“It’s alright dear Sir, this boy, this child in your stable is the Saviour of the Jews but also of the whole world.” One of the three men told him assuredly.

He looked at the child for a minute and a tear almost came out. Before he could let anyone see it, he rushed back in, sat down and stared at the lamp.

Gods just sent a savior and he’s in my stable! Oh! Had I known! I’d have given the best room; but I didn’t know!

He kept on staring.

There’s a saviour in my stable!

And he began laughing out. Joy, disbelief ran through his blood as he laughed! He laughed and Chloe woke up and came to him;

“Sir, is everything alright?”

“Hahaha, Chloe, God knocked on our inn for a room, and we sent Him to the stable! Hahahaha”

Chloe was confused.

“Sir, maybe you should go to rest, I think you’re tired.”

“Chloe, go to rest, I have finally found my rest. Do not take a care for me!”

And he continued laughing. Then he went silent again, till the break of dawn, eyes wide open in disbelief and joy.

God, you should have told me to keep a room at least! You preferred the Christ be born in a manger?

…

A few years onward as he told a story to his now youthful grandson;

“I had God in my stable and didn’t even know it!”

The two fell silent and then suddenly broke out into laughter.

And it was true. The Saviour chose to be born in an Inn Keeper’s stable- because as after His own nature, He would in turn exalt the humble, and debase the proud. He would lift the weak and make them strong. He would take the helpless and give them help. He would take the poor and make them rich, the foolish and make them wise, the dead and give them life!

He was the persona of humility. A God that chose to be born like an animal, live like a deliverer and die like a criminal.

Are you too proud to make Him Lord?

Merry Christmas!

Joel Ntwatwa

The Inn Keeper - A Short Story (2)

2011-12-21T11:29:00.001+03:00

...From Part One

So he just sat and tried to listen.

A little while after, he heard the cries of a baby! He was delighted. He got up and looked, they were all there, the mother was alive, the father excited, the child. The strange thing is he never heard the mother moaning or anything. Strange.

He wanted to get up and go congratulate the parents; he got lamp in hand and began heading out. As he approached the door, he heard quick, excited footsteps outside his door. He opened the door to proceed to the stable and bumped into some shepherds!

“Sir, Sir, are you going to see the Saviour too?” One of the shepherds asked!

“Saviour? What do you mean? There’s a child in the stable, wrapped in swaddling clothes….” And before he finished one of the shepherds interrupted,

“Friend! That is the Saviour!...” And they went on to explain to him how angels appeared to them and told them how they’d find the child.

What new wine are these poor shepherds drinking? Angels? Saviour? Do they know how ordinary the people they are talking about are?

Their foolish talk made him think twice about going to see the child now. He directed them to the stable dismissing their talk yet the shepherds went on. It occurred to him they had the talk of men certain of their words, not weak knees swayed by wine! Might they be telling the truth?

He went back inside with his lamps; a little afraid and unsure. He went back to his room and looked through the window.

Soon after, the shepherds left. Singing and worshipping God, almost so loud they could have woken up the sleepers in the inns on that way.

His heart stilled.

The night was getting spent and already he was exhausted. Chloe and Mark were not allowed to sleep while he was still awake, so they were quietly talking to each other in the first room, Chloe in particular wondering what was happening.

“Chloe, Mark, you can go to bed now! I will stay up a little longer.”

“Master Phinehas is acting strange tonight. You think he’s alright?” Chloe asked.

“Of course, he is fine. You’re the one who’s tired. Go and rest. See you in the morning.”

He picked up his lamp to go and check on the two and as he neared the door this time heard camels outside!

What now? Richer shepherds perhaps?

He decided to open the door and have a look.

And he almost dropped his lamp!!!

Continue to Part Three...

The Inn Keeper- Short Story (1)

2011-12-21T11:24:00.001+03:00

Tired already, but still needingto serve some clients, he heard a desperate knock on his door.

Dadadadada

He immediately knew what it was,another traveler looking for a place to stay for the night. Ever since theEmperor, Augustus had decreed the census, there had been very many people inthe area and almost everyone needed a room. Business was good but it was alsovery exhausting. He could not count the number oftimes he had to tell customers “No room!” in the past few days.

Dadadadada.

It went again and this time heshouted;

“No room!”

Oh gosh. He knew he’d beenpraying all year for God to bless his business but quite literally now his cupwas running over. He had actually no room to accommodate any clients now.

Dadadadada.

This was getting to him, so hehad no option but to literally face whoever it was and send them away. As he approachedthe door, lamp in hand, the angry sound came again;

Dadadadada

And this really got to him, angerrose up and as he opened the door shouted;

“Are you going to sleep in the stable?BECAUSE I HAVE NO ROOM LEFT!!!”

As soon as he saw the man and thewoman with him, he thought to himself; Perhaps I need to make room in the stable. The man in front of him remindedhim of his own son. He had become a father too at around this age- they grow up so fast!

“Sir, we’ve tried every other Innand we were really hoping there would be some room, anything, anywhere my wifecan lie down because the baby is soon coming! Dear Sir, if you have any room,please help.”

He could not just tell them totry elsewhere, they had been trying elsewhere probably all evening, especiallyseeing how worn out they both looked.

“Mark? Take a vessel and sometowels to number 14 and 3. Ask Chloe to make sure she takes food to 4 and 8.Okay?”

“Okay Sir!”

He came out, lamp in his hand,closed the door behind him.

“Come, my inn is full, but there isa stable behind. There’s a little space I was preparing for some two donkeys I wasgoing to buy but I imagine it will be of help. There’s a manger for feeding theanimals. Let me clean it for you. I hope it will be of some use.”

He led them to a stable with someanimals in it, a cow, some chickens, and two goats. As they got in, the animalsmade no noise, the cow chewed cud as he observed the three people come in, as ifwondering what was happening.

“There are some vessels I can bringyou and a little warm water.”

He cleared out some hay and formeda bed, helped Joseph lay out some mats and create a makeshift bed for the soon tobe mother.

“I am so sorry, I do not have anyspace left, but I do hope this will help.”

Now, he wondered to himself: Why amI being so nice? He did not answer himself; he continued to clean one of themangers.

The man who’d finally been helped,in a relieved yet tired voice told the Inn Keeper,

“Thank you Sir, may God bless you.”

“Don’t worry Sir; just making sureyour wife is fine. Let me go get you the vessels and warm water. “

There’s something strange about these people, I cannot put a finger to it, he said to himself as he went inside the inn. He called Chloe, one of the maidenshe employed to prepare some towels for him and a little warm water.

She wondered what for, since therewere no more people inside the inn who needed them. Is he getting old? However,she simply did as told. As soon as she gave them to him, he went out quickly anddelivered them to the couple.

After that, he decided to leave, but he would keepan eye on them. So he went to his room, there was a small window overlooking thestable, from here he could see what was happening.

Phinehas, perhaps, you will look after she’s delivered.

Continue to Part Two...

Grown Up.

2011-12-18T08:18:00.000+03:00

My desire this year, my prayer is to walk the talk. To be the change in my community, my family, my friends, my country, my cell, at Church. Tired of talking, I need to start stepping.

I am growing up. My priorities are changing slowly. My focuses are changing. My hopes are changing. What was appealing before seems to be dim now, and the dim now brighter. The time is upon me to live on purpose. 11.12.11. Remember that date.

Time to live from heart to head.

Time to walk by His voice. Time to grab opportunities. God of all, your son prays for strength in the inner man. Ephesians 1 and 3 this year Lord.

And for the things I have sought after year after year, Lord give me rest over them, peace. I hand them over, that You may make those things perfect in timing and quality.

Thanks for family, friends and subscribers ;). I love you Lord.

Miss writing.

2011-12-17T14:49:00.000+03:00

At twenty three, writing was my dream, my passion, my obsession. My mind was always on the look out for a story. Whether sad or good, my mind was hungry to translate individuals onto paper and have others share of their lives.

I have been writing since I was eleven. I am captivated by words. They are like colours, all different but contributing to one light. I fell in love with the words of that story- when a girl fell in love with a boy, and that story when a boy had adventures at his school, and that story about solving mysteries. I loved stories, the stream from the beginning to the end; the rollercoaster ride, the adrenaline and the sadness all at once. So I decided to start writing too.

I decided to imagine I was solving a mystery, telling a girl I loved her, praising the Master. So I wrote and my heart loved to write. In sadness I wrote. In heart break, I wrote; in disappointment , I wrote; in excitement, I wrote. Writing became my escape.

I owned many journals from the time I was young. I would record the days, the good and bad, the high and low. And days later when years had passed, I would read the stories and see how far I had come.

How I miss my writing, that old old passion, that thing that made me calm when my day was haywire. Today I want to write but it's got a lot harder. As soon as I put pen to paper and my heart pulls out. So I suffer with heavy burdens, heavy thoughts. I toss and turn in my bed at like one a-m and now a paper cannot even help me to sleep.

I end up turning on lights, turning on a computer, maybe a television, maybe a console.

And it's not just for mourning, I mean my writing, for when I was twenty three all my writings were blessings. Commentaries and advice on the things of life, exciting encouragement on the things of Christ. It was easier then, but so much harder now. Is it coz I'm in a hurry to live my next moment?

For writing can't be rushed, no, it can't be forced out. It is like a river, or the brewing of a wine, or the bearing of a baby or the blooming of a fruit. Yet sometimes I need to move quickly, get over this, go ahead, life becomes too quick and I just have no time to write.

Yet I miss you writing. The highs and the lows and that God would revive me to tell those stories again. Yes I write still, but not as before, so God make it better than ever before.

Be Strong in Grace

2011-12-16T16:46:00.002+03:00

1 You therefore, my son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus. 2 And the things that you have heard from me among many witnesses, commit these to faithful men who will be able to teach others also. 3 You therefore must endure [fn1] hardship as a good soldier of Jesus Christ. 4 No one engaged in warfare entangles himself with the affairs of this life, that he may please him who enlisted him as a soldier. 5 And also if anyone competes in athletics, he is not crowned unless he competes according to the rules. 6 The hardworking farmer must be first to partake of the crops. 7 Consider what I say, and may [fn2] the Lord give you understanding in all things.
8 Remember that Jesus Christ, of the seed of David, was raised from the dead according to my gospel, 9 for which I suffer trouble as an evildoer, even to the point of chains; but the word of God is not chained. 10 Therefore I endure all things for the sake of the elect, that they also may obtain the salvation which is in Christ Jesus with eternal glory.
11 This is a faithful saying:

For if we died with Him,
We shall also live with Him.
12 If we endure,
We shall also reign with Him.
If we deny Him,
He also will deny us.
13 If we are faithless,
He remains faithful;
He cannot deny Himself.

Approved and Disapproved Workers

14 Remind them of these things, charging them before the Lord not to strive about words to no profit, to the ruin of the hearers. 15 Be diligent to present yourself approved to God, a worker who does not need to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth. 16 But shun profane and idle babblings, for they will increase to more ungodliness. 17 And their message will spread like cancer. Hymenaeus and Philetus are of this sort, 18 who have strayed concerning the truth, saying that the resurrection is already past; and they overthrow the faith of some. 19 Nevertheless the solid foundation of God stands, having this seal: “The Lord knows those who are His,” and, “Let everyone who names the name of Christ [fn3] depart from iniquity.”
20 But in a great house there are not only vessels of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay, some for honor and some for dishonor. 21 Therefore if anyone cleanses himself from the latter, he will be a vessel for honor, sanctified and useful for the Master, prepared for every good work. 22 Flee also youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart. 23 But avoid foolish and ignorant disputes, knowing that they generate strife. 24 And a servant of the Lord must not quarrel but be gentle to all, able to teach, patient, 25 in humility correcting those who are in opposition, if God perhaps will grant them repentance, so that they may know the truth, 26 and that they may come to their senses and escape the snare of the devil, having been taken captive by him to do his will.

2 Timothy 2 (Blueletterbible.org)

Fadtastic Uganda

2011-12-13T19:11:00.000+03:00

So, Golola just got himself in between a rock and a hard place and all Ugandans can do is make jokes about him. Meanwhile, Bad Black is back in jail, not much ado there till she comes out. The Uganda Cranes did a dozen on CECAFA and there was no crowd to welcome them back home this time as it was in the 90s.After failing to qualify for AFCON, the blame game started.

Kabakumba Matsiko is being urged to resign because of radio equipment by MPs. A little while back, UMEME was in the dock, then a former youth MP became a hero because of oil allegations but now those are silent.

Sebaggala once came back as a convicted felon and was praised for being sharp. Michael Ezra the same, Rubeleto is praised for money bags as the Kirumiras. Pablo used to be the talk of town and now there are Crackers and a whole lot of other comdey troupes.

Afrigo band now tussles it out with Eagles' and many other bands in many bars around town.

Ugandans seem to me to have a habit of moving on very quickly from things.So much drama in Uganda it feels like a soap opera. In parliament nothing is ever resolved, just excitement of stopping corruption and that is it. No developmental stuff, nothing.

Lugaflow came, Zamba ate his money, now lugaflow is off. Zamba is almost becoming a legend in a baboon forest.

The dollar is at 2400/- today and fuel stations are selling petrol at 3950/-. Sugar simply failed to go back below 3000/-. I wonder, don't dollars have anything to do with inflation and the economy? Why is nothing changing?

Taxi fares change hapharzadly. School fees go up on the guise of the economy.

Where is the root of Uganda? Why are we so fadtabulous? Why are we so pedantic? Selfish? Egotistic?

Even Isaiah Katumwa is old news. Thankfully even Gaetano is now old news.

There is no root in this nation. No staying power except corruption. What is there to be proud of if the only thing were doing is hedonistically jumping from one pleasure to another and senselessly complaining about lawlessness, the same which we subject others to?

UG? Warup?

Baseline:
Proverbs 14:34- Righteousness exalts a nation, but sin is a reproach to any people.

Changes...(Part 2)

2011-12-04T22:15:00.001+03:00

When he had first seen her, he realised he had a crush. There was something about her that just instantly made him admire her. However, he made a deliberate decision not to pursue any such thing for his own good.

When a meeting with her was gifted, he did not anticipate what would ensue. He said

"Hi".

Normally, a girl like her would have a voice with a high pitch and would talk excitedly! When she opened her mouth to speak...

Low tone, mature, controlled clarity of a woman! These are the very things he was trying to prevent and just this one meeting and the water tried to break the dam. Her voice was uniquely beautiful and calm! He stretched out his hand, and she received it.

At that moment, he did not envision he would have this predicament now. What should he do now?

Scribbled for 1st December

2011-11-30T23:33:00.001+03:00

HIV/AIDS.

We take it for granted coz we think we can handle it; with wads of moneys that can buy ARVs. How about those in the rural rural areas, sufferin on their death beds coz their flesh took over once... AIDS has not relented, but our carnal nature has, so we keep joining networks, buying condoms etc.

ABC- Abstain Be Faithful Christ's conviction but then we make it look like condoms can be sustained? Our flesh keeps bugging, and then we throw them out the door, and anyway, we all die someday, so we throw caution to the wind.

God help us buffet this flesh and the only way I know is help us change our minds. Help us grow up. Help us cherish marriage, and honour the marriage bed, help us drink water from only our cisterns, help us only look to and enjoy the mates of our youth. Yeah, sex is nice, but the pleasure lasts seconds, and then you're back to step one trying to get another high. And you try to please the flesh but it never gets satisfied, if only you could get your Spirit intertwined with your soul, you'd know that besides the Lord are pleasures forever more.

Pleasures forevermore.

You will show me the path of life; in Your presence is fullness of joy, at Your right hand there are pleasures forevermore.^(B)
^{Psalm 16:11}

Peace out to those who got the virus from no fault of your own, let God be your healer, let God press your wounds.

If you do not know your status, style up.

Red hearts.

2011-11-29T23:53:00.001+03:00

It is no mistake that our hearts are red
That when thorns went through them, they bled.
Was no mistake they were made after that fashion
For red, no doubt is the colour of passion.

And when we loved, red hearts gave their all,
And the love was full, no leaks, there were no holes,
Our hearts gave of themselves, they gave of their nature
And expected no less, to them dishonesty was obscure.

And you can't fault a heart filled,
But what happens when its hopes are killed,
When the seeming truth was a lie,
When what should have lived, had died?

After building hopes and dreams
They tumbled, burned down, replaced with eerie screams,
Tears like torrents fell, lungs filled with sorrow to the brim,
When the red heart broke, it seemed life turned grim.

But we mustn't stifle the sorrow-

Let us mourn today for we must live tomorrow,
Let our tears overrun the dams of sobriety
Let's not just move on yet our wounds hurt still,
Let us allot the healing our hearts need now,

For when we love tomorrow,
Our hearts should not love any less because of yesterday
Let them still give of their fullness,
Let their passion remain,
Let our hearts remain red with passion

When we love again tomorrow.

For love cannot be forsaken because of the past,
It's life and energy rested because of scars,
We are given to love, for we are children of love.

Changes...(Part 1)

2011-11-27T12:39:00.001+03:00

There was nothing extraordinary, at first, except that she looked very familiar. She brought back a whiff of nostalgia he was not pretty sure he could place his finger on. What was it about her? Regardless of the fact that she looked familiar, she did look pretty. She wasn't "hot" per se, she was beautiful; a gentle dove eyed beauty that was placid to behold.For those reasons, whenever he passed by Church, he thought about her, hoping perhaps he would chance on her again.

On the occasions he would see her and steal a glance, he would always be caught stealing it.She'd never look surprised; her eyes almost intimidating, as if she knew what he was thinking. So, he would quickly turn away and continue doing whatever he had been doing or pretended to be doing something.

Several years later he found himself in a spot. They were now friends.And not just friends, they were good friends who had experienced a bit of the sour part of life and were able to strengthen each other through it. Right now he had a decision to make...it could change everything..........

Word

2011-11-17T14:53:00.001+03:00

Ever since the scales fell off and the light came in,
I have seen more clearly how this all fits in,
See the square peg can't fit in a round hole,
So it's time to pack these bags, time for me to move.

Funny how an angel of light can actually be an agent of darkness. Sometimes fools' gold shines brighter than real gold. Do we ever think about the things that we say, what we want them to mean or if we mean what we say? Try to understand that this world moves by Word, forget about the forces that the sciences give to it. In the beginning was Word, and Word keeps the world going on which is why this small rudder can steer a ship on a sea. Same reason why the tongue needs to be mastered.

When you say something, it is your creation. You either sustain the creation by your consistence or risk your honour by your vacillation. In the end we are murals. We are artworks.Whatever view I have of you is what I will take. If the side I see is inconsistent with your whole state, you pretty much cannot blame it on me, it is what I saw.

What am I saying? Style up man, be a man of your word.

"This time I asked her name"

2011-11-06T21:20:00.004+03:00

"This time I asked her name."

I tell myself in consolation after failing to get her number. See, she was another "prettiest sight lately" and this time I was not about to rue having gone without her name.

I had a lot of time to think how to go about it, get her name that is, but when push came to shove, I threw thinking out altogether and decided to say hullo. She was tall, pretty, had braids. She had a smile as lovely as an aurora, I could not help but find out her name.

She was talking with a friend, and they seemed to be deeply engrossed in their conversation but names must be got. So I dragged my friend along and ended their conversation. Call me reckless or impatient, but I went straight ahead- "Hi I'm Joel."

This would either backfire or work just fine; thank God it did the latter, her name escaped her lips gilded with a smile. Now, to protect her identity, her name I shall keep to myself just in case. (The world's just too small these days).

It is at this point I realised that I should have thought this through at first. It felt like asking a girl out and she says yes and you are faced with no idea of how to be a boyfriend.

I had her name. So?

That is where my friend stepped in, trying to steer the conversation into getting more than just a name. I did not catch this vision well. In the attempt, out of the four persons exchanging small talk, only one person gave out their number.

Now, I am telling myself, "I wish I'd asked for her number". Well, much more than asking, probably negotiated better.

Oh well! Life is good! :) Number next time.

"Kamu kamu gwe muganda", one by one makes a bundle.A little better everyday. Yeah, I got my glass half full.

Mbu you have issues...

2011-11-02T23:17:00.000+03:00

Have you ever wanted to go back to school after dropping out but cannot because the money just can't become enough! You have saved and saved but damn it! It's never enough!

Have you ever wanted to sleep but cannot unless you take some weed? The only thing close to a bedsheet is a thin film of polythene and an old thrown-away teddy bear for a pillow.

Have you ever wanted to have a clean piece of bread but dust covered morsels are all you ever get?

Ever wanted to call home, but all your people are dead?

Ever wanted to be alone, but there are deadlines ahead?

You think you have issues.....

A self centered life is a dead life.

Give, receive, thank.

Life.

2011-11-02T16:28:00.000+03:00

Does not need to be lived waiting for a phone call. Doesn't have to be lived ruing a missed goal. Doesn't have to be lived licking at somebody's feet. Arise, Ntwatwa, Christ has given you light!

Death Be not Proud

2011-10-28T09:53:00.002+03:00

Sometimes, news hits you with such a grandiose haymaker that many times you lose balance and cannot throw anything back. Sad news knows how to bring stillness while at the same time cause such turmoil.

Death is the ultimate sad news. Nothing can beat it. Forget about the small 200 million shilling debt you may be having, or perhaps that retake or that accident which damaged your car. Forget about your lack of supper or fuel, death surpasses all these.

This year has been one of those that are just well, trying, to say the least.

At the beginning of the year, I received a text from a friend. "My dad has died.".

Angst! Fury! Carnage! Such a grave statement made even more grave by just the four words and a full stop. I find it hard to explain why that statement made me solemnly sad but it was just the pure admission and perhaps resignation in it that gave my heart pangs.

Some months down the road, another text. Meanwhile, they are always texts. "My dad has died.". Again. The same words. And this time it was my cousin. I did not know how to react. I knew I had to go home and see my aunt and cousins but damn, now? I keep wondering why the same words?

Another few months down the road, we are celebrating new birth. Two new boys, twins in fact. The spirits are high. And then, first day, "Kato abuuse." (Kato has died). Darn. Insert an angry word. However, the life of Wasswa is consolation.

Sunday night,we are watching the news and a call comes in, mom picks it and goes to her bedroom. Moments later she comes with deep distress announcing "Wasswa naye abuuse!". Both twins, gone. 7 months all gone up like smoke. The beautiful boys gone. I had not even yet laid an eyes on either.

Pause.

"Kasita nze ndi mulamu." Was the consolation she gave us her younger brothers. "At least I am still alive." Heave.

Another friend lost her mum, and there I was looking awkward trying to make her feel better. Darn.

Just this week, I read about Leland Shores. He died too, pneumonia. Such a man of God, who had lived diligently for the sake of the gospel. I saw him one time at the Food Court at Garden City and wanted to go over and ask him to pray for me, since I had my issues. But I was with a friend, and he was having lunch with friends so I decided not to bother him. Leland shores was in charge of Andrew Wommack ministries in Uganda. I had also seen him last year at the Gospel Truth Seminar at Serena.

Now today in the morning, my mom tells me Bishop John Michael Mugerwa died with colleagues in an accident in Kakira, that after 30 minutes, they were still cutting out the remains of the deceased.

Pause.

Sometimes I do not get it.

All I can say is, may He comfort our hearts, the God of all comfort. I know, not one of us has not experienced this, so my thoughts are with us all.

Death, be not proud, though some have called thee
Mighty and dreadful, for thou are not so;
For those whom thou think'st thou dost overthrow
Die not, poor Death, nor yet canst thou kill me.
From rest and sleep, which but thy pictures be,
Much pleasure; then from thee much more must flow,
And soonest our best men with thee do go,
Rest of their bones, and soul's delivery.
Thou'art slave to fate, chance, kings, and desperate men,
And dost with poison, war, and sickness dwell,
And poppy'or charms can make us sleep as well
And better than thy stroke; why swell'st thou then?
One short sleep past, we wake eternally,
And death shall be no more; Death, thou shalt die.

Isaiah 25:8

He will swallow up death forever,
And the Lord GOD will wipe away tears from all faces;
The rebuke of His people
He will take away from all the earth;
For the LORD has spoken.

Another time, another place

2011-10-25T14:04:00.001+03:00

Before I start this tale, a small reminder:

So, I went to Church on Sunday. I decided to go for the 10am service. I could have gone for the 5pm service on Saturday, but what with chasing fate!See, I have a dream and that dream could only become visual on Sunday at 10am.

I mentioned to you previously how I should at least have got her name. Unfortunately for a weak guy like me, I did not and had to spend the ensuing week ruing a missed chance. However, not to be outdone, a lot of options were presented to me. Some advised I give a testimony in Church so she could see me, others said I should become an usher but what I decided on was to go to the same seat and see if she would do the same.

Unfortunately for me, the best time to do it should have been a week after but the week after I was occupied in Malaba. So this was a really tough call but hey, better to take it than keep on ruing. So I went to Church last Sunday aiming for the same seat, hoping she would do the same.

Unfortunately for a second time, I this time arrived late; a few minutes after 10am. I still went to the same place hoping, just, maybe she is there. And I walked mindful of the faces above and below, my eyes simulated the form and face I was expecting to see, but unfortunately for the third time, she was not there.

Assumptions processed in my mind :She did not see me last week, so she gave up.She was late too.Dude, stop dreaming.

Ah, all for not asking a name, perhaps maybe a number as well. Good news is, I am over it somehow. Maybe another time, another place, I will ask her name and maybe get her number soon enough.

So, fare thee well, fair lady, till another day in paradise, maybe you will come in a fairer form and I will be a bolder man.

"If only I had asked her name."

2011-10-11T10:14:00.002+03:00

"If only I had asked her name."

I keep telling myself, two days after I saw her. She was the prettiest sight lately, the most dove eyed beauty to pass my way in a

long time. She, graceful and stately, stood beside me the whole time, and I wish, keep wishing;

"If only I had asked her name."

Her eyes never danced at all, they were steady.When she looked at me, she would stare deep and not try to rush away. Her smile was

a wine brew, glaring in the light. She was such a beautiful woman,

"If only I had asked her name."

The Pastor asked us to join hands across the pew, and give thanks for all God's blessings.Our hands intertwined, she pressed gently

onto mine. My goodness, I felt a tingle, fire warming my veins!And now I am ruing,

"If only I had asked her name."

The rain was falling, I was last at the door.The wind was blowing, I had no sweater on. Yet each time I looked, at the placid joy

in her eyes, my body was revived, and it was cold no more.

"If only I had asked her name."

She was gentle, she was beautiful, she was most of those things men dream of . As they asked us to pray, I muttered,

"Father I receive a wife."

And now I am thinking, constantly deliberating, planning to become an usher so that I may see her again. Maybe I should try the

same seat, same service and hope she does so too. I need to find that woman, coz I think she'll be my wife.

Manoeuvre

2011-09-20T11:41:00.000+03:00

Note: when you mouse over the scriptures they will pop up. :-)

"Ran out of places I can run...". 4th Avenue Jones finishes that line by saying "...God take me away..." in their song Take Me Away. I do not have the ignorance to ask for such a thing anymore. The escapism and individualism that some of the monks had. Placed in a world full of dirt and slime, one would think tis better to run away or get away so as not to be tainted. Unfortunately, that luxury does not exist. Not even Jesus Christ took it. The only time He did that was the 40 days He fasted and more so the prayers He would have, away from the crowds.

Point taken:- You cannot get away from the world physically. You can get away from the world Spiritually. How? Through prayer and fasting.

Back to this world. It is such a distress that it seems slime and dirt follow me everywhere I go. The very things I am avoiding are the very things availing themselves.

Scenario: I am trying my best to keep my eyes away from indecency. Trying to avoid those women who were deceived that the more flesh they show, the more likeable they are. To an extent there is some truth; the flesh will demand of the flesh. The eyes will want to see more "skin". So, in the flesh, the more skin the better, the more skin the more "beautiful" or "likeable" or as the world commonly puts it "sexy"/"desirable".

What is worse is that sometimes it is not even the women exposing their skin. It is the men. In my line of work, I look for a lot of resources in terms of graphics, that is, vectors, pictures, brushes. In this line of work, the women may not neccessarily choose indecency however, due to the "gift" of drawing and animating some men have, they will create their women, with barely enough clothing or none. Sometimes I cannot avoid stumbling onto these.

I hate it when I am watching a program or a match and then the ads come on. Now I like ads, some are really nice. However, I wonder why a woman is always involved. And most times she prolly has no clothes on, even when the advert is about jeans!

I know, you're going to say I have a weak or dirty mind. If that is the case, then I am attempting to detoxify. It is hard, I must say. So hard that my advice to the pure of mind is for them to make up their minds never to get dirty. lol.

Point is, how do I manoeuvre these things? They are all over the place! In the papers. On the radio. In the TV. On the internet. Everywhere. Does that mean I am a slave to these "chancings" of decadence? No. I am accountable. To God, the Father, the Son, the Holy Spirit. I must mind what I hear, see, read, think.

Christ began with a fast, however, we see Him at 12 years of age having already been a student of the word. We see Him treasure prayer so much he even rebuked His disciples once by saying "What, could ye not watch with me one hour?" See more Matthew 26:40-44.

Gosh, this calls for repentance!

Bottom line is, I believe I must once again, target my heart through my mind and also strengthen my spirit. At the end of the day, when it pops up, I can simply turn away, and not follow the link. And not buy the paper, and not turn up the volume, and not rewind the scene.

See John 6:63. See Romans 12:2

Be blessed.

2011-09-17T22:40:00.001+03:00

Run out of places I can run.

Prada Body Bags and Heart to Hearts

2011-09-12T08:53:00.003+03:00

I was greatly privileged last Saturday morning with the honour of spending almost an entire day with a lady of amazing depth and soul. The privilege was threatened by the morning drizzle and cool temperatures but the two of us insisted that this meeting must go ahead. We were not to meet in a building, however, we were to take a walk and enjoy one of the higher heights of the city.

It amazes me how unique people can be but at the same time, how similar we all are. One of the things that unites us as people is the heart. It is interesting to note that when referring to a central and important part of anything, the word heart is used.

Heart is core.

During the time I spent with this gem of a woman, I discovered a great deal about the heart: the heart having a mind of its own separate from the brain. It is queer since I have already heard of statements like "Follow your heart, not your head". It seems that the heart disagrees with the brain on many things and the few times when the two agree, it is bliss!

In the decision making process, the war between the two can be easily seen. A man who wants to cut weight should take the necessary steps; gym, diet, etc. However, why is that hard to do? The aspect of appetite comes in. Whereas the ideal thing is fore-go another plate of rice,chicken,matooke and peas, something else appeals to the taste buds and the stomach and a problem arises.

When offered a job that earns you three times your former salary, the decision to take it should be easy, only if you did not have to cross two oceans away from your loved ones and entire history.

The heart and mind disagree on major things.

The heart is a core of the human, affecting every decision he makes. When a heart is raw, unused, tender and pliable, it is capable of everything and anything that it is taught. Proverbs 22:6 highlights that whatever is taught a pliable heart will make the final mould.

At the end of the day, will the heart resemble a statue or remain beating with life. If you read "Don't Let it Get Hard" you will know what I mean.

The heart to heart with this woman opened my "heart", if I can say that. The two hearts connected on key levels and revealed things that may have been there but ignored or forgotten. The problem with the human heart is that it is dark and twisted. Jeremiah 17:9. The propensity of evil that a human heart has is unimaginable and only needs "activating" with the right head knowledge.

A child can easily turn terrorist because of the things his heart is being fed. At the same time, a child can become the very opposite, depending on how their heart is being moulded. Note this: information moulds the heart. Information changes the mind of the heart or approves what is already there.

Lately, people's hearts are hard. Everyone is becoming more insensitive and "open minded". What was strange to the heart is now commonplace. Information is changing our hearts.

At the core, we want what is bad for us. And go out of our way to even fight for it. We become broke because of it, lose sleep to it, fall sick by it, lose our very lives because of the bad. Our hearts wicked already become more wicked.

Thankfully, Ezekiel 36:26 provides a solution. Transplants are possible.

You can exchange your old heart for a new one. With freshness, purity, goodness. This heart can be maintained with a proper mind system. Right thinking!

When the writer in Romans 12 verse 2 writes "And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what [is] that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. " He shows us that you prove the will of God placed in your new heart by renewing your mind. What I am saying is, your new heart has all the files, updates, patches, fixes, needed. Your mind is now the only thing that needs convincing.

How does the renewing occur? Do not conform to the world. Conform to the Word. Many focus so much on the external, you would think they were going to eternity with it. Prada is just a body bag, Ray Ban suglasses your double eye patch, Revlon- the spice that removes the stench of the rotting corpse, Dolce Vita the anesthetic on the thorn filled path to destruction. "Whoredom and wine and new wine take away the heart. " Hosea 4:11

So much focus on the external blinds us to the reality of eternity, the reality of righteousness, the reality of God. Jesus notes "Take heed and beware of covetousness, for one’s life does not consist in the abundance of the things he possesses" Luke 12: 15.

Mind the heart. For out of it flow the issues of life. Proverbs 4:23

Having heard such a hearty exchange with the lovely lady, I am convinced, if half of the hearts in the world were in the right place, half of the vices would not exist. So, what are you feeding your heart? Is it the old dead one or the new one? Are you priding yourself in dead things, or awakening to the living?

I am pondering on these words of Jude

"¹² These are spots in your love feasts, while they feast with you without fear, serving only themselves. They are clouds without water, carried about^[c] by the winds; late autumn trees without fruit, twice dead, pulled up by the roots; ¹³ raging waves of the sea, foaming up their own shame; wandering stars for whom is reserved the blackness of darkness forever. " Jude 1:12-13.

I do not want to be twice dead. Period. I am going to mind my heart. It would be well you too, do.

Further study:
Hosea 4. Romans 1. Romans 12. Titus. Jude.

Enjoy.

chaos

2011-09-05T05:21:00.001+03:00

When did I ever wake up this early? I cannot remember. I wonder why I am up and I am conviced it is because of work. However, deep somewhere down in my heart I know that is not the reason. I have poundings in my heart. Painful pangs of chaos. ...

My current state of "repairs".

2011-08-25T08:20:00.003+03:00

So, this is an attempt to prevent any unwanted usage as a mat of a transformer, according to Angela Kintu. I hope I beat the 235 minute deadline. :)

I am attempting to write this post the fastest way I can but the distractions are immense. I have an appointment in less than half an hour, and I need to have some samples designed before that time. I am also interviewing a great designer for an upcoming article, not to mention I may have to chip in tea.

I was not told that an office job is crazier than freelancing. Deadlines, multitasking, attention to detail on a much greater level. I am happy I am employed, it is a testimony that God hears and does answer in His perfect timing. Do not quit believing.

I am not about to get married. However, many of my friends are.

[an hour later, I am still working on this post].

I like my space sometimes. Problem is, on the days I want it most, there are many that would want my attention. That is not a bad thing. It helps one avoid pitfalls sometimes, for example, depression. However, when my space is for issues of relating with God, I am sorry I may not give my space away. I still have some exceptions on that case....mostly fair ones. ;)

I love fried stuff, nonetheless, I am not fat. I tried to get fat, and concluded that is not my gift. Maybe I did not really try. A workmate asked one time why "geeks" or computer people are small and I am no longer amused by the question. Nor by the one that suggests that IT people, take longer to marry because there is initially a conflict of interest. Women and IT, sadly have not yet mixed.

I miss writing. Writing poetry, writing pietry, writing prose... I miss it. I have sort of moved away from my heart and moved outside to things like gaming. What should I do? And to think I had wanted to win a Laureate award back in the day. Hmmm...

I am nobody important, you would not know me, except of course if for some reason you've seen my name randomly in a Newspaper or on a wall in graffiti on some road in the UK. I am shy. Please talk to me first, it's not that I am proud, I just have failed to say the first word.

I heard a funny word yesterday- xyctosis, I do not think it is even a word, it is just a sound. A funny sound. I was being cautioned on not wasting my xyctosis on the wrong thing. That I must wait for the right thing to come along. Thing in which case could range from living things to non living things.

I went visiting on Tuesday at a hostel and felt lost. Growing up really gives you perspective. The things people at hostels [read Campus] value are such diminutive in comparison to the things they will value when off campus. Sometimes however, a season will not affect value, rather a person's character and sadly fewer and fewer people, especially the youth, have values.

Okay, I can say I am done with this randomness. Coz, frankly, I need to go make money for this company but I must say this was fun. :) Will try it again some time.

I did not even talk about repairs... ugh! But, next time.

England Looting and God

2011-08-12T16:21:00.002+03:00

If you look at this article and this and also this, and even this you will realise that many people in England have lost faith.

The fact that there is looting by the youth as young as 12 or even younger indicates that there is a generally growing trend of secularism. Given that the items looted are mainly electronics like laptops and phones, not to mention designer clothes, it would seem the rioters are satisfying a need to be as materialistic as their richer friends.

There is no contentment, there is lack of restraint, frustration, no conscience at all. Why? God has been forgotten. Right and wrong thrown to the dogs. One wonders why the same people impose rules on other states who are still seeking the direction of God.

If a leadership abandons God, the people being led follow suit. When the economy takes precedence in a man's affairs, his conscience surely departs.

I could have said more, but my opinion is, these riots show us that England has stopped teaching her children the values, ethics, morals that come from the knowledge of Our Maker.

There is a lack of godliness in England. How sad yet it was England that brought the knowledge of God to this country.

Alas.

Proverbs 14:34.

She wants a Chef

2011-07-27T15:33:00.002+03:00

When a man is looking to marry, there are certain things that never fail to appear on his "list of thing a good wife must have/know how to do". Here is a peak, and by the way, please do not go off saying this is some sexist gender biased post, it is not.

Great body
Well mannered
Educated mind
Amazing culinary skills
Better laundry skills
Good at handling money
God fearing
Good with children
................................(fill in)

The items are not placed in any particular order. However, this is my point, what if the women had a list too, how many of these would I tick ?

So she wants a chef...lol

Mind Your Business

2011-07-06T11:56:00.003+03:00

I woke up this morning needing refreshment. There are days we wake up and when we try to peek into the day, see a lot of discomfort, pain and anxiety. My heart was thirsty for it knew my soul was parched. Thoughts of anger, lack of motivation, unforgiveness, hatred and many other were stuffing all the good space in me. I was bound to have a bad day if I started it like this.

So, I decided to do what I knew would change the situation. I talked to Him. There is something about Him which is just so liberating .2Co 3:17 . Liberating in that, it frees you from those thoughts that make you want to feel like that's how life is, yet to Him, there is a more excellent way!

I did talk to Him. Released my heart. Spoke His Word. Maybe I let some anger go, some frustration, some tears. I needed to, I think.

Then as I read and thought about Him, it occurred to me that His only business was His Father's. He completely gave up His own desires, dreams, hopes, fantasies, and decided to go after only that which was in His Father's interest. Phil 2:5-9. John 14:24.

He did not ever caught up in wanting to be like His peers. Sure, he had peers. Some were married, some were fathers, some were wealthy business owners, some had repute. However, that was not His focus, not His interest. His interest was in pleasing His Father. Luke 2:49. John 5:30.

His mind was focused on pleasing His Father. He was about His Father's business. Not His own.

Strangely enough, even when He called two of His disciples, Simon Peter and Andrew, He said to them, Matthew 4:19. They would no longer continue in their vocation, or profession. They were no going to follow Him and do His will.

So why do we get discouraged, distracted, when living for the Lord? Why do we seek to live Bill Gates life, or Usain Bolt's life, or Chris Brown's life when our Lord specialised and his disciples did too?

We are not called to live the same life. There are those of us called like Christ Jesus to devote to the Father, and nothing else will work unless we do. Matthew 6:33. We are busy seeking other things before we have found the Lord, thinking they are the key to joy, peace, happiness , LIFE!.

Yes He does tell us to glorify Him in all we do. 1 Cor 10:31. Yet there are many of us who have told to only have one way to do so, and that is by living for Him, telling others about Him, doing what He asked us to do.

I pray to be the kind that shall mind my own business, by minding His business, just like Jesus Christ's only business was the Father's business.

God bless.

Baseline:

John 15:4,7 Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it remains in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me. If you abide in Me, and My Words abide in you, you shall ask what you will, and it shall be done to you.

Forbidden Memoirs

2011-07-04T22:21:00.006+03:00

They had not talked in a while. It was not abnormal. After all, she was a married woman. They were not supposed to be talking all the time; that used to happen when they were still both single, but now that she was married, she needed to talk to her husband more.

However, she was here and so was he. He said her name, "Michelle", she replied " "Ethan, it's been long." He asked her how she was and she said she was okay. Then proceeded to say how her life was grown up and that it was very scary. She had to take responsibility for her husband, and him her.

He thought that that was standard procedure and found it a non issue. She did not take his belittling of her situation lightly. She told him he did not understand and said it was a new experience, at the same time difficult. He smiled and thought it funny, that she was talking like this, after almost a year of marriage. However, he did not back down, maintaining it was her responsibility, she had to do her duty regardless of how she felt. After all, she made vows, she must have known what she was getting into.

Maybe she got a little angry, he did not know, all he could see were the words appearing on the screen as she typed.

She seemed not to mind as she told him how she'd not been feeling well. He sympathised. Perhaps had they been physically communicating, maybe he'd have offered an embrace, maybe. Maybe she'd have accepted it.

For some reason he asked her about a certain call she had made, and why she had hung up on him. At first, she could not exactly remember, but after some explanations she did. She had hung up because she was reminding him about a moment they had shared and that while she remembered everything very well, he seemed to have no idea what she was talking about.

It was a big deal to her. And although at the time he seemed to have no idea, it was a big deal to him as well. Later as she explained, he understood: it was the time they had that magical walk across the timeless bridge. That moment stayed etched on each others heart, as though joining them regardless of how far they had separated.

Nay, it was not the only thing. For from that moment, they followed a train of conversation remembering the good times they had shared in the past. He dared that she had forgotten a lot, but as she spoke, he discovered that she had not forgotten anything and that she treasured the memories as much as he did. She called them poignant memories. A troubling thing for a married woman to say.

At the moment, they failed to see it, but their hearts were leading them on. She did not want to give herself away, she could not make it explicit. She was married. What he saw on the screen next broke his heart. "I must have liked you some. I hang out with you, so much."

When chatting, silences mean a lot and he did not want to appear caught off guard. So he told her she was in denial she had liked him all along. She said maybe she had been in denial , but added, "I don't know how many guys I would have dated unnecessarily if it weren't for you."

What ensued was a conversation they had been avoiding for ages: The reason why they had ended up apart. He had needed to choose between her and God and that time. She never understood why. They had already chosen God. Why was he leaving her now? Why did he need to change Church? She had been brought here by him. It was everything she wanted and now after bringing her, he would leave her there? She explained to him, that at that time, she had not understood. For a moment it brought them apart. Only for a moment. However, that moment remained.

It was evident for now that perhaps some mistakes had been made, that perhaps some rash decisions were taken, that perhaps in another life, the surname she would be using would be his. In this life however, that had not been.

They both felt a deep sense of regret, because on the opposite sides of the screen were the people they were had been most comfortable with, the people they wanted to be with. Even when they spent ages apart, a single session of communication joined them instantly.

Michelle told him she had to leave and run some errands, so she excused herself and left Ethan alone in thought. But she was running away, again. Some things were hard to bear.

It was sad. Perhaps better they had not had this conversation. He realised she could have been his, and kept wondering why she had gone on with the wedding? Was it her family? Was it her friends? He would keep asking himself. And that he was learning all this now?

JBN

Amazing

2011-07-03T22:13:00.000+03:00

The LORD thy God in the midst of thee [is] mighty; he will save, he will rejoice over thee with joy; he will rest in his love, he will joy over thee with singing. (Zephaniah 3:17)

Amazing.

Sometimes Girls Are Just ....

2011-06-30T11:16:00.003+03:00

"It is not fair for one person to have that much power over another..." That is what somebody said regarding a boy/girl relationship. And yesterday I saw the truth in that statement. One of the few things that will make a man considerably weak and helpless and downright exposed, is his emotions for a woman.

"If you're a player out there sit your tail down and grow up..."

I am not writing from the view of a player, I am writing from the view of men who have discovered that the one worthwhile thing they can truly love is also the same thing that can make them truly abhor.

I do not know if I have the words to express what I want to express but, darn, sometimes girls just need to grow up.

There is an old tradition among women which goes along the lines of a guy doesn't love a woman who is "easy to get" and therefore meaning, never say yes to a guy the first time he asks you out. In other words, there is some unwritten rule that allows women to lead men on on the guise of proving if the guys really like them. So, they expect that the guy who doesn't take no for an answer really likes you, and the one who believes your no and moves on was just a joker.

I am not saying there is completely no truth in the above statement, however, over time, men are changing. After preaching the "no means no" gospel in the last century, women expect men not to practice what they have preached. No means no. Not wait.

I have met men who have taken the women at their word, honorable men who do not have time to engage their hearts in dangerous risk behaviour of maybes. They have received the no's albeit with a lot of heartbreak but have moved on, gone forward, left the women in their past.

So it is annoying when the same women come back and assault you with an unbelievable amount of attention trying to entice you back to what you have moved on from.

For some reason, men are taken to be beasts with hearts of steel. On the outside, maybe, but very few women know the thing a guy goes through to express his heart for a girl. A man is raised up to be strong, courageous, honorable and it seems to many men are more machine than human. That is not true.

The reason men seem to become machine is that they treasure their heart immensely and when one plays with it, the man, retrieves heart and guards it at whatever cost. Never wonder why crushes at school used to make men soft? That is a sacred part of a guy. Not saying it is not sacred for a woman too.

What I am saying is, girls need to grow up and stop thinking men are playthings you can remove from the closet whenever you feel like it.

A close friend shared with me how he was cruelly let down by a girl after almost a year of pursuit. She accepted the dates, received the gifts, as though everything was okay. Brother plots to make his true heart known and does so. Girl tells him she has heard and will get back to him as she has certain pressing things to do. Time passes and finally they meet. So, she decides to give him the answer, and the best way for her to do it was by saying, she has met someone she is more attracted to than him?!!!

Friend loses words, loses appetite, almost breaks down. His heart has been hit by a 2 ton boulder, and pressed against a 10 metre thick wall of concrete.

Well, if you don't like me like that, tell me so. Better yet, do not lead me on to think you may like me back like that. But what is worse is demeaning and devaluing a man by telling him there is a better guy you have met. That to me was cruel. Can easily make a man a player.

Another friend had a similar experience, he did not even drive home, he walked home. Grieved like he had lost a relative. The thing is , I do not think women take a man's pursuit in the same importance with which they treat their "in love" emotions. Want to break a man, (not a player), break his heart through a love for a woman.

You will know why Samson lost his hair and died a blind man.

Man can be wealthy, honorable, wise, but once you put a woman in the picture, all those things suddenly lose splendour. When a man loves a woman, believe me it is not a joke. I am not saying that means he deserves to be loved back just cause he loves seriously and solemnly.

I have a friend called Adler. She is a woman. She did not lead Sherlock on. From the moment she discovered he had feelings for her, she let him know she was not in the same mindset or "emotionset" and told him she would not lead him on but that they could be friends. Sher and Adler are one of the greatest examples of friendship I know. Why? There was mutual respect for each others feelings.

So, before you lead a guy on, girl, know that if you are joking about it, you may make a beast or a machine out of a man and so it is better to be wise enough and kind enough to let him know the truth early on before he gets over the moon.

Some people learn on the job, some people come already qualified. Whether you like a guy or maybe think you can learn to like him, why not be wise enough and let him know what is on the ground?

I think sometimes women/girls are just so selfish and cruel.

Baseline:
...does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 1 Cor 13:5

We are Hosea's Wife

2011-06-24T11:30:00.002+03:00

I just spoke silence with the seeker next to me
She had a heart with hesitant, halting speech
That turned to mine and asked belligerently
"What do I live for?"

I see the scars of searches everywhere I go
From hearts to wars to literature to radio
There's a question like a shame no one will show
"What do I live for?"

We are Hosea's wife
We are squandering this life
Using people like ladders and words like knives

If we've eyes to see
If we've ears to hear
To find it in our hearts and mouths
The word that saves is near
Shed that shallow skin
Come and live again
Leave all you were before
To believe is to begin

There is truth in little corners of our lives
There are hints of it in songs and children's eyes
It's familiar, like an ancient lullaby
What do I live for?

We are Hosea's wife
We are squandering this life
Using bodies like money and truth like lies

We are more than dust
That means something
That means something
We are more than just
Blood and emotions
Inklings and notions
Atoms on oceans

By Brooke Fraser

Why Grace?

2011-06-23T16:32:00.002+03:00

It's not that people cannot work for it, it's just that people will always want to do more, will always want to prove something, will always want to have one more star, their name in lights, on the silver screen...men will always need approval for their efforts.

Men can attempt to do right but at one point the line between doing right and motive for doing right will be lost. Sooner than later, you won't be giving because it is the right thing to do but rather because you want to receive applause for giving the bigger amount. Didn't the pharisees blow their own trumpets before they gave alms?

Righteousness can not be attained through our works, because somewhere along the way, superlatives will come into play.

Adam levelled the ground, out of him reduces us all to failure. Which is why we need grace. Grace demands no superlatives. Grace will take the best or the worst, the cleanest or filthiest. The shortest or tallest. The wisest or stupidest.

No need to pull rope trying to prove I am better than you. His blood makes us all acceptable.

Forget your goodness, your wealth, your wisdom, there are earthly merits. When it comes to God, the only merit is grace and faith in the Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.

God bless.

I am Your Everyday Academic -Emotional Christian

2011-06-19T21:24:00.003+03:00

I am an Academic -Emotional Christian. I am far from the Spiritual, Faith part of this walk.

I am moved by the Word of God, yes. I am moved by the Word of God only to the point of saying "wow", or "amen" or "this is so true", or "My God". Sure it moves me but not to the point where I actually want to make a difference:Where I know it is true but will not take the effort to make a change.
I am moved by the word of God. I am moved by the word of God but only through television, and in the e-mail devotional, Oh yes even on radio broadcasts. I catch snacks instead of "man shall not live by bread alone but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God" I limit the effect of God's word by demeaning it's importance in my life. I never have time for meditation, for study, for prayer, but have enough time for facebook, tetris, cards and FIFA10... I know, I've heard guys saying this before, but it's just no longer appealing.

I am able to recite John 3:16 , Jeremiah 29:11, Philippians 4:6,7, 1 Cor 2:9 but never willing to go further to John 3:17, 18, 19 , 20; Jeremiah 29:11 onto 18 and 19; Philippians 4:8 and 9; 1 Cor 2:8. I prefer what is emotionally appealing.

I am emotionally living and not living by faith. I love to not judge, but am quiet on correcting and discipline. I am quick to be "inclusive" at the expense of holiness and justice.

I am going to be held accountable for loving someone so right yet not enough to lead them to the cross. I think I will hurt their feelings by telling them God does not approve of how they live their life. I am scared of being called unloving, politically incorrect, unfeeling, inhuman, selfish, close-minded if I tell it like it is.

I am glad when I hear feel-good Christian music but when it gets preachy, I lower the volume. I dance at God is enough-Lecrae but slightly turn away when they play After the music stops by the same man. I am wary of reproof but rejoice at encouragement.

Yeah I love the Lord, I know he understands my addiction, my passion, my habit. I guess if He saw fit since He is sovereign to give me this "thorn", then He will take it away Himself. I am okay with how I am. I won't be bothered to grow in discipline after all He can take it away, His grace is sufficient. I have relegated the need to grow to the need to be accepted, the need to feel okay

I am academic, I know what's in the Bible, and I am emotional, I love to feel good inside. But going further addressing the spiritual?

Baseline:
¹² For though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you again the first principles of the oracles of God; and you have come to need milk and not solid food. ¹³ For everyone who partakes only of milk is unskilled in the word of righteousness, for he is a babe. ¹⁴ But solid food belongs to those who are of full age, that is, those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil. Hebrews 5. NKJV

John 6:63 It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh profits nothing. The words that I speak to you are spirit, and they are life. NKJV

⁶ For to be carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace. Romans 8. NKJV

Find me

2011-06-14T17:24:00.002+03:00

When it rains, let is wash
For my sins are upto my neck,
Regret down to my toes
Water, crystal clear, crystal clean
Wash away my sorrow.

When I let my eyes rove to the left ,
To the right;
Where is my shield, where is my name
Floating on this field creaking crumbling, very weak
Rain from above, wash away, wash away?

In a frenzy of uncertainty,
In a fury of doubt,
Ageless grace won't you find me
Direct me in your stream,
Carry me with your flow?

I don't know, I am scared
Sort of flipping, very pale,
What was clearing, some blurs more
I hate these shades,
Give me grace, no greys.

Risk Management

2011-06-10T22:57:00.002+03:00

Was reading up about risk management, trying to understand more about risk in business ventures. In short, it involves identifying the risk, assessing it and prioritising it. Risk is in simple terms an uncertainty of an objective- your plans could succeed or fail. There is no definite way to predict to the highest correctness whether the outcome of your actions will be a success and not a failure.

Somethings are more risky than others because of the value of loss involved. Chances are if you bet on Manchester United winning in a Champions' League Final against Barcelona FC, you will lose your money. Why? Manchester are not half as good as the Catalans. In such cases, the skill is measurable.

What about when it comes to unmeasurables, for example, a person's will?

In Economics, one of the reasons people buy yet they do not necessarily need to is because despite the measurable variables, humans are oft illogical and will sometimes be led by their hearts and not their heads.

Between the heart and mind, what would I choose? Tough decision, out of the heart the issues of life flow but with a dead mind, we make all the wrong decisions.

When it comes to a person's will and their emotions, risk management becomes impossible. No way to determine an outcome, no previous data, nothing at all. Which is why we have this thing called hope. Hope is a nice little animal that sees the glass as always half full. There is always something good to look forward to in its books. Our hearts for some reason decide to hope, when they do not, they draw back.

The WORD lets us know that faith is the substance of things hoped for. Faith without hope isn't faith. There needs to be a glass half full seen before one can believe it will be.

So, when our happiness depends on unclear circumstances, or a person's choice, we are left with hope, not even faith, just hope. For a man's will is theirs, and unless illegally bent by mind control, it is not subject to anyone else.

Can hope be perfected? So that despite the outcome, a man's heart fails not? I believe it can be.

Rom 5:5 And hope does not make us ashamed, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit given to us.

Risk management when dealing with free will? Hope. Especially when the love of God has been poured out in the heart through God's Holy Spirit. May there be comfort, refuge and restoration when things go bad, even when you hoped they would not. With these, hope and love, you can be like Joseph who endured his brothers' ostracism, prison, betrayal but still forgave.

You can be like David who though could have killed his enemy, turned from the evil act or above all, be like Emmanuel who forgave his assailants in the act of murdering him.

Hope you make sense of this.
Goodnight.

This is just for you.

2011-06-06T00:15:00.006+03:00

Strange but Sweet Love.

Laughter, smiles, voice
When all are yours,
Leave me utterly no choice
But to ask for more.

More time to hear, feel, love, look
"Don't go yet"
Fairy tale book;
Sweets, ...it might be flavoured fate.

Elixir of love?
Fuel of longing?
It is all I have
And I keep on hoping.

I could start now,
To open and fill these cherry pages,
But we're both asking how
Yet somehow the double-tip pen forward-edges.

Subtle, but strangely imposing
It stays like good wine in a cellar.
Two boats on a sea sailing,
You and I, dreams gone stellar.

Isn't it strange yet sweet, love?

Leaving May.

2011-05-29T23:27:00.004+03:00

Isn't it weird that it seems I always write an end of month post? Hmm...

May. Is going away.

I remember that as April came to an end, I thanked God for certain good things and hoped to do some new good in May. Well, the fifth month of the year is over and now we are crossing into the second half of 2011.

One. If there was actually a rapture and it took a select few, then I am in trouble. It means no more grace; this translates into getting what we deserve, earning our salvation, henceforth meaning we must all be on our best behaviour even after accepting the good Lord and Saviour. Not that we behaving badly was sanctioned before the rapture, but that after the rapture, there is no grace, no cover for your wrongs. Thank God Jesus is the picture of grace. Thank God for grace. With it, we can actually live a life pleasing to Him even when we are so weak (of course through faith- Eph 2:8)

Besides that, there are things I thought I would have done by the sixth month but the machinery for bringing them is taking its time. I am still patient though, because I have hope, I have a dream and will keep believing till I see these things come to pass.

Now, May has been particularly victorious. I was able to form a mutual benefit friendship with a very wise person and we are both reaping from the support we give each other. Iron sharpens iron, they say- cannot be truer. The Word says that two are better than one, one person puts 1000 men to flight, two people put 10,000 men to flight. So I am glad for the victories that are out of friendship that is honest and supportive.

However, scoffers were shouting very loudly in this month and for the past few days, I felt like I had no faith whatsoever! I was scared! Uneasy. Unhappy. Only for grace did I get the courage to pray and tell Him about it and already I am feeling better.

Love is funny. But it is beautiful too.

I am hoping for a June that is far greater in excellence than May. I know it is possible- I am believing and praying. May has been a testimony that God actually hears us when we pray and sends us the help we need.

Come June. You are already blessed.

Go with them two miles

2011-05-23T22:49:00.004+03:00

I don't want to sleep tonight.

I have a working day tomorrow notwithstanding.

I think the muse had plans for me tonight but must have forgotten to make up his mind along the way; and I just thought, maybe music comes from the word muse.

I like to remind myself- there is grace, and it has no greys. To remember that when it rains, all our sins are washed away. Grace is not a mystery, it is not in need of a thesis. Grace is precious like gold, yet common like the airtime vendor. Nothing complex about it yet it is very comprehensive....all our sins are washed away.

Well, when the grace of God is in your life, you realise quickly that you've been given a get out of jail free card and some others to give out. Isn't it strange when we fail to do the same for others, when we fail to mete out the grace poured upon us to others? Claiming how incredulous people can be yet that's what the "accuser" is always telling God about us?

I can be dumb. Allow me to express myself though, hoping to emulate King David in his sincerity.

I never thought I'd ever be stood up, at least since 2007. I thought I had a good understanding with the people I connect with in that if anything happens maybe I will get a call to warn me about the danger of being stood up. For example, if I am running late, be told so.

I did not think it too much to ask since I like to be the one keeping time most of the time, and since I have learned to wait. I once had to wait close to two hours for a meeting I had been invited to to start, in those two hours none of the "inviters" had showed up!

I do not think it too much to ask for a warning.

Anyway, on this day as I get to the venue, I receive a text announcing how the other party has already left. The party cites their reason for leaving as having been there earlier and the waiter giving strange looks.

Blank stares and disbelief follows. I go an extra step and call up other party. They promptly apologise and go ahead to hang up on a call I have made... Hmmm. This time laughter ensues. I decide I will not whine or complain so I turn my attention to other things.

Today though, this thought comes up because worse than being stood up is being left on a date, with the wine glass in your hand, or worse still with the ring still in the box.

And are those not the times it calls for grace? I have my failings, I agree but they have to do with relatives... relatives can be such a test... As for those we relate with by choice, certain actions can easily cause anger, disbelief, ire, etc... So, in consideration that we have done worse to God, can't we be more gracious to others in how we react to the wrongs they do us?

Jus saying.

Baseline
You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles. Matthew 5:38-41

Open letter and apology to my homosexual friends

2011-05-10T17:46:00.004+03:00

For the homosexual who may not be comfortable with his or her sexual conduct, I pray you give me ear.

For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God, being justified freely by His grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus; whom God has set forth to be a propitiation through faith in His blood, to declare His righteousness through the passing by of the sins that had taken place before, in the forbearance of God; for the display of His righteousness at this time, for Him to be just and, forgiving the one being of the faith of Jesus. Then where is the boasting? It is excluded. Through what law? Of works? No, but through the law of faith.
Therefore we conclude that a man is justified by faith without the works of the Law. Or is He the God of the Jews only, and not also of the nations? Yes, of the nations also, since it is one God who will justify circumcision by faith, and uncircumcision through faith. Do we then make the Law void through faith? Let it not be! But we establish the Law.
Rom 3:23-31

There is a debate going on about the passing of the Anti-Homosexuality Bill and it has generated a lot of anger from you. It seems like the intention of the Uganda Government and all in support of the Bill want to lock you up and let you rot in jail because of what you sanely choose.

Sorry for appearing like a self righteous bigot whose only estimation of you is that you should die. If that has been seen in the way I express myself I am sorry, I beg to rectify that image.
As a Christian, I take great comfort in knowing that I once was bound in hopelessness too, hating the thing I was doing but not seeming to stop doing it. I take great comfort in Jesus laying His life down for me so that I could receive His righteousness. I recognize when He reached out to me, I was a sinner to the core without hope and a child of His wrath because of my disobedience.

I learned that no matter how much I wanted to change, the law could not help me, it was but a shadow. It showed me the standard but did not really show me how to live to it. It never empowered me. In the same way, many of you feel like the Bahati bill cannot in anyway cause you to change, and that it in fact condemns you. It seeks not your welfare but your destruction. I understand how you feel. That is the work of the law. It shows perfection, rarely gives a solution.

The tug of war that seems to be going on between so called pro and anti has taken away much of the attention from the core issues I think we need to address. Yes, some of you seem to be in a circumstance you cannot control, but it is known there are others who have been oriented into that position.

While I agree the Bahati bill cannot work towards rehabilitation, it works especially against those who shamelessly do their acts in an aggravated manner. From my estimation of the bill, most of the focus is on aggravated homosexuality though it still addresses homosexuality in it’s “consentual” form. The aggravated form of it needs to be addressed, and in this case there are victims as well, who do not offer any consent and suffer.

I personally would like that a clause be included for those willing to change.

My beliefs may never meet with yours but I ascribe to rehabilitation. There are many who have changed their “orientation”, in which case I bring you to notice it is more about what you train your mind to accept rather than what you naturally feel.

I do not desire any of you perish. No, not in this life or the next. I pray that you may be able to see the grace of God available for you to change. Of course this only applies to those who see gay conduct as ungodly. There is help in God. No hope is lost.

God loves you, He seriously does, to the point He sacrificed His own son. Being gay is a choice, you can walk out of it, it is not God’s will.

I would like to say sorry for all the hate you seem to meet, sometimes we are misguided. In the end, my desire is we all may live righteous and uphold God’s holy law by the power that is given to us through Christ.

You can change.

Much love.

April's end.

2011-04-28T00:18:00.005+03:00

April has come to an end and several things have been happening in and around me.

I'm not participating in the walk to work protests not because I do not realise the inflation but because I recognise, walk to work is a sheep in wolf's clothing. Except the people who have been imprisoned, the young who have lost their lives needlessly, the property which has been destroyed- nothing good has come out of it. It is a platform where little known politicians are trying to get recognition, where those who have outlived their service and appeal are trying to regain favour, where the high use the low to their own ends.

However, that is not the only reason. I realise that I am not bound by the economies of the world being in this world but not of it. God says He shall supply my needs according to His riches in glory. And in this time, I realise that giving is better than receiving- that we should learn to share, learn to not hold back our hands but freely give, and our God is faithful- He loves a cheerful giver. I have learnt a lot about giving in this month and I know God is leading me into a place where I take giving opportunities just as seriously I would receiving opportunities.

You know how a street kid comes up to you and you have a programmed response to say you don't have? That should change- seeing as God gave us not because we deserved. Many of us like to qualify those we give, but that is not how God reached to us in His Son Jesus Christ. He gave regardless how we looked, how bad we were, how good we were- He gave. In this time of seeming inflation, perhaps learn to give, I am sure you will not regret it especially if it is with a cheerful heart.

I was able to complete the ten weeks new life class at Church and I am glad I finally did. After 3 or 4 years in this Church, I did get through that class and hope to go to the next level. It is not really about a certificate or accomplishing something but to me it is about being grounded and getting more involved in Church.

However even as I enjoyed the treasures of God, I had struggles too. I have gone through periods of Romans 7 where the good I want to do I do not, and the bad I would not do , I do. It is a classical sin that so easily besets. In my reading however, I discover that I need to reach the end of myself- I need to die. And yes I have been through this over and over but gracefully God keeps showing me I need to die. I need to reach the end of myself. I need to accept my blindness so Christ can give me sight. It is a struggle I wish I did not have but God is not wasteful. In everything He sees the opportunity to grow me and the things I have learnt from this struggle are invaluable.

As for the crushes I have now and again, this time I think I have learnt to value them less. I have learnt the art of the background study, the counting of the cost. Not making mountain of mole hills and it has helped.

Work. New challenges, my prayer is to rise up to them with inventiveness.

I am waiting for July, for a special reason. Will holla when the time comes.

I also saw my first play in a long time with a dear recently- The Twelfth Night- it was such a dreamy experience- as if I was in heaven. Loved every moment.

Friend of mine got married. Now I also want to get married. Why? Because I know it is possible. lol. Anyway, God knows how mine will happen.

Things I need to work on this month are giving and obeying. So help me God.

April Grace even, and admonition.

2011-04-13T00:00:00.004+03:00

April,

spring? Foot of mine! Ever since you came, I have been struggling to grasp myself. You're sending me the same ol earthquake and I keep crumbling with it.

I cannot seem to stop. Whenever I do, c'est juste pour un moment ! (Si c'est le français correct). Anyway, I hate to come here and just whine, so I am going to stop.

The thing about grace is this- the same way the sting of death is in sin, the effect of righteousness is grace. The fruit of sin is death (the child of sin is death), while the fruit of grace is righteousness (the one imputed unto us). Grace is receiving what we do not deserve, and this includes, justification, forgiveness, etc. Sin preempts God's righteous judgement upon the sinner but with Christ in the picture, the judgement falls (fell) upon Jesus.

However, it is not right for us to sin because we receive no judgement anymore from God. "Shall we then who have died to sin walk any longer in it?" (Rom 6:1-4) Rather, we are to consider ourselves dead to sin and walk in the good works prepared for us to do (Eph 2:10)

So why do we still sin?

We sin because we have two problems ever at hand- the mind and the flesh; in other words it could be referred to as one problem- the soul. Whereas our spirit is right with God, if it is not in agreement with the soul, it cannot effect itself on the flesh. We walk in the flesh, not in the Spirit.

According to Galatians-Gal 5:16-17 This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh. For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would.

The soul comprises our mind, will and emotions. Our flesh is the slave who is either to be led by the soul or the spirit. The problem we have is that our soul and flesh have been thoroughly educated in the ways of sin and self pleasure and therefore, only a thorough buffeting of the two can give us an upper hand.

My life as Christ follower is a process of no longer walking the way I used to. It starts with a willingness to obey and a desire to please God. Sans these two, we are bound to end up in circles of despair and disappointment. To this, we must purpose to devote ourselves to the renewal of our mind through the Word as well as not be empty by just knowing but not doing- knowledge should help us make better choices, better decisions. It ultimately trickles down from your mind to your actions. Mindless actions are like empty sacks. Mindful inaction is a sign of hypocrisy, pride and the whole lot.

How can God help us with ourselves? He has already.

He has given us all we need for life and godliness according to His divine power (2 Pet 1:3). It is upto us to do the right thing. So help us God do it.

Baseline:
That He would grant you, according to the riches of his glory, to be strengthened with might by His Spirit in the inner man; That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love, May be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height; And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God. Eph 3:16-19

Lady Gaga's "H-I-M"

2011-02-28T23:49:00.005+03:00

The number one song on the Billboard top ten is Lady Gaga's "Born this way". It's being top means it is getting extensive airplay on radio as well as on private players. She is delivering a message to the masses.

Gaga says, in the first line, that it does not matter if you love "him", and then goes on to say, "or capital H-I-M". In this statement, I would think, Gaga says, go ahead, you may or may not believe in "God" and then after that takes the opportunity to use "HIM" to justify certain things as I will highlight later.

She goes on to say that we were all born superstars; in essence that we were all born great and perfect. She adds and rides on the "HIM" factor by saying there is nothing wrong with loving who you are because "He" made you perfect, because after all "He" does not make mistakes.

Her chorus goes on to say that there is no other way, that we are born this way, that we are not a drag, that we are "queens", that it is okay to love ourselves the way we are. She says, that "a different lover is not a sin, believe capital H-I-M..." .

Lady Gaga is trying to kill your conscience.

She subtly tries to convince her listener that, in essence, God is not against you, and that He loves you the way you are and actually vetoes your nature, since He made you that way.

She does it subtly because she mixes truth with a lie and I am sure convinces many people that what she is saying is actually what God is saying too. Alas!!! God forbid.

The Bible clearly states, [Rom 3:10 as it is written: "There is none righteous, no not one; ] meaning, we are not born superstars. We are all born lost, in need of a saviour. The situation needs to change lest we perish.

The Bible also states that [Joh 14:6 Jesus said to him, I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life; no one comes to the Father but by Me. ] meaning there is only one way and that way is not you getting comfortable about your sin or what Gaga sells on her records in the name of "HIM". Further, it matters what you believe- God exists. What you believe shapes you. What you believe influences how you live. It determines whether you become an agent of destruction or an agent of good.

God is not the author of our sin. Why would He go to great lengths [John 3:16 For God so loved the world that He gave His only-begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.]to redeem us if He invented it? God makes no one a sinner [Jas 1:13-15 Let no one being tempted say, I am tempted from God. For God is not tempted by evils, and He tempts no one.
But each one is tempted by his lusts, being drawn away and seduced by them.
Then when lust has conceived, it brings forth sin. And sin, when it is fully formed, brings forth death. ]

God states clearly in His word His perfect law. It shows us what is right and what is wrong. There is a distinction. It's not alright to be gay because God says so. He even warns us against such a vice and how such people only perish. It is not because of hate but because of love that He even tells us.

We are not Kings or Queens, we have no glory of our own. Only those in Christ can be said to be a Royal Priesthood. Without Christ, all our goodness or glory is like dung. Paul a man of academic accomplishment after changing says [Php 3:8 But no, rather, I also count all things to be loss for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them to be dung, so that I may win Christ ].

The person Lady Gaga is making references to must not be confused with God, the God of Jesus Christ. No. God's word clearly differs from whoever this "HIM" is. I protest that God's name may be confused with this "HIM" and therefore cause legalism due to what she says.

I have not even analysed the entire lyrics but friends the little I have shows you how easy it is to exchange the truth for a lie. Lady Gaga is no prophet or oracle for God. The Truth is in the Word of God.[Joh 17:17 Sanctify them through Your truth. Your Word is truth. ] Gaga's word is not truth, it is a mix of lies. It is another attempt to deceive the millions blinded by music. It is sad, this song is already number one, playing in the ears of many children, many struggling with sin and unwanted urges, giving them the right to do bad in the guise of being good. There is one way to God, one Way, one Truth, one Life; Christ Jesus, not our own philosophies.

Careful what you listen to, careful what you let your children listen to. Careful, read the Word and be able to know truth and lie when you see it.

What we all need to know is, the only way is Christ- and He died, willingly laid down His life so that you may be set free from the power of sin. Accept Him and seek His Way. Sin is wrong, and good news is Christ dealt with it on the cross- [Eph 2:8 For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: ].

Take heed lest you be deceived and perish.

Dark Valentine

2011-02-14T10:07:00.005+03:00

Some pain learns to become a silent drone in the heart, pulsating with the cadence of the heart it becomes inconspicuous and almost innocuous since it nearly now takes the form of the heart.

Tots of poison seeped through imperceptibly, unbeknown and slowly imbued the system. Formerly red now turning green, green blood filled with bitterness and sorrow from betrayal and disappointment.

She now turns to him, fang faced and sinks her teeth.

The green is pervading his system too ... the green threatens his very nature for it violently throws him into the water and the fire. Like a mad man, he shouts, spits, foams at the mouth...

I would hate and lament but the poison is pushed back... vomit, green on the ground.

I just can't be that man.

Baseline:

and hope does not disappoint us, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit which has been given to us. Romans 5:5 (RSV)

Cold Rain

2011-02-09T10:08:00.002+03:00

We interrupt our regular programming to bring you the following. For everyone in pain, everyone suffering guilt, suffering condemnation, for whoever is sad today, this is yours.

Cold Rain

Many never notice how the sun brings the rain-
Burying their heads in the sand,
Ignoring the pain.

Hot rays burn our peace still subtle,
Unseen dumb throbbing
Converging up in the sky.

And they rise while churning
Brewing a cold meal,
Unseen activity warming a dark chill.

They invite Nim over
Concealed in a tanned curtain,
And once he takes his seat
Fears start to become certain.

And the rain falls down
Soaking our linen skin,
Finally we can feel it-
Raw pain cold on our skin.

Baseline:

Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer. From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe. I long to dwell in your tent forever and take refuge in the shelter of your wings. (Psalm 61:1-4)

It's a sign!

2011-02-01T12:51:00.005+03:00

Welcome fellow lovers, to the month of February. To the men, it is well with her soul if you have always treated her as a Princess. See, if you plan only for the 14th day, she will look right through you and judge you as such a crowd-pleaser. However, for the man who has taken care to as a lifestyle say those words, write the letters, take the long walks, buy her the blingey...rest. You have nothing to prove, just be yourself.

February started with rain! What a blessing! The blessing is no different from the one of sunshine when you learn to look at things as Paul does

Phil 4:11 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

and so we thank God for the rain and the sun.

More so, the rain reminds me so much of God's grace (and the Adler). You see with the sun, people need not do anything to receive it; it just shines. Unlike the faith required for grace where you either stay and get wet, take out the pail and collect, with the sun it is is not so much like that. So I think of it often.

Friend, like the rain, the grace of God is limited edition . The stock will run out. God's grace depends on availability of life. Once one's life expires, you have missed all the promises, all the love, all the safety, all the comfort, all the goodness, all the riches of His grace. Grace can be so easy to miss because it is right there where you are. We procrastinate, become defensive, and all sorts of things just because we know the grace is available.

God's grace is not limited to your lifetime, after you go, after I go, it will be here but it is most relevant to you who are here, breathing. The rain is falling, take this chance! Come on get wet, take out the pail! Engage your faith!

To me the start of February is a reminder of His love and grace. He knows we need the rain and will ever supply it, even if it takes months. And there I was thinking, what do people in the deserts do? They go to oases, they irrigate. When the rain falls, they never take it for granted. They use every bit of it! And that's the way to go. Grace is here while you are here. Get wet.

As for the lovers, Rom 5:8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. There is no greater love than when one lays down his life for a friend. How are you laying down your life for the people you say you love?

Baseline:
"Hallelujah, every breath is a second chance"

Get wet.

2011-01-31T08:32:00.004+03:00

Another rain post?

Before I met the Adler, rain to me was a kill joy, an unnecessary occurrence that spoils plans and makes making babies easier. Rain was only needed when it was necessary. It was welcome in the night to enhance sleep but unwanted in the day for it would just cause unnecessary hustle.

The Adler loves the rain and at first I thought it was weird that anyone would choose the rain over the sunshine. She did not love the rain because it caused her to sleep, or because she did not want to wash, no....she just loved the rain. There was a fascination she had with the rain and with time I sort of caught onto this love for the rain.

We do not pick times for the rain to fall. The rain falls on its own accord. There have been many whose past two "christmases" were vitiated because the rain fell on the "wrong" day. Night or day, public holiday or not, when it falls, embrace it.

God's rain is falling. And Arsenal keep on scoring.

See, in God's world, Arsene Wenger is a much better manager than Mourinho. Why? Wenger does not look for the stars. He does not seek out or compete to make the big signings which everyone else is dashing after. Wenger goes for those who can grow, those who have room to learn, those who are not proud.

Luke 5:31-32 Jesus answered them, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. 32 I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.”

Jesus came to seek out the Wilshere's and Fabregas's and the Djorou's and the Koscielny's and the Sagna's. If you consider yourself a Cristiano, a Rooney, a Drogba, there's no room for you on the Arsenal squad.

God loves those who are not afraid of getting into the rain; those who know their dirt can only be washed away by it. If you're able to play under Wenger, you're ready to play under Christ. The rain falls and only those who are not afraid of getting wet can get clean.

So, before I met the Adler, rain never really caught my fancy but after her, rain has a pleasant feel to it. And more so, because the rain reminds me of the grace of God. The grace that falls free.

The rain is falling; get out and play. Get wet. Get clean.

Can you handle the truth? When the rain falls (Part 2)

2011-01-29T18:32:00.006+03:00

Previously I talked about grace and how it can be likened to the rain which falls upon all of us. Sorry to say, there has been a scarcity of rain lately but that does not hinder the graces of God. Take as an example, the favour and grace of God upon Egypt during the time Joseph was alive; God spoke to Pharaoh through a dream and foretold seven years of plenty notwithstanding the seven years of famine that would come after. It took the grace of God to present Joseph as the man who would have the wisdom to save some of the food in the years of plenty for use later during the famine. (Gen 41:33-36) By faith, Pharaoh appointed Joseph as governor (Gen 41:39-40) and kept the land in plenty.

So, can you handle the truth?

Truth must be eaten as a whole. No one should take sides of the truth and claim it as the whole truth. Gird your loins here, this article is about to get messy.

Rom 2:4 Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, forbearance and patience, not realizing that God’s kindness is intended to lead you to repentance?

We know God as a God of forbearance, and love and mercy. Many, if not all of us, sorely depend on these qualities of God to get through our regrets and guilt and bad consciences. We have exercised great faith in accepting these qualities of God and thank God that He is such a God lest we be found without hope.

It is a relief that God is merciful but it is a fearful thing that God is just.

I need not look elsewhere in judging myself. I know that I have the capacity to do great evil. Lecrae posits "I notice when people notice me, my exterior is the only way they know it's me..." Do not be deceived, "For what man knoweth the things of a man, save the spirit of man which is in him?..." (1 Cor 2:11). You will never know that I battle with doubt, greed and lust, unless I tell you. I have had and still have issues.

None of us is good. I wish we would all stop trying to pretend that we are "innately" good. Rom 3:10 (Amp) says "As it is written, None is righteous, just and truthful and upright and conscientious, no, not one." We all need God's rain.

It becomes a snare in today's world when we make distinctions in goodness. The Bible is very clear on many social issues today but I wonder why we are still contentious about them. In today's Uganda, it is better to eat government money with others than eat it alone. It is an excuse for entry level corruption when there is top level corruption(- Corruption is a sort of deceipt and gluttony and greed and selfishness). However, with much searing of our consciences we now make excuses and declare one's sin is greater and therefore God can handle it. In God's eyes, when you commit one sin, you break the whole law! You are as good as an adulterer, murderer, (I use this because we think these to be greater sins- not to be misunderstood, they have greater consequences but still are a breaking of God's law).

Homosexuality is a touchy concept in the world today because here we say, if something is consensual, then it does not concern others. I rather talk about something else for fear of criticism but here are more of my cents. If we accept God is love and forgiving and merciful, why is it hard to accept He is just as well? He has made it clear to us, homosexuality is wrong as is lying and cheating and stealing, downloading songs without paying for them, etc (1 Cor 6:9-10) and that whoever sows in these will reap from them. (Gal 6:7-8)

I am judging myself here, I have committed all those sins, however, I have not found comfort in continuing in them, so I take out my pail and collect the rain. This is the call of God, that we repent. We cannot give excuses to God about sin, He has all the solutions and has made them known to us. Repentance is not confessing one's sins, there is a difference. Repentance can be one's entire lifetime but it involves a contrite heart and a willingness to change plus a dependence on God to effect that change. Confession on the other hand can easily pass for lip service.

When we darken our hearts and sear our consciences it becomes harder to separate truth from lies but like the Bible says, we reap what we sow. This piece goes out to all of us. We all struggle with sin. I am no better than a homosexual in God's book when I keep on stealing, lying, cheating etc. To me, a proud gay person is like having someone proud of being a murderer. Why? There is no concession that what we are doing is wrong and that we need to change. However, make no mistake there is no distinction, -

1 Tim 1:9-10 (NIV,2011) We also know that the law is made not for the righteous but for lawbreakers and rebels, the ungodly and sinful, the unholy and irreligious, for those who kill their fathers or mothers, for murderers, 10 for the sexually immoral, for those practicing homosexuality, for slave traders and liars and perjurers—and for whatever else is contrary to the sound doctrine.

Fear not, the struggle will never be won by your own attempts.

20For no person will be justified (made righteous, acquitted, and judged acceptable) in His sight by observing the works prescribed by the Law. For [the real function of] the Law is to make men recognize and be conscious of sin [[a]not mere perception, but an acquaintance with sin which works toward repentance, faith, and holy character].

21But now the righteousness of God has been revealed independently and altogether apart from the Law, although actually it is attested by the Law and the Prophets,

22Namely, the righteousness of God which comes by believing with personal trust and confident reliance on Jesus Christ (the Messiah). [And it is meant] for all who believe. For there is no distinction,

23Since all have sinned and are falling short of the honor and glory [b]which God bestows and receives.

24[All] are justified and made upright and in right standing with God, freely and gratuitously by His grace (His unmerited favor and mercy), through the redemption which is [provided] in Christ Jesus,

25Whom God put forward [[c]before the eyes of all] as a mercy seat and propitiation by His blood [the cleansing and life-giving sacrifice of atonement and reconciliation, to be received] through faith. This was to show God's righteousness, because in His divine forbearance He had passed over and ignored former sins without punishment.

26It was to demonstrate and prove at the present time ([d]in the now season) that He Himself is righteous and that He justifies and accepts as righteous him who has [true] faith in Jesus.

Rom 3 (Amp)

I reiterate: the rain is falling, take out your pail!

Baseline:Rom 2:4 Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, forbearance and patience, not realizing that God’s kindness is intended to lead you to repentance.

When the rain falls, take out the pail! (Part One)

2011-01-20T13:08:00.002+03:00

Believe it or not, there was a time when National Water & Sewerage Corporation did not exist. So, there were no pipes, pumps, taps, toilets, tanks and the kind. Water was made available through the rain, or via streams, rivers and lakes. You did not have the luxury of going to the sink to open the water. So you needed to either go to the well, the spring, the river, or whatever place had clean water to help you in your nutritional and hygienic needs.

Water is a utility, and the fortunate have easy access to it. Once you have the plumbing done, you can have the good men from NWSC connect you to their reserves. From then, it becomes a matter of paying your bill as you open the tap whenever you need to.

However, as I was saying before, there was a time when there was no NWSC. ALL of us had no easy access to water. The methods we used were the same except of course the men dressed in purple robes. They had servants at their beck and call. Nonetheless, we needed to do the same thing to get water.

The most basic way of getting water is through the clear drops of rain from above. Back in the day, when it rained, you would take out all possible containers and place them on the veranda so that you would harvest as much water as you could for your personal use. If there were holes in your roof you would place the containers inside the house to make that harvest so that it would save you a trip to the well or wherever you needed to go for the water if it had not rained.

In the era of NWSC, when it rains, we prefer to be inside our houses, a car or have a jacket and umbrella on. No one wants the wet drops on his skin. No one even puts a bucket or pail outside to harvest lest they do not have NWSC services.

When it rains, it rains on all and we all can take out our pails and harvest it, so that we may bathe and brush and have water to drink. This is the grace of God; that it rains upon all of us. When it rains in Ntinda, it rains upon all of Ntinda. The rain is not choosy, it does not discriminate. It falls, upon the good, the bad, in fact even upon the ugly and the weird. It will fall on the bungalow and the shack, upon the murram and the tarmac.

Such is the goodness of God’s grace. However, the rain alone is useless if we do not take out the pails and buckets and whatever it is to trap the rain. See, God’s grace is amazing because it has no limits however, without faith, His grace goes to the drain [or the swamp ;)].

We have all sinned and fallen short of God’s glory but are justified freely by His grace through the redemption in Christ Jesus(Rom 3:23,24). We are however, not saved by His grace alone. We are saved by grace THROUGH faith (Eph 2:8). The rain is a gift, but we need to take out the pails to receive it.

All mankind has been forgiven. That there is God’s grace. In God’s eyes, a homosexual and a liar are pretty much the same. His grace is available for both. The difference is, will you take out the pail? Will you receive His mercy? His love? His kindness? His forbearance?

Make no mistake, living it good does not mean you are innocent.

Rom 2:4 Or despisest thou the riches of his goodness and forbearance and longsuffering; not knowing that the goodness of God leadeth thee to repentance?

It is raining, it’s been raining long. Will you take out the pail? Grace is available. Will you engage your faith?

The truth you may not have heard is

2Co 5:19 whereas God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not imputing their trespasses to them, and putting the word of reconciliation in us.

So this is what I is saying- use your faith. Enjoy God’s grace.

Gone in 60 Seconds....with Nevender Neva Nev

2011-01-14T09:21:00.006+03:00

"Kawuna" is back and Ug Girl just tapped me. Have fun with the interview and when you get to the bottom, look for your name and continue with the tagging.

1. What did you want to be when you were growing up?

They actually brought some forms in 1996 to our school asking us what we wanted to be when we grew up. I wonder where they took those forms? They should bring them back to us and we laugh!! ...Okay, I too wanted to be a Doctor.

2. What’s the best piece of advice you have ever been given?

To trust Jesus Christ to be my Lord and Saviour.

3. What’s the best piece of advice you ever gave?

Would not know.

4. What do you most enjoy about your job?

Creativity. Ah, just being able to express myself the way I know how.

5. Who would you most like to have dinner with?

Right now it is Andrew Wommack. I would learn so much. If you had asked me 2 weeks ago I would have said the name of a girl.

6. What has been your most embarrassing moment?

Seriously? I'm not saying it here...... Okay there are two. 1. Very quiet class, then an abrupt sound and then eyes on me....tihihi. 2. Entering the S.3 class after I knew every girl in the class had known about my failed heart conquest. Again, all eyes on me.

7. Who is the most important person in your life?

The Word.

8. What’s your worst regret in life?

I wish I had never seen those pictures.....

9. Who is your role model?

I do not have a role model. However, I have people that inspire me : Andrew Wommack, my mother, father, Paul ma brother, Monica my aunt, every person that is happily married.

10. If you could be one person for a day, who would that be?

Joel Benjamin Ntwatwa, as God has destined him to be; and then I would be him for all life.

Alright, a few tags. Dorene, Hellen, The Rising Page, Sleek, mILLY carry this on.

Are you self conscious?

2011-01-10T09:21:00.004+03:00

"Mirror mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?"

Ever considered the mirror may tell you lies? I heard a man last week say, you have actually never seen your face. Never. No matter how many times you look into the mirror or go to Do.Li.Co., you have never actually seen your face, face to face. You rely on the mirror and the lens to let you look at your face.

What gives you confidence? Is it the way you look, the way you feel, the way you smell, the way you talk, the way you dress or the way you walk? Is it where you walk, where you eat, where you sleep, where you dance, where you drink? Is it your wife, your husband, your child or children, your boyfriend, your girlfriend, your clique, your parents, your workplace, your Church?

Many of us will probably look at the above and say yes to a lot of the options placed. To feel alive, to feel loved and important, a great deal of us have learnt and mastered the art of placing confidence in the things our senses can [sense?].

The mirror tells you you are beautiful and you believe it. Your bank account number tells you you are rich and you believe it. It is so easy to believe everything you sense. Those things your physical body understands are what you believe the most.

However, do we ever think to notice how strong the power of words are? The spoken unseen. "Behold, we put bits in the horses' mouths, that they may obey us; and we turn about their whole body...Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasteth great things. Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindleth!" [James 3:3,5].

A word of disapproval from a friend can cause depression, a word from a lover can cause happiness. The spoken unseen has such great power over the felt unseen. In the same way you respond to the things you can see, feel, touch etc, there are also things you cannot sense. These are the things which matter the most to people. For example, "Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife. " [Prov 21:9], and "Better a dry crust with peace and quiet than a house full of feasting,^a with strife." [Prov 17:1].

We so often focus on the things that bring us physical comfort and forget that we need to also focus on the unseen. Words have a lot to do with this. Many beautiful women so often doubt it coz one man they esteemed said they were ugly. Or a wise man was told by a fellow that he was foolish. So easy to be moved by words.

Self consciousness is many times a product of our own self examinations, rather a a product of external evaluations. Many times this consciousness goes on to affect the person's confidence in life and other things. Words are important in treating this.

Moreso, the word is important. In His word is life, and health. In God's word is the true you. Your mirror may lie, your friends may lie, your enemies may scorn, so many will tell you stuff. However, at the end of the day, at the end of your life, it is the word of God that matters. It went forth before you did. It is what we need to believe first before we believe any thing else.

Are you self conscious? Dear, be not. Be Christ conscious. Be conscious of what he says about you, of what he did for you. He saved you, redeemed you , forgave you, put you above all things with him. He is life. His words are Spirit and they are life. LIFE!! Friends life! If you believe anything today, let it be what He says about you not what other people say.

Baseline: For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. [Jeremiah 29:11]

Rich man problem.

2011-01-03T09:44:00.005+03:00

There is a certain rich man mentioned in the Bible said to be customarily clothed in purple and fine linen, and who fared sumptuously every day. Purple and fine linen spoke of wealth and comfort therefore it meant, this man was living the proverbial "good life".

To many of us, the "good life" is a thing which pertains entirely to the physical, that is, good living means all your physical comforts are in place. More and more each day, new inventions are in place to increase convenience. When the conveniences are poked at, then there is a problem.

The travel upheaval during December took a toll on many, here in Uganda you can hear loud jeers when power goes when people are watching their favourite soap or program on t.v.

Good living is a pursuit. "You ain't lived yet till you drive your own car. You ain't lived yet till you own your piece of land. You ain't lived yet till you got your own company." We want to live easy and comfortable.

Now, this rich man we are talking about apparently has no name. Some attribute it to the fact that this is a parable and not a real character, others think it is a grace for all who would consider themselves in the same bracket.

Anyway, what about this rich man? This rich man is as I have said living the good life, however, at his gates is a beggar who seeks to survive by the crumbs that fall from the rich man's table. Dogs lick his wounds.

This beggar's name is Lazarus- in His parables, Christ rarely gives people names, perhaps this was a real occurrence?

Later, the two die. The rich man ends up in hell with torment and Lazarus in Abraham's bosom. Abraham's bosom is a term used by Jews for heaven since their "Father" is Abraham, they hope to be with him when they die, for it is known he was a man with God's favour and grace upon him.

The rich man is suffering and begs that Abraham send Lazarus to cool him with some water, albeit it being a drop from the tip of his finger. Abraham's response is that since the rich man had his good things in his lifetime and Lazarus his pain, it was now time for the first to be the last, the tormented to be the comforted and the comforted to be the tormented.

Moreover, he continues to say that even if that were possible (the temporary quenching of thirst), a great chasm existed between the two and no one could move to and fro.

The rich man is in so much despair that his focus changes to his family. He asks that Lazarus would go to his five brothers and testify to them lest they end up in the same place. What change of focus, what love he seemed to have now. He cared that his family would be saved if not him.

Abraham tells him that Lazarus need not go for they have the prophets and Moses. Interesting to note that there was no excuse for the brothers for they had the Word. God's voice had gone out through Moses and the prophets and they should have paid attention.

The rich man insists and says that if one from the dead were to speak to them, they would repent. As though prophetically, Abraham affirms and says " And he said unto him, If they hear not Moses and the prophets, neither will they be persuaded, though one rose from the dead."

And this is exactly what we have today. That though Christ died for our sins, though He lived a spotless life, though through faith in Him we can have the righteousness of God, many of us still doubt and refuse to believe. He was that Lazarus who even though he had gone back to the rich man's brothers to testify, they would not have believed.

The good life maybe the world's top priority now but the God life is what God would want us to have. Selflessness instead of selfishness, humility instead of pride, pro-action instead of turning a blind eye, love instead of hate, giving more than receiving.

1Ti 4:8 For bodily exercise profiteth little: but godliness is profitable unto all things, having promise of the life that now is, and of that which is to come.

Is there a Lazarus at your gate? In your house? At your school? In your work place? Do not go the path of the rich man even though you may have things like him. "...for a man's life consisteth not in the abundance of the things which he possesseth." (Luke 12:15) Fear not, for I am listening to this sermon myself.

Hopefully we can listen to the Lazarus who died, and rose again; Jesus Christ. Amen.

(Story is from Luke 16:19-31)

Baseline: Mat 23:26 Blind Pharisee! First cleanse the inside of the cup and of the dish, so that the outside of them may be clean also.

The First Word.

2011-01-01T17:08:00.005+03:00

In the beginning was the Word.

What better thing to be reminded of at the start of the new year than the fact that His Word is there even before anything else. Before we make plans and resolutions His Word is there. Before every thing else happens, His Word is there and since He is His Word, He is there.

I cannot stop marveling at the wisdom and grace of God. He is so good that, He goes before us. It says in Hebrews," ...where the Forerunner has entered for us, even Jesus, having become a high priest forever after the order of Melchizedek. " (6:20) What this piece of scripture is talking about is the promise of God and how He swore by Himself He would bring it to pass. This provides a hope for us- the writer of Hebrews calls it - an anchor of the soul, both sure and steadfast, and which enters into that within the veil, (6:19). The veil refers to that most Holy place where no man must approach God without a High Priest.

However, Christ becomes our High Priest and becomes our forerunner. He goes in before us to make sure there is no enmity anymore. Even as the new year starts, Christ is our forerunner. He has taken upon Himself every possible thing that can keep us from having a relationship with God, thus we can enter the most Holy Place.

The Word, is crucial. Knowing God's word improves relationship with God, both literally and metaphorically. In the beginning was the Word. It (He) sets the standard for everything, it paves the way, it builds the house, it is the foundation. It is like starting a car's ignition, if you do not start it, nothing else will work.

It does not only cater for your soul, it works for your physical too. In God's Word is found wisdom, sobriety, hope. I thank God for being reminded at the start of the year to make the Word of God the first thing, that is , the foundation. I trust that with the Word (Christ) constantly at the fore of everything in your life, you shall be blessed. Not only this year, for surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life.

Baselines:
Joh 1:1-5 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things came into being through Him, and without Him not even one thing came into being that has come into being. In Him was life, and the life was the light of men. And the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not overtake it.

Happy New Year Uganda.

2010-12-31T20:37:00.001+03:00

I did not stop blogging

2010-12-18T20:24:00.003+03:00

There's a happy tune playing in my head- Ayiesha Woods' "Never". There's a retro peace about it that makes it nice to listen to. And it's not just the tune, the message reminds us that God will never give up on us regardless what we've been told or have heard.

Well, seems my last blog post gave the wrong impression. Whereas it noted the demise of the purple heart, it did not mean Nev generally stopped blogging. On the contrary; I intend to continue blogging as far as God can let it. Sadly though, I have not been too well thus the "scarcity" of posts but like I said, by grace I hope to continue posting.

This is Christmas season and hopefully we are all gearing up to spend some quality time with family. Let's face it, to many of us regardless how great our friends are, family are the closest we have in terms of relationship. It is not uncommon to find mothers and aunts in hospital rooms taking care of their sons and daughters whilst their friends come in only once in a while.

Your family is a gift. This Christmas, give them something back. They love you no matter what. And if they do not, why waste love, love them.

Switchfoot remark in one of their songs- "love is the final fight". If you find it hard to love someone, that is a worthy challenge-learning to love them. I know... I am doing my fair share of fighting but when love comes easy-treasure it.

See you on Christmas, for now, let me enjoy what's left of my birthday. Much love guys.

Fly free in God's love and grace.

Nev, your Nevelator

Demise of the Purple Heart

2010-12-05T20:11:00.003+03:00

Legacy:the dream of many a legend.

Excuse my lack of eloquence, I am taking baby steps again given how long it's been since I last blogged. I will take it one step at a time.

It is innate, that every man longs to leave a legacy- some sort of thing to remember him by, something worthy of being recorded, someway to carry his life forward even after he dies.

Books, sons and daughters, companies, are some way of preserving legacy. Sometimes, legacy cannot be touched, it comes in form of heroism, villainy.

I hope I do not confuse any of you. This is a death announcement. The prevention of legacy. There will be no more purple heart after this post. This is the end, the realisation that Nevender must rise again. PH, the bitter, sour man has died and Nev shall now live.

Where am I heading?

Heard of alter ego? Laughable really. Sasha Fierce, Slim Shady etc? Well, it explains a lot about our nature. Trying to be good and bad at the same time and get away with it.

The nature of man is pretty straight forward and there need be no research concerning who we are. Men say that sometimes a man is born good and other times he is born evil. That it is not upto anyone but that that is the way one is. Is it really?

Judas Iscariot can be regarded the worst of men because he was not only greedy, his greed led to the death of a not just a good man but the God man- the messiah. Maybe he was born bad. So then, should bad men have a conscience after a lifetime of "badness"? Consider

"Then, Judas, who betrayed him, when he saw that Jesus was condemned, felt remorse, and brought back the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priests and elders, saying, "I have sinned in that I betrayed innocent blood" (Matthew 27:4)

A bad man felt remorse. In this very sense it means there was something close to good in him.

Paul explains this nature very well

Rom 7:19 For what good I desire, I do not do. But the evil I do not desire, this I do.

It is easy to do bad. Without restraint, man can do very bad all by himself. It is easy to be angry, hateful, resentful. Most of this has the foundation of selfishness, needing to please oneself before anyone else.

Purple heart is a case study. Disappointment gave rise to this (blogger)man/ supposed alter ego and the need to be defiant gave him nourishment. However, where light is, shall no darkness be.

Men use rules to try and keep their evil nature under control. It is actually the grace of God which gives us that ability- innately it is that conscience which differentiates good from evil, and externally it is the law of God presented in the Torah. Having a conscience and knowledge of God's law however does not give one the ability to do good. It only presents a choice. It is like being given a mirror. A mirror cannot change you.

Praise God then:

Rom 8:10 And if Christ be in you, the body is dead because of sin; but the Spirit is life because of righteousness.

But be aware:

Gal 5:17 For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would.

And take heed:

Gal 5:16 This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.

Rom 6:6 Knowing this, that our old man is crucified with him, that the body of sin might be destroyed, that henceforth we should not serve sin.

For freedom to serve God, man must die. Not physically, but spiritually. Death to me has a new meaning- it is the ultimate humility. If we can kill our flesh, we have given ourselves over completely to God- totally dependent on God. This is why my old (blogger) man is gone. Purple heart is dead. It is a realisation that one must not always think to please himself, to vent ( yes, even doing it on blogger is an issue.) as if he deserves anything. We come into this world with nothing, we go out of it with nothing, how can we say we deserve anything?

One more thing before I go, our natural man has issues I mean look what God says

Gal 5:19 Now the works of the flesh are clearly revealed, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lustfulness,

Gal 5:20 idolatry, sorcery, hatreds, fightings, jealousies, angers, rivalries, divisions, heresies,

Gal 5:21 envyings, murders, drunkennesses, revelings, and things like these; of which I tell you before, as I also said before, that they who do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.

It would do you and I good to read the whole of Galatians 5 and make sense of this issue. Be blessed.

Baseline: Gal 5:24 But those belonging to Christ have crucified the flesh with its passions and lusts.

Singular.

2010-10-16T18:32:00.002+03:00

" I know that you care for me genuinely", she said. It was true, I did. It was also true that she cared for me. It was a blessing from God when our paths crossed again, 9 months later, it remains beautiful.

Final Announcement- BASIC Vision XP

2010-10-08T00:17:00.003+03:00

You're welcome.
Faculty of Technology,
Makerere University
Conference room.
New building, ground floor.

BASIC Family's Vision XP

2010-10-04T00:53:00.002+03:00

Simply put, you're invited.

Faith. Family. Fun

Doctor's words. Truth.

2010-10-01T08:22:00.007+03:00

People make up so many conjectures and have so many positions about Christ Jesus. However, much as Christianity, theology may look grand things, they really are not. They are simple, for the base people of the world as well as the high.

I am not engaging in psychological or philosophical or scientific debates. I am only going to admit what I know.

Jesus Christ said this about himself at the start of his ministry- "The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; he hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised,To preach the acceptable year of the Lord." (Luke 4:18,19)

God's priorities are so much unlike ours- He cares to bring hope [good news] to the poor, to heal those whose hearts are broken, to preach deliverance to the captives, opening eyes of the blind, freedom to the bruised, to proclaim God's best. Us on the other hand, place priorities on things like career success, pleasure, comfort etc...

The Bible shows us a lot about the people He is most interested in- the poor in spirit,they that mourn,the meek,they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness,the merciful, the pure in heart,the peacemakers, they which are persecuted for righteousness' sake (Matthew 5:3-12).

God loves the man who knows he needs help. The parable of the Pharisee and Publican show Christ's attitude to pride and humility. These two men were both in the temple, before their God. The Pharisee was very proud of himself, his "righteous achievements", he told God how he used to carry out righteousness in his acts and even compared himself to the other man- the Publican. The Publican knew he had an issue- he was a sick man, needing help and even confessed while beating his chest " God be merciful to me a sinner." He did this standing afar off, and not even lifting his head.

What was Christ's response? "I tell you, this man went down to his house justified rather than the other: for every one that exalteth himself shall be abased; and he that humbleth himself shall be exalted."

The sick seek out a doctor. The doctor loves to seek them out too. "They that be whole need not a physician, but they that are sick."(Luke 19:12) None are whole. So all need a doctor but those who fail to see they need help will eventually perish at their own indiscretion.

Christ is straightforward. He loves people. He loves the world. He loves the sinner. However, He is just. He never minces words, He gives you the whole shebang.

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.
He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.
And this is the condemnation, that light is come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil.(John 3:16-19)

He is not afar. He is not very complex. He has a part of Himself you can actually see and understand. Much as we may bring up arguments, I go back to the Bible. What it is to me is Word. Life. It is the refreshing, not like the refreshing which is exhausting, but real refreshing which brings peace. I have been able to partake of this.

Why don't you?

Baselines.
All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness: That the man of God may be perfect, thoroughly furnished unto all good works.(2 Timothy 3:16-17)

For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any two edged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart. (Hebrews 4:12 )

(King James Version)

Plight of the World.

2010-09-30T09:22:00.003+03:00

You know the plight of us; all the pains and the strains that this life covers
Things never go right, it's the gripe of us
It's like life came and took all the life from us, from us
Was supposed to go this way, hearts cold from coast to coast this days
Full of hope and nope it's gone, this grave
We need light and life to come invade
This cold world ain't nice to us
We so blind like the sights took our sight from us
I know you heard it more than once kinda like stutters
But this world needs help, all the likes of us, of us
What a lonely road is paved, with some broken souls that (groan midways)
On our domes we long to go get away, we cant go it alone come on invade

In this broken world we wanna find a way,
Cause it all went wrong, tell me who can take it away
come and invade our world.

You know the place where we placed at
It's like loves been erased they replaced that
There's no food in the crib where they plates at
The kid got shot in the place where he plays at
Jay said this can't be life, I'm lookin at the world like this can't be right
We lookin for the light but we can't be night
We lookin for our health but we can't see right (see right)
Comin y'all we gotta face facts
His years go tears roll down hhis face ??
When he had a lot of hope it would fade black
Now he cold and he ain't really fazed at anything
Anything his face seems light, cause his moneys out like they made three strikes
Needs something to come down invade these nights
A real life Hero need that'll make things right

I know of some folks thinkin, this dude trippin what he drinkin
What kinda little dream he chasin, he gonna spend his whole life waitin (I'm waitin)
For someone to come down to change this song, but not just me man creation groans
We are waitin for someone to erase this wrong
The Kingdom is here the invasion's on.

Trip Lee-Invade

The Bayimba International Festival of Arts 2010 Kampala UG

2010-09-24T12:21:00.005+03:00

Forgive the fact that I have written this a week after the Festival started and 5 days after it ended. Forgive me also for the awful truth that I took no pictures, you can go to Bayimba facebook page for you to have a look.

Ugandans are not crazy about the arts. Ugandans just love entertainment. This is why it is easier for Moses Kyagulanyi to pull throngs while Maurice Kirya will attract a select few who are picky.

The recently concluded Bayimba festival had tough competition over the weekend. There was the Goat race at Munyonyo plus the Bride and Groom Expo. Bayimba's vision is "A vibrant creative arts industry in Uganda that is professional, creative and viable and contributes to social and economic development in Uganda and East Africa." It was evident from the festival's weekend line up that creative arts is a big deal with Bayimba.

First, the plates, cups, basins and other plastic stuff on the main stage background was a totally cool idea.

From the photography display, to the artisan craft, the music in the theatre from Kampala Music School, Abo Gospel, Ethno Uganda, and other acts, it was a dynamic mix of different art forms showcasing not only Ugandan culture but international culture as well.

There was a clear presence of "Mzungus" who are known to be more in love with the arts than the Ugandans themselves. To wit, there was a nice shirt with the words " My name is not Mzungu", which put a smile on my face.

However, I think the attendance of locals was not so bad although like I said at the start, Ugandans love entertainment. This is probably why we saw more people coming in the evening to watch mostly rock-oriented live music like the Uneven Band with Rachel K, Milege and and take part of the cooler than ice cold "Silent Disco".

My personal favourites were the photos upstairs; it revealed there is a growing skill in photography in Uganda. Some photos
were taken in ridiculous positions but came out looking gorgeous. The lighting, focus, colour was something to be proud of. Not to mention, Marcel Worms' dreamy piano playing in the main auditorium on Saturday.

Latif did this crazy thing where he made a dress for a model in around 5 minutes and my, wasn't she stunning!

At the end of the day, it seemed many of the people I knew were attending so for some part, it became a social event if you had not gone to the Goat Races or the Bride and Groom expo.

I loved it. Simply put. The diversity, the creativity, the flamboyance although we shall need more of that next time. One of the goals is to make Ugandan arts unique, whereas it is possible, I fear Uganda's arts are very cliche, it will need persistence, quality such as of Maurice Kirya to develop a distinct look for Ugandan art. Why am I ovcer Maurice Kirya-ing? Check this! My wish is that the festival becomes a must-attend on the international arts' calendar and that Ugandans become a bigger part of it than those they host from other countries.

If you missed Bayimba this year, wait patiently for the one next year. I think it is progress for arts in Uganda.

Sleep

2010-09-02T14:20:00.003+03:00

What if I had an office job? In a proper organisation; maybe an NGO, advertising firm or something close to that? Perhaps I would actually sleep the prescribed 8 hours a normal human being should take.

This has been one crazy week; actually not just week, this current trend has taken 3 weeks. What trend? 3 -4 hrs of sleep per day.

Whereas the money is coming in, I am not as excited as before. Appointment here, call there, design here. Aya! My writing is even skewed. I cannot produce a piece of poetry anymore.

I need sleep.

This sort of striving is part of the work Christ came to put an end. Our accounts with God are too huge to be paid with our efforts. We end up stressed and tired like I am. When you believe in Christ as Lord and saviour you cease from labouring to pay back that debt because by grace He gifts salvation to you.Take note,Ephesians 2:8,9 - For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: [it is] the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast.

A performance based salvation is not existent- it is actually bondage.

The thing about rest/sleep is you cannot control it. You need to give up control for you to rest/sleep. Eevn with salvation, give up your ga efforts, they are filthy rags-capitulate to grace, and sleep. Give up and let Christ give you rest. Take note- Matthew 11:28,29Come unto me, all [ye] that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.

At the end of the day, Hebrews 4:10-For he that is entered into his rest, he also hath ceased from his own works, as God [did] from his.

Sleep now.

Forerunner

2010-08-17T08:21:00.004+03:00

I know, Rev mentioned something like this in his post- I was trying to explain it but I guess I won't. Let me just share it.

Hebrews 6: 19This hope we have as an anchor of the soul, both sure and steadfast, and which entereth into that within the veil,

20where the Forerunner has entered for us, even Jesus, who is made a high priest forever, after the order of Melchizedek.

Important to note is the role of a high priest.

Hebrews4: 15For we do not have a High Priest who cannot be touched with the feelings of our infirmities, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin.
16Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

Hebrews 5: For every high priest taken from among men is ordained for men in things pertaining to God, that he may offer both gifts and sacrifices for sins;

2who can have compassion on the ignorant and on those who are outside of the Way, since he himself is also encompassed by infirmity.

3And by reason hereof, he ought, both for the people and also for himself, to make offering for sins.

4And no man taketh this honor unto himself, except he that is called by God, as was Aaron.

Wow! God is good.

Lions and Liars

2010-08-11T22:37:00.003+03:00

Bazanye- you like rap or is it hip hop?. I'm giving you what I think is the best Sho Baraka-[mercy on me] on the Lions and Liars album.

This is a message to me, I can relate and I think many of us can. Immerse yourselves.

-----------------------------------------------

Hook
(Chinua Hawk)
Lord, Lord you know I tried/
When I should have been strong I cried/
When I should have helped I walked on by/
When I should have told the truth I straight up lied/
I know your love has set me free/
But I keep putting you back on that tree/
Oh Lord, Have your mercy on me/
Loving father put your grace on me, on me/

2nd thru 4th Chorus addition
Put your Grace on me, on me (repeat 3x)
Loving Father
Put your Mercy on me, on me (repeat 3x)
Loving Father Put you Mercy on me, on me

Verse 1
Tre's nerves are bubbling, juggling jobs, avoid hustling/
Hard trusting in God- because he's struggling/
TV's throwing lust at him, Corner boys punking him/
Wife wants to fuss with him, LORD keep touching him/
He might return to street life, But he'll fight will all he can/
Coz if they test him again, He would hate to have kill a man/
The pressure he can't handle it, he's lost his ways to channel it/
He might Black out, Then he ends up back in anger management/
His common problem- is his values aren't- matching his wallet/
He's praying but still jobless, his faith used to keep him honest/
His visions of bad decisions are void of the godly wisdom/
So this one bad decision will probably lead him to prison/
So a week from now, He'll be at a Bank in town/
he'll be yelling get down, with some other clowns, waving a gun around/
He'll succeed ducking the cops and leaving with the profits/
But he'll have problems dodging all the guilt that's working on his conscious/

Verse 2
Jane's feeling the pain, like razors are in her vein/
Last year the cancer came, and now her life has changed/
Chemo and pain killers, the disdain's gettin realer/
Her Hope's becoming thinner, from all the news they give her/
She taking the news with caution, coz she knows the Lord is awesome/
But often she pauses, of the losses and of what death could cost us/
Is it worth fighting she nauseous, plus the hospital charges/
She heard there's a light in the tunnel but all she sees is Darkness/
No one is feeling her burden, they just keep giving her sermons/
If they listened with more discernment, they could tell that she's hurting/
Her speech is an illusion, she's scared of the end conclusion/
If she shares her doubt- then she fears her image may be ruined/
Shes holds her fears in, tears in, She'll be dead by years end/
Shes not thinking through how God forgives sins/
Until then her nights are long, and she's faking strong/
In the corner of her home, This will be her song, sing /

Verse 3
How often we go thru motions, of up and down rollercoasting/
Scared to admit were hurting, with nervous thoughts of perversion/
This culture we've built is perfect, were saying His death was worthless/
We're Not concerned with His worship as along we do our churchin/
Were decorating our person, just to continue lies/
Our shortcomings we hide, with a shallow disguise/
To prove we got it together, to make it seem like were better/
Than friends, family whoever, we take some extreme measures/
We have a desire to add, to the grace that we have/
We're never content with our lives, we operate with pride/
We hate to seem dependent, but that's the way that He intended/
Humans made in His image, built to live in the tension/
Learn His wisdom, were distant , love we didn't deserve it/
We confess that we're worthless, then we break our backs to earn it/
Without You I'm, helpless and weak, my existence is bleak/
I refuse to proceed without Your grace and mercy on me/

Routine Rejection and Switchfoot

2010-08-07T08:32:00.003+03:00

My eyes wide open, I've got my eyes wide open, I've been keeping my hopes unbroken....

Those are words from Switchfoot's Your Love Is A Song. Ever since I got their album [Hello Hurricane], I have been feeding on it. I personally believe there is no greater rock band in the world than Switchfoot. The lyrics and clever instruments always gets me whether I am down or up or on the way up.

In a past life I think I was in Switchfoot. Anyway, there are times when the words they speak directly touch my circumstances and give me reason to keep trusting [GOD] and keep pushing forward.

"I've been keeping my hopes unbroken."

You know how easy it is to throw your hopes to the wind when things keep falling apart? It is this easy. Repetitive unsuccessful attempts have a way of drying up a man's resolve and making him soulless. There's a way such situations harden the heart. There's this song called Ononsonyiwa by Jamal which talks of how his behaviour has been affected by past hurts in love.

Naturally, that should be the case; hope keeps fading. However Switchfoot and I agree, it is always noble to "keep your hopes unbroken", regardless how many failures or how long it takes for you to see something come alive!

As a matter of fact, even the Apprentice according to his daughter advises, Don’t take no for an answer and Be annoyingly persistent when you want something.

Keep your hopes unbroken. No matter how many rejection letters you receive, no matter how many times girls say no to you, no matter, no matter, no matter.....

Hello hurricane, you're not enough
Hello hurricane, you can't silence my love
I've got doors and windows boarded up
All your dead end fury is not enough
You can't silence my love, my love

What do you usually do when storms come? Cower? Hide? Run? Scream? Some times in life, challenges befall us like hurricanes and the very core of our soul comes to a point of despair.

Loss? Rejection? Failure? etc? How do you prepare to face life's hurricanes? Love. Love at the core. Consider Rom 8:35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? Rom 8:39 nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

There is a another stanza that rocks concerning this same thing:

Every thing I have I count as loss
Everything I have is stripped away
Before I started building I counted up these costs
There's nothing left for you to take away

Contentment. Faith. Purpose. If you know you have purpose, and you live it with faith, nothing can stop you because you find contentment in the perfect power of God who is able to do all things. These Switchfoot guys know how to share the Word. I love it so much.

Hallelujah, every breath is a second chance, yeah

Yes, another Switchfoot line. Every breath is a second chance. Another chance to dust yourself and keep pursuing God, keep pursuing life, keep pursuing peace, keep pursuing truth, keep pursuing love.

In my life, one can say I have gone through routine rejection all my life. Normally the response should be negative, you know, the things you hear in love songs about how people have given up on love, or are going to break hearts etc, such stupid stuff.

I am not saying there is no pain involved, there is pain. That pain pains! LOL. However, it helps to think, put things in perspective, trust God and just know all things work for the good of those who love the Lord.

Whoah!! You are reading this and you do not know the LORD? Eph 2:8 For by grace you are saved through faith, and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God,
Eph 2:9 not of works, lest anyone should boast. Just come. Forget trying to earn salvation, it is impossible. Just do the 3:16, believe in Christ Jesus and start your journey.

Well, it is only appropriate I finish with Switchfoot,

And I fall in love
With the ones that run me through
When all along all I need is you

nowplaying: Always [Switchfoot]

Saying Goodbye for Good.

2010-08-04T18:11:00.006+03:00

She never took her eyes off him the entire time the vows were being made. Her big round eyes. She stared deep into his eyes, ultimately showing certainty of what she was doing.

There are things in life which when they happen, momentarily challenge your sanity. July meant my time was up and that all hope was lost and that if I had any hope, I better relinquish it.

There's something about an ex getting married that touches you at the base. You may even be friends with her, not beefing with her but the fact that she is getting married rubs you the wrong way.

I will be honest. I had mixed emotions. On the one part I was happy for her, why? God had totally transformed her. I remember back when we were at Bible Study together and she used to say she never wanted to get married. I must admit I hoped that sort of thinking did not persist [for my own sake of course]. So seeing her make those vows to that man to me was God.

On the other hand, I was angry, selfish, dejected. I felt cheated, I felt like I had watered the plant and pruned it well only for someone else to eat the fruit. I know- I was being vain, there are the sowers and reapers and both must rejoice. However in my heart I was like it was 3 years of Nevonic presence in her life that brought about that change snd what were my gains?

I know- this is selfish but let me get it off my chest. I invited her to Church...the place she would grow and even find a husband and when I left she got angry. I felt I deserved more but heck life is not fair.

I approached to take the gift [in Church], and when she saw me she said " My God you made it!!". Yes, at one time we were inseparable and if she had invited me there would be no doubt I would be there. However, we grow up, we get exposed to Politics. Politics; she invited me, hoping I would make it but knowing I had an ego and may avoid it. However, she was my friend first. I owed her that. Therefore, I showed up; her acknowledging it made the Church feel a little warmer somehow.

I watched as she gave herself away, as she officially became his. As all prayer requests tumbled and broke, all hope was lost etc. . . Well not really. She was gone before she was married. I knew it was over at one point. However there's that thing about a girl you love well, when she goes, she never really goes. So now maybe the curtains are closed and I can focus on my hiking and adventuring business.

This is it. Freedom.

I ask myself at this point: LORD, did I learn the lesson you were teaching me all this while?

nowplaying : This is your life [Switchfoot]

Yesterday is a wrinkle on your forehead, yesterday is a promise that you've broken; Don't close your eyes this is your life, and today is all you got now, and today is all you'll ever have....

Forward we move [Kwame Nkrumah]

The BHH

2010-07-30T21:22:00.013+03:00

These were his exact words that snake-hissy tongue; mbu "Ze Be. etcH. etcH, it is upon us. Vat shall ve do? Today's theme is 'how to have a local accent but still be sexy'. come with ur points written down, and earn points"

Sir, who promised these points, I did not see them at all. Neither did we at anyone point talk about local sexy accents.

At this rate, BHH as a name is becoming meaningless. Moreso, there are many different social networking religions; some believe that one liners are the way to go therefore twitter, others [Sleek] simply cannot bottle up all the awesomeness of literal grandeur in one sentence so prefer to blog. Others, like Baz are about effect-whatever does it best, he believes and practices. Others are just down right addicted to facebook. Others are loyalists-blogger or die baby!

I am not supposed to do this review because I agreed with Dorene that since she knew everyone's name and I was well, quick to forget, she would do it. 24 hrs later she has sat on her duties that shameless sweet girl of the dimples.

Charlene, Darlene. What are the odds of having people at BHH with rhyming names moreover in alphabetical order? C-D. Don't ask me though, I can't tell you but we had Charlene and Darlene in the same space on Thursday night. However, I do not know if their paths crossed. By the way, Dee, you last blogged in March!!!! A whole you?!

I got at Mateos thinking I was early. The security man waved his metal detector upon my sides, under the arms and so forth. No, he did not touch me. But he took my water, my mineral water mbu we they had water inside. Can you imagine, I left my half empty mineral water bottle with the guard because they had mineral water inside?

I finally got to see Dorene's hair in real life 3D without the goggles. It feels like hair actually. Thought it felt like something cooler, no offence miss. I said Dorene because my cousin says she's no longer called Antipop...What was the explanation for the name dropping?

Jason is a great poet, but a blogger? I did not know. For many of you who do not know this dude, he is a rebel. Remember George Bernard Shaw anyone? The reason Americans spell colour as color and finalise as finalize. This dude is a rebel like that: What are sentence caps to him? Does he even know what full stops do in poetry? He's a rebel.

Spartacuss is growing bigger. I wonder what spinach he is eating that I may eat some too. Ooooh, in fact him and Sleek seem to go to the same gym. Spartacuss was around for a short time but I noticed that after I had gone home.

Diana, on the other hand was around for a short time, but I noticed her in the act of exiting the premises in the company of a one mogul whose name I may not mention in this my blog space. Could have been Baz, or DK, I wish it were me.

Anyway, Youngafrican is a Sneakerhead. She had on a cool pair of sneakers which by some computer demon I have failed to show here. Click on this link to see what I mean-http://thegloss.com/files/2008/07/converse-metal-backstage-hi-top-sneakers.jpg. Funky stuff.

Oh, had forgotten, in African tradition MarkBulamu is my uncle because he and my mom share a tribe. That makes it legit for me to call Normzo, uncle. So uncle Normzo, next time I need to go to Muyenga, can I borrow your car? Tehehe.

Johnny my man, mbu had a fever. So initially, his drink of choice was a cold Coca Cola. He was in fact also putting on a sweater. However, during the course of the evening some miracle chanced upon him and he ended up taking a "cool" Nile Gold. I wonder whether it was the only one, however, being in the company of Normzo and Mark, peer pressure may have worked wonders. Later, these guys were joined by Carsozy to start their day at Mateos. By the way, Carsozy, where had you gone off to man? A year in absence.

Talking of miracles, that lady who always looks HOT!! in red, I mean who else, Heaven of the Sqoop, said she had been at Free Thinkers night [insert shudder here]. And whoever she told indeed initially shuddered, not a shudder of disgust but one of betrayal! Those people are enemies!! Like the Triads and Yakuza! How could she?

Anyhow, she did. Good thing though is she was not converted...hehe [Sleek would never had approved anyway].

So my cousin, Safyre [please remember that name Dorene] was there. In fact, he arrived in the company of three ladies, two of whom disappeared shortly after they entered the premises.

Lulu succumbed to the pull of BHH and showed up looking corporate as usual. Which reminds me, where does Basix be these days? Streetsider never loses a step with style. In another world, he was the famous black rockstar from Uganda. Last time I remember, Street had quit blogging but guess he's back.

However, I think my greatest joy was in seeing Nalongo. The one of the twins. Chanel. Mama Baby. I think she be so blessed. I mean twins. Boy and girl, wow! Notwithstanding, I had forgotten how Chanel looked and then she went right on and embarrassed me by saying she knew who I was. Anyway, that was sorted. Then there was this Mwirigi [Paul] who apparently knew almost everyone at BHH albeit not being a blogger.

Ivan has not yet played God of War 3. I had to check.

Mark Keith. McKeith, Baz, Safyre with Heaven attempted to mock me because I was unknown to Lady Sinister, the in your face girl with the Fro'. On the contrary, she has heard of Nev, and Rev and tells me she checks my blog but finds narra. Forgive me for being so famous [vanity vanity]. Rev....aha. All I know is he was busy, so could not make it.

I wonder what Guinness tastes like. No, I do not wonder. I wonder why most ladies at BHH were fascinated with Guinness. All I could see around were black bottles of that 250 year old brew. Aha. Oh, save for the fact that McKeith and Safyre wanted Safe Sex on the Beach...I didn't know what that was..honest but since Safyre wanted to drink it, should not have been alcoholic and indeed it isn't. Unfortunately for the fans of the Mateos cocktails, there was no buy one get one free this time.

This is the point I apologise to those whose names I forgot or did not bother to find out because I was either shy or too shy. [The two/three ladies seated near me/opposite?] Dorene should have done this recap. She usually remembers all names, except my cousin's name.

I had fun at BHH. The turn out was great. Oh, and you know how when you go to Church every Sunday it encourages you to live a Christian life of faith, in the same way, BHH revives the desire to blog, which I am hereby doing.

Charlene, your name is not so hard to pronounce by the way, and I did not know rum was sold in Mateos. I thought it was a sea affair.

Oh, a friend of mine made a cameo albeit unnoticed, Ronnie, a funny guy I have known for 5 years now. Maybe he will soon become a blogger too.

Dorene, I am waiting for your version 2.0 BHH review.

I'm out.

Nev.

Steel

2010-07-26T05:31:00.003+03:00

Right now I feel like she is this near, kindred soul, I actually feel her pulsating under my skin. My cadence has changed and my head follows suit. Wish I could scream like she does. Wish I could shout like she does. Wish I could be her, but me. I am drawn. She brings me to tears. She knows how cold a heart can feel. She is here right now, alone with me in my solace, in the cold warmth. Sing some more for me.

Umbrella

2010-07-04T00:11:00.001+03:00

I was trying to get the perfect words,
An umbrella of light to place in your hands
For you to place above your head,
So the rain of pain wouldn't make you wet.

But how would I know lest you told me so,
That they were delightful and made you glow?
So I decided to give what I thought was best;
Something that I thought would leave you blessed.

So I'm saying, when you smile, I will smile with you;
And when you cry, I will be strong for you;
When pain overwhelms, I will pray for you;
When sorrow sheds your heart, I will comfort you...

With the love that God has placed in my heart;
With the courage that God has put in my soul;
With the hope that tomorrow is a better day,
And the faith that God is here even today.

For Double A, :) again.

In the valley.

2010-06-24T13:43:00.000+03:00

It was red hot coals
Fiery water falls,
Thorns under my feet,
Nails in my bones.
Drilling in my head,
Banging in my joints,
Rain from my skin,
Roars in my voice.

~Dearest Miswa~

2010-06-12T20:44:00.002+03:00

Hi,

No need to be official,
Let me italicise:
hii ni ukweli,
No need to close my eyes.

I keep my eyes open
But sometimes they've lied,
Often I've missed the pearl
Coz I saw just the shell.

Purple lilac at first glance
A surge of emotions,
You set my feet to dance
Like the waves of the ocean.

But your purity and love
Rushed over me,
And soon became
The white lilac I now see.

You're a friend and an ear,
A shoulder for me to lean
Let me give you these words-
Goodness, may they glean.

Hii ni ukweli
My heart wants to give,
huu urafiki ni wa ukweli
These words I do give.

Growing

2010-05-31T09:06:00.002+03:00

I have a feeling that I might have exchanged skills over the past few months. Why is it much harder to write a post than design a graphic? Anyway, given that much of my writing is deeply connected to my emotional, spiritual and mental state, I think this is witness that the waves present before are really declining.

A note to the past era of girls.

It is sad that when I was willing, you were not, when I was ready, you were tired, when I was in love, you had resentment. It is sad that now you're on the road and I'm on the mountain, that you yearn for flowers yet I am a garden.

Phase out. Gone. I am a stage in life that you missed. I am not coming back.

You know what freedom is? Looking at you and not even twitching. So, --> we move as Nkrumah my man said. I guess we'll be neighbours very soon.

Love you? Yes, I do.

Thank God I am growing.

Love song

2010-05-19T18:02:00.001+03:00

I made the heavens farther than the eye can see
Placed the stars in the sky, made the moon shine brightly
Woke you up with the sun shining through your window
Sing you a serenade every time the wind blows

See the earth in all of it's beauty
It all came from Me
Take the time to look above
And you'll know, you can't sing about love
Without singin' bout me

Singin' bout Me
Without singin' bout Me

I made the clouds, even the air you breathe
Made you in My image, so that you can be like Me
My love is sweet, more to make you happy
Such joy and peace, wanna give you all of Me
It's the reason why you smile
It makes livin' all worth while
It would bring tears to your eyes

So how you gon' sing about love, without singin' 'bout Me?

Canton Jones

It's time to stand

2010-05-11T19:09:00.004+03:00

Eph 5:8 For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord; walk as children of light

What good is a man whose mind is like a river, tossed too and fro by the wind? He is the man, whose feet are not standing on sure ground. He tries to walk on the water [it's a story he heard]; he is the man swayed to and fro by the winds of the world

If you could plant your roots by the river side, that they would grow deep into the nutritious ground, maybe when the winds pull you to their wiles, this time you will stay upright, and not bend to their lies.

Every new thought is a piece in the jigsaw of purpose. Who I am? Why I am here? And why did I have to go through this? And they sway him wherever they go...

[Lookin for love in all the wrong places just to find someone who can erase the hurt and if u could you'd get a potion- the love of God goes deeper than an ocean. lookin for love u know that i can show you cus' what I've found goes on and on and on and u never have to worry about it being gone] ...

Who knows where the hurt came from? The pain? Why is the man always trying to fill a gap? Maybe it explains his constant sway. Grasping at empty words, empty phrases; smoke, just vapour, holding onto nothingness. Laws and regulations give him newer questions, newer conflicts, so the jigsaw only gets complicated.

Time to stand man. Time to stand firm. Time to let go of the milk, leave momma's worn out breasts. It's time man; time to eat meat, time to let the things of the children go. It is time, to be man.

Baseline:Eph 6:11,13 Put on the whole armor of God so that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. Therefore take to yourselves the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.

Weekend wrap.

2010-05-10T11:19:00.003+03:00

Friday 1400hrs. I receive a call from client saying I need to go meet him. I had no plans of going back to town having been there in the morning and having seen a client who attempted to get my services at 70k. [Let me not confuse you-the two clients are different]. For purposes of clarity let me call the 70k dude [grossnjawulo]. I am referred to him by a friend and told that he needs a website. So I go to meet him, I am so on time and he is so late, I actually got to his place of work 30 minutes before he did.

So [grossnjawulo] has been given an assignment to work on getting a website for one NGO up and running. He tells me he has an idea of how he wants it to appear and shows me a number of [lacklustre] websites he is getting ideas from. He inquires about hosting and I refer him to a very good hosting website and will cost him around 130,000/-. So after that is finished we proceed to talk about design fees. I tell him my [design fee] and brother man says that it is too much! He tells me he was thinking of spending 200,000 in total.

200,000/- in total.

I hope he made a mistake and tell him that would be enough for hosting. He says, it includes design fees! He begins to convince me how things will get better when the site is up and running and also says that since he thought he was dealing with an individual designer not a company, he would not be charged [that much]! Inside, I am laughing hilariously.

[Grossnjawulo] is obviously trying to make a cut, and he wants to squeeze the designer to get his cut. I would like to think the NGO has particular funds set aside for website and that the fees are standard. What I did not tell the brother was that a company could have charged him many times what I was charging him but the laughter inside jammed. So [grossnjawulo] wanted to pay me 70k for designing a website. I left with his number promising to get back to him, which reminds me, I did not move with his business card so guess the response will delay.

What do people think we are anyway? Charitable organisations?

So the call at 1400hrs. Client2, let us call him [grossnagging]. He had promised some sort of payment by end of the week, so when I get his phone call I am excited because he is telling me to go over.

By now I am excited, almost forgetting [grossnjawulo]'s silly deal. When I get there, [grossnagging] calls his business partner reminding him that everyone was present. I could only assume this was pay day because there were other people expecting dimes or that's what I thought at least.

When he comes, we are told to go and so it seems they are looking for a hideout to distribute dimes to the guys. So we get to one, he orders sodas and then guess what happens, files come out and the words -let us start the meeting- sound. We start, talk about the work we're doing, challenges and stuff, which includes payment. As we talk on, I am waiting for the dude to announce that our dimes are now here; however, I wait in vain, as we are promised nothing is coming soon.

Frustrated? Yes. Depressed? No. I am looking forward to the weekend and seems now money supply has been cut. The PIFF party looks hazy for now. However, there is some light- promise of IronMan2 Saturday! All I need is half the amount.

Saturday comes,fast forward----->>>>> 7pm-9pm. Pure FUN!!! Jon Favreau, merci beaucoup.

Sunday's rain, did a good job in demotivating me from going to Daddy's house however, I needed to go for the BASIC Family fellowship.
aLL, I can say is, that family is a blessing. Y'all can come visit us next time- June 6th. You will have a good time.

I have a million tasks to complete before tomorrow, I have not half started on any but after this, I am going to. Talking about clients, employers and employees, today's baseline is for you to be motivated to work.

BASELINE: Ephesians 6:5-8
Slaves, be obedient to those who are your earthly masters, with fear and trembling,in singleness of heart, as to Christ; not in the way of eye-service, as men-pleasers, but as servants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart, rendering service with a goodwill as to the Lord, and not to men, knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same again from the Lord, whether he is a slave or free. [RSV]

Sense and sensibility.

2010-05-06T09:13:00.003+03:00

First, that is a book I have never read but whose title I have read...whatever proceeds from here forthwith may have no connection whatsoever to that said book title.

Since my life is not unusual any more; meaning, there is nothing out of the ordinary happening in my life-wait is this a fly? ! The thing has just gone under my monitor, it looks like it is inspecting ...whoah!! Fly!! Get outta my face! Fly, please?! This is not your space. Psshhhh!! Little winged ....

What was I saying? Oh yes, my quotidian life. Forget the fly interrupting my peaceful morning, that is an anomaly.Anyway, I was just about to tell you that my life is steadying out, the ups and downs are fading out. Drama just got evicted. In fact, safyre is opining mbu even the Mr nice guy died, mbu he may even have died a quick and painless death; whether it is true remains to be seen...

Ah! C'mon, just when I am getting into blog zone! Errands!

I will come back.

No one talks about BHH anymore...and love gone bad

2010-05-01T23:07:00.003+03:00

and do you know why? It is because all the talking happens on twitter these days. What happened to the rave reviews of over 40 comments on the reports of BHH? And days building up to the excitement as well...from the King's site to the Basix, the Antipop, the Innocent etc... And as if that is not enough, formerly regular bloggers are not regular at their posts but anyway let me speak for myself.

I went to BHH, albeit arriving fashionably. Was not really my fault, I was with Safyre who convinced me that BHH had moved to Centenary gardens. We took our time, actually walked there after failing to successfully get a boda guy to take the two of us at 1.5k, but that is not important because we eventually got to Mateos.

Rhino, MarkBulamu of Normzo, Normzo, Johnny, Darlene, Baz, the King, Diana, Streetsider, SleekandWild, Heaven, (the damsel whose name I have failed to pronounce, in spects), (the other damsel seated next to Rhino), Ole,Spartacuss, Lulu (and her friend), Antipop, Ivan,Safyre, have I forgotten anyone?

Surprisingly Rev did not turn up, neither did Detamble. The Risingpage as usual did not make it.

It was a good crowd though conversations were less general.

Now that I have told you a bit about the BHH, maybe I shall repent of my blogcks and be a good blogger again starting with venting.

Have you ever felt scattered? Like you have bits and pieces of you all around the place? I do,it's that thing about letting go and moving on- reaching a point and discovering you gave a good part of yourself away to temporal insatiable things. It bugs. It's like learning an ex is getting married, or has a new boyfriend or is hanging out with a hot guy. Or learning that you put your cards on the wrong horse. It sucks.

It's when you learn you have been futile in your thinking and have trusted man, when you learn the world is no Neverland, that it is a brutal Spartan war field, where there are no rules. When you learn that truly people (myself included) are liars, pretenders, murderers and heartless, that people are selfish and think of themselves above all.

It is sad yet not without redemption. Forgiveness is one of the toughest things in life- letting go, saying it is okay and truly meaning it. It takes God, He alone is the author of love, and forgiveness. If God can do it, and I [Col 1:12 Giving thanks unto the Father, which hath made us meet to be partakers of the inheritance of the saints in light:
Col 1:13 Who hath delivered us from the power of darkness, and hath translated us into the kingdom of his dear Son: ] having been transferred into His light, then I know I am empowered to.

Those sucker punches, like when everyone else knows your ex is getting married and you know nothing, need not hurt anymore. Ha! You think it is easy? No, it is not. It takes courage and faith, it takes God's grace, it takes committment to be healed. That courage and faith that pushes through the crowd and touches the hem; that grace that after seeing you lowered through a roof says your sins are forgiven, you are well; that committment that shouts out in the crowds and says Son of Man heal me when everyone else tries to push you away.

You see, originally, I had come to vent but God has His ways. And anyway, God makes everything beautiful in its own time [Ecc 3:11 He has made everything beautiful in its time]; He cares more than anyone does-that love is the most important, and the one that needs to be grown most.

Baseline: Eph 3:17-19 that Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth and length and depth and height, and to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge, that you might be filled with all the fullness of God.

Message from William “The Ambassador” Branch

2010-04-16T12:38:00.000+03:00

Message from William “The Ambassador” Branch

Days gone by

2010-04-12T00:20:00.003+03:00

A brief recap.

Hey, this year blogging and me have been at odds but I always make time to put up something especially when my soul has been lifted.

There have been awesome days this year, far from the days at the beginning of the year which were very trying if not strenuous. By God’s grace I have been given joy, hope and contentment in many areas in my life.

There are days in my life my one mission was to not be single and even though I tried, that was a mission impossible. I have always had good female friends, as in, people I am very close to. I am a sensitive man, :-p, so I find relating to ladies easy.

This year, God blessed my life with a wonderful new friend, yes a lady, and I got nothing but love. You know how at times you sense something happening but then you diffuse it? Long story. Me and this friend of mine decided to do a tour of Muyenga on Easter weekend. I have no car, she loves to walk so naturally we walked that day.

We met up in Kabz, then walked up the hill, first went to the tank hill, looking at awesome looking houses as well as peeping into unfinished mansions and stuff. We then got a very awesome view of the city. We could see Bugolobi, Luzira, Kla,….wow!! Then went to another spot where we could see Bunga, Gaba, Kansanga and again it was a whoah!!
From there we walked back down to the main road then to Caffe Roma where we met a very interesting waiter called Norman. Very assertive man, whose words sounded like instructions! Well, later on he turned out nicer than we thought. We ordered and ate and had our tummy’s expand. At this point we almost fell asleep but took in some sodas.

We talked till like 9pm then walked back to Kabz. While there grabbed ice cream before she had to go.

I remember because I rarely am that peaceful and contented.

I diffused my ‘other’ thoughts and now, I feel this friendship is better than anything else for now. I am enjoying it a lot.

Now, yesterday was another day at Daddy’s place. I have been so rare there these days but when I went, He welcomed me and gave me such a wonderful word; I left so excited- that excitement when soul agrees with spirit….ayayayya…awesome.

I met her briefly and shared the word with her… I was so excited, she said she had never ever seen me that excited before. Wow. I pushed her to where she got a taxi and then got myself a meal and headed to Kisaasi for a BASIC Family fellowship.
The reason I love those guys is that they are filled with God’s love, and joy. Around them, how do tears start to roll? We were there sharing how we’d been, what our plans are and stuff like that and I was so excited about the kinship. I bless God, for He is our sustenance. He has kept BASIC going and I believe He will lift us to greater heights as well as inspire us to do greater good.

I am actively involved in planning for a dinner and I am so excited about it…only thing is, I need a famous person to come and give us some entertainment but I have no dime for them.. are you one, volunteer, please?

The baseline is to remind us Christ will not make sense to the world unless He removes the veil from their eyes. So, may we be given His grace to speak regardless how foolish we sound.

Baseline:
For the preaching of the cross is to them that perish foolishness; but unto us which are saved it is the power of God. (1 Corinthians 1:18)

The Tin Man's Curse

2010-03-29T15:34:00.005+03:00

Pain. An eternal theme, can be expressed in many ways, but with all the pain we can feel, isn't it the pain in the soul that hurts the most? Here, a possible first of a best seller from a friend...enjoy.

Sweet webs of sleep laced my eyes shut, for a minute i felt the numbness ease away. I dreamt of beauty, the boy in blue and the girl with pink ribbons in her hair, hand in hand they leaped with joy, oblivious to the world at large. As I wept, I did so one last time. The rain fell hard on me and yes this is what I wanted, I told myself,to be drenched, some how cleansed of all, unable to feel all. So I shut my eyes as it rained harder. Lying there still, I grew cold, icy solid.

When I woke up I felt strange, light, almost elated!! However, was this what I wanted? Was all gone? I sat up trying to adjust to this new body. As I stretched out my hands, the metallic projections startled me at first, but then it dawned on me, I had indeed been transformed, I was all shiny metal, the rain had washed the flesh away. Tapping my chest gently, all that echoed back was the hollow emptiness; that wretched thing had gone too, vanished like the noon day breeze, now I could function, I could live, shining metal and all.

Days weaved into nights. I saw the birds singing by day but I could not hear their music; I gasped for air, but only to survive, never really breathing freshness. By night, the fireflies glowed, but I was not warmed. Then one day as I sat there pondering, a beautiful orchid began to bloom right before my eyes. I looked but I could not enjoy its scent; I tried to touch it but I could not. With its radiance it beamed, beckoning me on, but I was too afraid. I got up, took in all its beauty and ran. Why couldn't I stay? Why did I have to go? Why didn't I know of its beautiful fragrance? I'll tell you why. I have the Tin man's curse. I have no heart.

Azure C.K

(The Orchid's response.....next post.)

This one thing I hold onto...

2010-03-23T20:13:00.003+03:00

Before it's too late. I will keep coming Lord, but what if one day it's too late?

14Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens,^e Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. 15For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin. 16Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. (Heb 4:14-16)

So I keep coming, the only thing I hold onto is promise that you will see me, that in fact you will not see me, that you will see Jesus, the High Priest. I keep coming, LORD. I have nowhere else to go. If you will not accept me, then I am finished. D.A.M.N.E.D. So I keep coming Lord, my hope is in those words- approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that i may receive mercy and find grace to help me in my time of need.

That, is my lifeline. My sanity.

...So, the prank caller, and etc

2010-03-20T09:35:00.004+03:00

She must have laughed her self silly, to think that a whole Nevender failed to deduce it was she playin the prank... Aha. This time she got me.

Just before I said good night two days ago, she said "good night Nev,"...and I was like, what did you call me? "Nev"... Now, you must understand, I gave her full doubt benefits, even those of not pursuing clues. So I was like okay, and she laughed. I said goodnight, not really thinking that it could have been her.

Last night I asked, "Do you any of your friends have my number?"

She laughed again- that laugh that gives one away but still I had given her so much benefits of doubt that she had to nudge me and say " It was me, okay?"

Nev:What??!! Hahaha...You played the prank?
Prank caller:Yes.
Nev:That wasn't you on the phone.
Prank caller:It was my relative who called.
Nev:Okay
Prank caller:Yeah, did not want to keep you in suspense any more
Nev:I wasn't in suspense, it was just funny, was wondering who it was
Prank caller:I can't believe you failed to figure it out
Nev:Why
Prank caller:Coz, it should have been obvious. I was expecting you to call me and say, nice one..
Nev: I knew it was a prank. There are no doctor love shows at 7:22pm.
Prank caller: But it was funny. She (Miss Jackson) said you sounded amazed that they knew your name.
Nev: Like I said, not many call me Nev.
Prank caller: It would have been better if the caller ID hadn't shown, haha.
Nev: Hmmm... you liked it.
Prank caller: Yes, haha

...and a whole yada yada..

So, she keeps upsetting the balance of power this one. Keeps revealing new angles of herself much to my surprise! Ahem...I need my vitamins- she has outwitted me one too many. I guess I have to turn my cheek, coz this one cannot be revenged.

---
In other news, Maria of the chucking fame finally gave up. After six years of faithfulness, she died. I am not taking her for repair. I will let her rest in peace.

---

Quote line- Hurting people hurt people.

Don't be the one who hurts someone because you're hurting. Vent, give it to Jesus and be clean of your pain.

I am not her boyfriend

2010-03-18T19:39:00.005+03:00

Yes. I insist.

I am currently going through a time when sincerely, how can anyone think I am their boyfriend..HMM?

So, I get a call while enjoying cell from a number I do not have stored in my phonebook. I say hallo, and hear a female voice on the other side- let us call her Miss Jackson.

Miss Jackson: Hi.
Nev:Hi.
Miss Jackson: Can you tell me the name of your girlfriend?
Nev: Girlfriend? Hahaha. Who wants to know?
Miss Jackson: You're Nev, aren't you?
Nev: Why?
Miss Jackson: Just tell me the name of your girlfriend, she's on the line and is listening.
Nev: Hahaha... Are you serious?
Miss Jackson: You're nev, aren't you?
Nev: I am, but why are you asking?
Miss Jackson: I want you to tell me the name of your girlfriend, she is on the line, listening.

(It is 7:22pm, Wednesday, do they do any Doctor Love shows at such a time? Moreover, there is need to report Kasubi tombs and Makerere Uni. This cannot be a radio. If it is, maybe it is Wakasanke Fm.)

Nev: But how can I tell you her name when I have none?
Miss Jackson: She is on the line listening. So you're saying you have no girlfriend?
Nev: I am single. Nev is a single dude.
Miss Jackson: You're sure you have no girlfriend?
Nev: I have no girlfriend. I am single.
Miss Jackson: Okay.

(dead tone) She cannot be serious. She just hang up. Hahahaha....

I try calling back two times and Miss Jackson doesn't pick. I say easy.

I jump back to cell..the hymn we're singing is " Bind us together Lord, bind us together, with chords that cannot be broken.....bind us together Lord bind us together, bind us together with Love.....

The irony.

I resume singing the hymn, half laughing! Oh.. my life is interesting... Crank call? They got my name right. So which of you bloggers is upto this? Eh?!!! I have no girlfriend; neither do I have an ex, okay, whoever you are....

It was funny though.

I am hoping to come for BHH though...Rev,I love your new blog. Oh and guys, the porkaty- you're all invited, as long as you give to Ceasar by 25th March his 10k.

on the radio- Miss Jackson- Outkast.

Recap

2010-03-15T10:46:00.002+03:00

Most times, like now, I really have no idea how I should start my blog. It has been too long since I actually sat and thought of what to write. Some of my previous posts have been song lyrics which I love but apart from that, blogging has been sidelined but here I am, let's see how this goes...

I have not been to any BHH since this year started so you prolly do not know that now I have a cool black goatee and improved English; next time I appear at the BHH I will surely try to fit in with all you interektchos and your Ingo-lisho!!

To my shame, I have not seen the inside of Watoto Church either since January, and you must be wondering, why is my life fallin apart? Of late I have not been too enthusiastic about doing Sunday or Sato service. My Sato's usually find me visiting friends and my Sundays are spent mostly in bed too ward of fatigue. I have been doing a lot of things since Feb, work especially is hard coz the dude whose stuff I am working on can be demanding. Dude changes his mind ever so often..

But I don't mean to cut Church, maybe I have grown "ekitwe" and think I have heard it all but no... I actually endeavour to go for cell, every Wednesday, and cell always rocks. Somehow I need new gas for Church, new verve, new fire, yes...I do.

I couldn't help but laugh as I read all the posts on Valentine's day; serakelz's post unhinged me from ignorance as I learnt new things about women. This day was awesome, I got to see a friend of mine- his chickilovely baiby had just given him a new born baby, a son and oh, how precious that boy is! I couldn't believe, this boy who we used to study,talk,play with all the way from 2000 was now a daddy! Whoah!!

Sadly sometime later, another close friend of mine lost his brother, his only brother and it was one of those things that sobers you up. I got a chance to be there for him and just be a friend as he went through the sorrow.

Those two friends of mine are both engaged, guys we played Mortal Kombat on PS consoles with at Guild Canteen while we were still bu young guys at MACOS. Time has shifted seriously...

I made a new friend too. Amazing what you miss out when you do not reach out and talk to somebody...it was Valentine's day when we hooked up but seeing as she isn't a fan of the day, we had to celebrate somethin else...after a month it's been awesome. What we celebrated was called "Mwanzo Amitie". Friends go a long way in keeping me sane, I thank God for all of them.

Work is hectic, I do two jobs, so man... I really cannot wait to become rich.

By the way, before I forget, I am invitin all who want to come for an evening of pork, n'ebigenderako, music, people later this month on 27th in Kisaasi. Just 10k. U can hand over yo dime before 25th, just call me- 0714005045.

I had a lot to say but did not say it all. Just pray that this is the month God scatters all my enemies and renews the fire on my heart.

Peace out.

Every Prayer

2010-03-12T17:45:00.001+03:00

Every Prayer

I heard 'em say He brought me from a mighty long way
And now today I can testify that I believe it
And on my way I realized He's the one who kept me
When the storms of life arise, sleepless nights and desperate cries
He has captured every tear assuring me He hears

Every prayer, waiting on the answer only to discover He is near
And He hears every prayer for He has done great things
And I believe He's a God that always answers prayer

I heard 'em say the prayers of the righteous availeth much
And now today I can testify that I believe it
Now on my way I wanna let you know that He will keep you
When the storms of life arise, sleepless nights and desperate cries
He's captured every tear assuring me that He hears

Every prayer, waiting on the answer only to discover He is near
And He hears every prayer for He has done great things
I believe He's a God that always answers prayer

Don't despise the tears you've cried
Or the prayers that you have prayed
Heaven heard your every word
And the answer, the answer's on the way

I heard 'em say there is an answer on the way
My God has done so many great things, great things
Hold on and you will see there is an answer on the way
My God has done so many great things, great things

Oh, there is an answer on the way
My God has done so many great things, great things
Hold on, hold on, there is an answer on the way
My God has done so many great things, great things

Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on
You can make it, you can make it
You can make it for he has done great things

I believe He's a God that always
I believe He's a God that always
I believe He's a God who always answers prayers
Yes, He does

Israel Houghton feat Mary Mary

Midnight Serenade

2010-03-03T13:12:00.003+03:00

The lights are out, everyone's asleep
But I know I should draw, from my well so deep;
To give you of the elixir, this honey I keep,
It's no good for me alone, so I offer to thee.

Let go of those tears, those you wept out at night
Forget those fears, those ghosts of hind sight;
Put a smile on your face, your personal half yellow sun,
A new day has come, it's now safe to not run.

Let your wings be colourful, and ornate like a butterfly
Let your joy be calm and warm, like a firefly;
Spread out your arms, like a child, fly free
Open your eyes again, there are sunsets and rainbows to see.

Have faith and take a step, into these longing arms
They long to have and hold, release you from olden harm;
So while the lights are out, while eyes drift to lands of charm
My heart is right here with you, off'ring this midnight Psalm.

Yours truly,
Nev.

~Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer~
Anon.

For Double A.

Not my boast.

2010-02-25T10:43:00.005+03:00

He calls me wolverine
This brother of mine,
His mind is convinced that man was I.

Bullet shots in the head,
Slashes on my skin
Every battle he enters, he surely must win.

I'm not new to terror
Not new to blades,
I shine like the orion and glow like the Pleiades .

I've been through the fire
Waded through the floods
Still I can leap and soar like the birds.

Been shot and wounded
Left alone to die
But I still got up and headed for the skies.

But be slow with your judgement
I'm not that strong at all
I don't want you to think I am standing tall.

I give it up for my saviour
Give it up for my Lord
Who else can take me through the narrow road?

He is my light
He is my fire
The only one able to lift me higher.

He's been here in the mud and the mire
Here in the blazing hot fires,
Here when no one else could be my brother.

And His light lives in many of us,
In Jesus, still growing, knowing more of Him;
Doesn't matter how small your light is-

A flicker, a glow, a big bright glare,
As long as you have that little light in you,
Go on my friend and you just let it shine.

Right/Wrong

2010-02-19T18:34:00.001+03:00

I don't care what people thing or say about DMX, I love him. I like this song, thought, I should share it.

"Right / Wrong"

THIS...IS...MY...LIFE

[Chorus]
(Right and wrong)
Whatever which way they go (right and wrong).
Whatever which way they go (right and wrong).
Whatever which way they go (right and wrong).
Whatever which way they go (right and wrong).

[Verse 1]
Made me a leader before I was ready to lead.
Took away my hunger, but didn't give me greed.
Made me successful, when I just wanted to be heard.
Give me the light, cause all I need is the word.
Give me a life that I'm responsible for.
I'll give him what's right, cause I'm responsible for him.
And into the night, I'm gonna be there with him.
Facing a fight, I be right there with him.
Ready for Heaven, cause I done been through the Hell.
And since I was seven, I've had a story to tell.
See God is great, and that's why I'm still livin'.
He gave to me, so I'ma keep on givin'.
The bravery of a man's mind is slavery.
Is makin me the man I was made to be.
I hate to see when cats know but don't spit it.
Right is wrong, when it's on you gon get it.

[Chorus]
Whatever which way they go (right and wrong).
Whatever which way they go (right and wrong).
Whatever which way they go (right and wrong).
Whatever which way they go (right and wrong).

[Verse 2]
I wake up frustrated dog, I'm hurtin' inside.
Think about the brothers that put in, work and then died.
A certain have tried, a certain have cried.
When it didn't go right, you hit me like.
You see things ain't always what they seem to be.
And the reason I dream of thee is He's with me.
And the reason I get through things so easily.
Is by the grace of God cause he, see's the need to guide me.
Walk right beside me.
Because he knows what's goin on inside me, he tried me.
Knew where my heart was at.
Knew what I was thinkin.
Knew when I was down and out, left there mistaken.
Knew when to pick me up, cause it got too hard.
Knew when I was gonna scream out "Please God!".
And you already knew that you would be there for me.
That's why I bring you together to give you the glory.

[Chorus]
Whatever which way they go (right and wrong).
Whatever which way they go (right and wrong).
Whatever which way they go (right and wrong).
Whatever which way they go (right and wrong).

[Verse 3]
Everyday of life is a new chapter.
And it's already been foretold, so it's up to the soul to capture.
The essence of it all, the meek shall inherit the earth.
Destined to ride with the call from birth.
The true worth of a man, is not measured by what he does for himself,
but what he does for someone else.
And if you help another, without concern for a reward or gold.
What you give, you shall receive tenfold.

And I, put that on my soul.
And, put that on my life.
And, everything I own.
And, everything I know.
And, everything I show is what I was meant to do.
Everything I told you is what I've been through.
And everwhere I been, I was for a reason.
Walk through the desert, ended up freezin.
Start there, end up where?
And now they know...whatever which way they go.

[Chorus]
Whatever which way they go (right and wrong).
Whatever which way they go (right and wrong).
Whatever which way they go (right and wrong).
Whatever which way they go (right and wrong).
Whatever which way they go (right and wrong).
Whatever which way they go (right and wrong).
Whatever which way they go (right and wrong).
Whatever which way they go.
They know they gonna owe.
They soul to the road they choose.
It don't matter if you win or lose.
You still gotta pay them dues.
You still gotta pay them dues.
You still gotta pay them dues.

DMX

Love Letter 6; Her Prayer

2010-02-15T10:19:00.004+03:00

And then she prayed to God;

Our father who art in heaven,

Hallowed be thy name,

‘Coz only you understand this crazy love game,

Lord give me today, a fine ass brother,

‘Coz the ones I’ve met so far, are all wrong numbers.

Lord I don’t care if he’s a baller,

Or six feet taller just let him know,

A woman’s worth or else,

I’ll kick his ass to the curb.

Give me a brother with game,

One who won’t be afraid to proclaim your name.

I know this sounds a bit insane,

But even Abraham asked and you gave.

Lord let him know I’m not some gold digger,

And that I just love things romantic and simple.

Lord let him know when to call, when to text,

And when to just shut up ‘coz I might be on PMS…

Lord show him how to love me,

‘Coz so far I haven’t seen a manual for this.

Lord teach him how to put me before his needs,

I know this may sound selfish,

But can you blame me?

Lord give him strength to handle me,

‘Coz sometimes I’m overpowered by my crazy mood swings.

There will be times I will give him the silent treatment,

But Lord give him the patience to stand by me.

Lord help him understand, that just ‘coz I don’t cook,

It doesn’t mean I can’t, sometimes I’m just not in the mood.

Lord forgive me my trespasses in advance,

That’s if I meet him and forget you were my first.

I’ll try my best to put you before all else,

‘Coz if it’s not about you, then the love has failed the test.

Lead me not into temptation,

‘Coz there’ll be times I want to go all the way,

Even when I know it’s 'wait ’ I’m supposed to say.

Lord let him not be a player,

And if he is let him be retired.

Lord let him be on time on our first date,

‘Coz I don’t want a man who’ll make me wait.

Lord deliver me from evil,

So, keep away those brothers,

Who will lead me astray from your will.

Lord let him understand that everyone makes mistakes,

And I don’t expect him to be perfect.

Lord I know I’ve asked for way too much,

But you say in your word to ask…

One last thing Lord,

I know I’ve told you what I want

But please give me the man that you know I need.

Because it’s in Jesus’ name that I’ve prayed,

AMEN.

Tricia

She Writes; Love Letter 5

2010-02-11T10:53:00.006+03:00

She writes to him;

To the one I long for; the man I will one day call my husband,

Yesterday I thought about you, about who you are and what you look like, about where you might be and if you think of me. I smiled because you might not know this but I'm deeply in love with you already.

I've gone through a lot of trial and error and got my heart torn. I thought I'd met you in so many other men but I realized they weren't you. I still believe you are out there somewhere; I know that you are the one God has kept me for; the one God fashioned for me.

I'm writing you this letter to let you know that one day we will be together, when we will realize that all the heartache from past relationships and all the sacrifices we've made were all worth it, that love is real, that it can be perfect, it can be patient and unconditional, that it can hope in the impossible and endure the most painful. Sometimes i find myself scared that you will be like other men I've met, but perfect love casts out fear, so i will not fear but I wait for that time i will experience your love.

It may be a year, a month or two but I promise to wait for you; I will wait for you even if the wait is long and hard. I will wait.

And when I finally have you in my arms hun’, I want to spend this life with you, through the ups and downs, in sickness and in health. I want to have your babies; God knows I'm scared of all that pain, but I want to raise a family with you, for us to grow old together till you lose your memory or till I can't walk. I want to have you till death does us apart. That is how much I already love you.

Mama said when I meet you I will know it is you. In the meantime I will keep praying for you as I long and desire to finally be your wife and the first thing I will ask is ‘what took you too long?’

Love you.
Her

Love Letter 1, Love Letter 2, Love Letter 3, Love Letter 4

Love Letter 4

2010-02-10T11:32:00.004+03:00

Feb 10th, 2010

My love,-to the girl I will one day call my own,

I woke up with a fresh body, fresh mind. Given that last night I was on the verge of falling very sick, it feels good to be alive, strong and hopeful. The sun is also shining, first time the morning is this golden since Friday. I hope you're fine.

Josh, a few weeks ago remarked and said that

"*sigh* Love?

A while ago I would have told you that "love is gain and pain is gain which means that love is pain"...but well, I guess it all depends on how you perceive it and take it.

And I think I was wrong..."

Love can be pain, I choose not to let it be. Honey, love is perfect, people are not. Sometimes we hurt each other, willingly or unwillingly. I may have said words that broke your heart, may have done things that annoyed you but deep down you know if I could, I would take them back because I love you.

Love doesn't play by the rules, lol, yeah I had to laugh. Why? Sometimes love won't let me follow my head, sometimes it makes me follow your voice, your heart beat, your touch.. lol. I love love, because love is beautiful.

You see, they say when love settles in ones heart, a cliff becomes a meadow; baby I can fall and not mind.

I know when you hurt me, it was painful,is always painful- like someone scraping my heart with barbed wire. It seethes to the core, gives me simmers in the head- it is painful but love endures, I believe it does- my utopian heart believes it. I love you; the pain is an itch that passes, because love is an elixir of life.

I love you baby, now, then, forever... I love you- you're the endless song in my heart.

Yours sincerely,

Your love,
Purple Heart
PH.

Love Letter 1, Love Letter 2, Love Letter 3

Love Letter 3

2010-02-07T15:50:00.003+03:00

7th Feb 2010

My love,-to the girl I will one day call my own,

Like I said before,

"Let us not be like stained glass windows, pleasant to look at but impossible to look through and let us not be like gems, trophies for viewing pleasure but lacking soul.
You, I want to bare my soul to- to express all I have inside me-the raging volcanoes, the simmering springs and placid pools."

Chocolate caramel hazel nut cake…the sweetest thing in the world could never compare to you. You should know what you have done to me- you have cast a spell over my heart, over my eyes.

None is as beautiful as you, no one’s eyes draw me as yours, no one’s touch is a soft as yours, no one’s laughter is as full as yours. There are many beauty queens, many damsels; I know none of their beauty compares to you- you are the most beautiful one in this world.

There are drops of honey dew on your heart, I want more. I want more of that joy in your heart that puts laughter in mine; more of the colour in your eyes that puts a glow in mine. I want to hear more of that voice that calms the raging fires in my heart. I want more.

I thought at one point maybe I would stop. I thought I would stop finding pleasure in your presence: your heart beating against mine, your fingers curled in mine, your eyes that glitter like the stars. Can one get enough of love? Your voice…do you know what it could do to me? My chest becomes a hot spring, bubbling endlessly at the sound of that angelic cadence. There are days when we are on the phone, those days when you are sleepy, and when I’m sleepy too, but none wants to hang up….once you told me to keep talking, that you want my voice to be the last thing you hear- how can I want that to stop?

Love is a river, the waters keep flowing.

They say the first cut is the deepest, I would rather disagree. The first cut is the most painful, especially when she told me she didn’t love me; when she said she didn’t feel the way I felt. However, when the wound healed, and God poured His healing oil, the pain was gone, forever…it is you I love, it is you I will love with my all.

You are my heart beat, my present thought. You’re the red roses I see everyday, fresh and vivid, you’re the delight of this soul. My heart pours out verses from the depths for you. My love for you is a river flowing without end, attempts to dry it up are in vain.

You, my dear, know how I feel. I love you.

Where there is love there is no darkness. ~Burundian Proverb

Yours sincerely,

Your love,
Purple Heart
PH.

Love Letter 1, Love Letter 2

Love Letter 2

2010-02-06T09:48:00.003+03:00

Feb 6th 2010

My love,to the girl I will one day call my own

Do they ever well up in you? Waters. Fires. Winds of love? Do you ever wake up in the middle of the night and have my name on your lips? Do the waters sometimes leak through your eyes, like they do mine? Surrounded, immersed in waves of complete emotion.

It's a cold morning, the rain has been falling since I woke up...the skies cry with me you know. Since you've been away, there have been clouds forming, and now they've broken. The moment we parted has been imprinted on my mind. I cannot see anything else apart from your eyes, can't hear anything else apart from your voice...you have bound me to you more by this separation.

I long to see you again.

But I do not know. How do you feel? I asked you before, am I seeing wraiths or actual pictures of love? I suspect the way you feel- the way you say my name is different, the way you look at me, the way you touch me, the way you hug me.... It cannot just be that we're friends? COuld it?

Still, my heart goes forth. I cannot go back. You have set me on a journey with no looking back.... Either culminates into requited passion or you leave me withered as a leaf fallen off a tree...

Do you love me?

Yours sincerely,

Your love,
Purple Heart
PH.

Love letter 1

2010-02-03T11:03:00.001+03:00

3rd Feb 2010

My love,-to the girl I will one day call my own,

Let us not be like stained glass windows, pleasant to look at but impossible to look through and let us not be like gems, trophies for viewing pleasure but lacking soul.
You, I want to bare my soul to- to express all I have inside me-the raging volcanoes, the simmering springs and placid pools.

I want you to know me, and not be blind. If I hurt you with what I say, baby be kind. This needs to go away before my heart can once again fully embrace another.

You see, my love for her, the one before you-came like an earthquake. It shook everything under me-she sneaked into and made my heart a servant of the thirst for acceptance and belonging. Her smile, her voice, her laughter-these were my air, soil and sunlight. She's the one I had to see everyday lest I wither and die from her absence.

She was special to me-she was my world. We ate pancakes and drank tea together, walked across the dam on the Nile laughing and dancing with the butterflies, we shoulder touched in the cinema watching Mr and Mrs Smith…we did so many things together. I cancelled appointments because of her, left important lectures to see her, my world was this girl, but I won't compare her to you.

Still her gaze was my breath, those beautiful brown eyes; falling in love with her was bliss- it made my heart run and leap.

But, I need to let you see you're not the girl of ages gone. She was a promise, a shadow. But you in my life: The flesh that wound up the dry bones of hopelessness.

She may have fuelled fires in my soul, may have churned deep springs of desire but hers was to show, to give me a taste of the love I hope is in you. I needed to tell you now, because love is not a game. It is the soil upon which flowers and thorns can grow, it the sun which can give life or death. You see, darling, love can be poison, it can be death, but I hope with you, it can be the dew of hope every morning. I pray it can be the beautiful colour that will paint our hearts as one on this canvas of life-to be together, now and forever.

My heart speaks of love for you; what was dying has come anew. But I wonder whether you feel it too or is the malady of love already giving me deceptive wraiths…?

Yours sincerely,

Your love,
Purple Heart
PH.

Rwenzori Mineral Water

2010-02-02T09:43:00.004+03:00

Living in Kampala of late feels like living on the outskirts of hell. My dear, what if the Mayans were right? All over a sudden seems like the rain has abandoned us....maybe after Christmas the rain saw what ungrateful little brats we were all complaining how it could rain on the day- spoiling major beach and pork plot...little did we know we would wish everyday was Christmas 2009. Alas, the joke's on us.

Now, this heat coincides with my watching of 2012. I swear that movie is so spooky it always spooks me to sleep whenever I try to watch it to completion. I have tried two days in a row but always fail to finish it... I mean, did you see how the land was giving way? Reminded me of the story of the men in the Bible that the earth swallowed up....I see exactly what happened to them. {Num 16:31 And it came to pass, as he had made an end of speaking all these words, that the ground clave asunder that [was] under them:And the earth opened her mouth, and swallowed them up, and their houses, and all the men that [appertained] unto Korah, and all [their] goods.... follow the rest of the story}

Gosh! And Haiti happened a few weeks after 2012....hmmmm

Well, I'm told to outsmart the heat you'll need to- Rehydrate: that way you will not be the bozo who fainted coz he had no time to drink. If you're reading this you're probably able to stock up on enough water for the day. 3, 1.5ltr bottles are not bad at all, not expensive either- just 2,700 where am at.

And if you're a lawyer, I pity you coz those dark jackets you put on as uniform...eeeish...you're probably doing human luwombo on yourself? Google would be such a nice place to work at in these moments for y'all. But surely, someone should invoke a new dress code for times like these. Ban all long sleeved shirts and trousers, let's go back to the era of King's African Rifles...woooohooo....funky.

And honestly, new work policies should come in place- do those meetings at some poolside, or go for forest walks. Relocate offices....remove ceilings...

Well, I'm yapping too much. Thank God there's a fan in this office. Yes, a fan, the ones of the ceiling. Munange, I am not in the class of those of air-con but the fan does work well. Let me get back to work before...No, I need to go to the 'syuper market'...not for love bambi....for Rwenzori Mineral Water.

Laced with pain

2010-01-31T14:59:00.006+03:00

Funny, huh? What started as an exciting month could not have had a better anticlimax. God, you know what I mean.

There are so many things I want to know. What is love? I thought I knew it but maybe I do not anymore. I have a utopian curse. That sickness which makes one believe in the impossible. My hope is really senseless- a zealot without a mind; you have too much faith in good.

And what is pain? Why can't I just throw it away? It puts me in a strong grapple and never wants to let go till I give in and give of the dew of my heart.

I want to know. I want to understand.

That night I walked away, I knew something was not right. I walked that upward winding road alone, with thoughts raining like cats and dogs in my mind. I often looked up at the dark night, the moon...was it present? I forget. I was not in a hurry, I just walked. One or two boda bodas stopped to ask if I was going and I said no. They continued on their way.

All the houses I passed by were in fences, no idea what the other side was. Reminds me of you; walking this road- were you a house to look at and admire or was I supposed to stop, ring the bell and wait to be let in? I may have known a part of you, but did I know what was behind that gate of silence?

The sky was very clear that night that I left.

I wish...

Work's moving. Every new day, a new skill comes into my possession and I am proud of it. Feels great to be learning.

But isn't love the flavour of life? I can imagine gaining everything there is to gain without a person to call love, without a friend, a brother, a boo. It would all be useless.

After some point I began sloping. The road became busy. Traffic was bumper to bumper- very vivid was the red that night. I walked past pubs, restaurants, men preparing t.v chicken and pork and roadside fried and roasted meats. The aroma was enticing but I left it unattended to, I would soon get home and eat something proper.

Eat something proper- very much like choosing who to love. I think we decide who we fall in love with, it is never an accident. It may start like a lonely drip of the morning dew on a flower upon the stone below it, but every morning that drip breaks the resistance of the stone and soon it may turn into soil.

We choose.

So, I did choose. I left all the enticing aromas on the roadside and hoped to get at home and eat something worthwhile but when I did get home, there was nothing. My tummy was saying all sorts of protestations and curses because I had left "good ready stuff" back on the road and now there was nothing here.

All this while, there's a mirror called my mind. I reflect and wonder whether the choice I made was worthwhile. I think it was. A choice to wait for something better, a choice to love what may not be at hand but a hope....That there made me the crazy man- love without a promise. It sure is hard but I am confident it was the right thing to do.

I told you that many will call me crazy, you too called me crazy - it is not something I deny. I am not going to become disdainful, no,I will remain grounded on the greatest there is- love.

These are my words,

PH.

On the soul replay- For You- Kenny Lattimore

senseless

2010-01-30T22:19:00.005+03:00

Disclaimer: WHAT YOU'RE ABOUT TO READ MAY BE SHOCKING.

I think one of the most beautiful songs ever written about love is "For you", by Kenny Lattimore. YB,one of my very good friends knows it word for a word and I think he just may have sung it for his belle at one point. I've heard many beautiful stuff from really talented people like Maxwell, Tamia, Brandy, etc but this song, wow, I wish I was the one who had written it- coz I don't know if I'm yet ready to write this well or even better.

I'm trying to be as honest as I can in this post but I am afraid. Afraid that maybe you will see that I too am human. That I too question things, sometimes I doubt, sometimes I hate, sometimes I am filled with disdain, sometimes I just want to scream, sometimes I am not always confident. I want to spare you the disappointment but what about me?

What if I'm really angry at you? What if I want to scream and tell you that I really hate you, that I wish we'd never met? What if I want to say to you that you're worthless, useless, a waste of time and energy- a total loss to me?

You came into my world, like a great light, a light I thought would shine till my eyes gave out but no sooner that a few minutes, out you went, like a candle snuffed out. No I didn't, you did...

I'm so overwhelmed I do not know what to say.

Green as bile

2010-01-29T00:51:00.004+03:00

A mixture of water and black soil. No, not loam soil, I said black soil. The paste is thick and dark. He pours dark green leaves into the paste and grinds it; it's a very potent brew he is making, the stench fills the room as the greenish smoke arises.

Time can be a slow cook, especially when one would rather have something pass by like a rocket. The brew on the fire gives only a slight simmer, the pops occur once in a while. He sits staring at the brew intently as if his eyes were able to speak. His stare is distant, like he were now in some world of Pandora.

He gets up, goes to the door and places a brick against it. He picks the knife laying carelessly on the floor. Without a thought, he thrusts the knife at his chest and doesn't even flinch. Already drops of thick red blood are dripping but he goes ahead to tear apart his chest.

He reaches inside and removes the object of his interest, covered in red paste. He lowers it into the pot. It slowly sinks in, not immersing fully at once but slowly, drowning into the green paste.

"Pop...pop..pop" The brew is excited. Bubbles appear and burst in intervals.

The man, oblivious of the boiling reaches into the pot and removes the object. His hand is scarred but he never flinches. He inserts the object back into the crevice and then suddenly starts convulsing, and writhing. He begins to throw up; falls on the ground, kicking the air, punching the unseen- he ends up covered in dirt, vomit, green paste and red blood. He smells.

It goes on until the madness starts to fizzle out. The kicking lessens, and the throwing of punches; he stops rolling in the dirt slowly and eases into a trance. Sleep whisks him away and soon he is not moving.

When he wakes up, the wound is bound up, no dirt, no vomit, nothing. He picks up the knife and slits his wrist- the sensation is ecstatic but he looks and no, it isn't red anymore, that which used to be scarlet is now green as bile.

Cupid and his menace

2010-01-26T03:16:00.000+03:00

They say it's a river, circles the earth
A beam of light shining to the edge of the universe
It conquers all
It changes everything
They say it's a blessing
They say it's a gift
They say it's a miracle and I believe that it is
It conquers all
but it's a mystery
Love breaks your heart
Love takes no less than everything
Love makes it hard
And fades away so easily
In this world we've created
Where this place that we lived
In a blink of an eye the darkness slips in
Love lights the world, unites the love that's for eternity
Love breaks the chain
Love aches for everyone of us
Love takes the tears and the pain
And turns it in to the beauty that remains
Look at this place
It was paradise but now it's dying
I'll brave the love
I'll take my chances that it's not too late
Love breaks your heart
Love takes no less than everything
Love makes it hard
And fades away so easily
Love breaks the chain
Love aches for everyone of us
Love takes the tears and the pain
And turns it in to the beauty that remains

(Brian Mcknight and Vanessa Williams- Love is)